How Do You Deal With Being Labeled Overprotective of Your T1 Teen?

PatriciaMidwest · #1 05-11-2010, 12:27 PM

Does anyone have a great line or two that puts a stop to clueless parents who label you as overprotective? Sorry this is so long, I have to get it out.

This (current) issue is I decided my 13 year old daughter is not ready to go to a 5 Day NON diabetic camp. This was after a lot of thought and discussions with the camp. She just can't go without structure for that long, and the camp is not set up to give that. She is however, going to a 5 day diabetes camp (so there...I'm not keeping her in a bubble, LOL)

So, I'm being labeled as the overprotective Mom. One family even said it directly to my daughter. Then their teen came out to my car and announced that my DD would be going go to camp with them because there is a nurse there after all. Then the mother brought it up again in front of several parents as we were picking up from a birthday party and mentioned how great the camp was with her DD allergies (that's nice, but you have no idea what being a T1 even means - she's one of those with an aunt that's t2 and that makes her an expert on all things diabetes). I started to address the mom and then we were interrupted by the kids. Enough is enough, you know? My daughter is really bothered by this, not only is she different for being diabetic, but now people think her mom is weird.

In case you are wondering, here is why I said no to the camp: Feel free to skip ahead.

1) Like many teens, my 13 year old does not always do what she should be doing for her T1 around other people. She is a good girl, but she doesn't want people to know she's diabetic, so there are times when she doesn't count carbs, doesn't want to test, waits too long to treat a low, ignores her alarms, or doesn't bolus because there are new people around. My heart breaks for her. Fortunately, she's much better around small groups of friends and at home. We are working on changing this and building her self esteem all the time, and we have made some improvements, but it is a process and it is not going to happen overnight. She will not be ready to go to this particular camp this year. Plain and simple.

2) We are in a period of rapid volatility. My daughter is 13 and the puberty/hormone thing is a roller coaster. Her insulin needs can vary anywhere from 40 units a day to 90 units. Her insulin sensitivity changes throughout the month. She is at times hypoglycemic unaware. Like many of you, I have forgotten what it is like to regularly get 7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. It requires a ginormous amount of management and more importantly JUDGEMENT to keep her healthy. I don't have the confidence that this particular camp has the right resources to monitor her for 5 days, especially since my teen likes to pretend everything is fine and she doesn't have diabetes

So, I'm looking for some great verbage to handle these types of scenarios. I'd love to hear how you guys have handled other clueless parents who think you are crazy for saying no to your teen. Did you give them a crash course in T1? Tell them to mind their own damn business?

Thanks,
Patricia

Christopher · #2 05-11-2010, 12:33 PM

Pull them aside, look them in the eye and politely tell them to mind their own F'ing buisness!!!! Wait, nevermind. Scratch that. Let me try this again...

Pull them aside and tell them that you would appreciate it if they kept their opinions on your choices as a parent to themselves. Tell them their comments are hurtful to you and your daughter. You don't comment on their decisions and you are kindly asking them not to comment on yours. Personally, I don't think you need to educate them, it is your decision and that is final. You don't owe them anything. Good luck...

NatBMomto4 · #3 05-11-2010, 12:36 PM

I agree with Christopher. A simple "I don't question how you parent your child and I would appreciate it if you wouldn't question how I parent mine." is all I would say.

Becky Stevens mom · #4 05-11-2010, 01:38 PM

First off Pat, how exciting for your daughter that shes going to d camp! From all Ive heard of d camp its a blast

And its a great learning experience for kids. Its where they dont ever have to feel different then anybody else, testing their blood wont get any questions, either will her pump except for maybe where to get a pump like that one in that color

.

Unfortunately these people that are saying things like this will never understand what our lives are like or are childrens lives. I hope for their sake that they never do. I would just let these people know that your daughter is in fact going to camp, one of your choosing and that she will have a great time there but thank them for their concern (nosiness, judgements, stupid comments, rudeness, ignorance

)

Im not even sure if regular camps always take children with diabetes or other chronic conditions and provide care for them. If there is a nurse present she may not be able to do all the diabetes chores such as changing a pump site.

sam1nat2 · #5 05-11-2010, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christopher

Pull them aside, look them in the eye and politely tell them to mind their own F'ing buisness!!!! Wait, nevermind. Scratch that. Let me try this again...

Pull them aside and tell them that you would appreciate it if they kept their opinions on your choices as a parent to themselves. Tell them their comments are hurtful to you and your daughter. You don't comment on their decisions and you are kindly asking them not to comment on yours. Personally, I don't think you need to educate them, it is your decision and that is final. You don't owe them anything. Good luck...

yep, NONE of your business!! Not for them to make decisions for you and your family.

We were asked ot go to a non D camp too and I said no, its due to the D and no one said anything to me, I think they understand.

Hollyb · #6 05-11-2010, 02:02 PM

I agree you don't have to explain yourself to anybody, just tell them as civilly as possible to mind their own business.

For your daughter, I'd say: "that's a long time to manage your own diabetes. Diabetes camp will give you a safe way to be on your own at camp for the first time. If that goes well and you feel ready, we can look at a non-d camp next year." (If you think you would consider it for next year.) Basically, at a regular camp she's going to have to manage things herself, with the expectation that after you educate them the counsellors will watch out for lows and know how to treat them, will help her wake up in the night if she needs a check after having lots of exercise or whatever, and that the nurse has the minimum amount of knowledge to give glucagon if needed, look after her if she gets sick until you show up and get her to the hospital if necessary.

skimom · #7 05-11-2010, 02:09 PM

My response would be "Thanks for your opinion but this is a family decision" - then don't engage in any further discussion with them.

Yellow Tulip · #8 05-11-2010, 02:10 PM

I agree with previous posters, it's none of their business, and you can tell them that, as nice or not nice as you want. I don't have any advice on a great comeback line, though.

Some people are just so clueless, not only on D, but on social skills and don't even put a second thought to how hurtful their words can be. I had one person tell me to stop making my son sick, when I said he couldn't go to a playdate until I checked him and made sure it was safe...

PatriciaMidwest · #9 05-11-2010, 02:11 PM

Thanks you guys, I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking MYOB. It does really irritate me because if the situation were reversed I would respect that parent's decision instead of attempting to undermine them.

I am a really private person, and the only place I really verbalize our struggles with T1 are here on this board and with my DH of course. Sometimes I think that works against me, but it's who I am. Maybe we just make it look so easy that others are don't even realize the issues involved.

It is great to have this board where others understand!

PatriciaMidwest · #10 05-11-2010, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hollyb

I agree you don't have to explain yourself to anybody, just tell them as civilly as possible to mind their own business.

For your daughter, I'd say: "that's a long time to manage your own diabetes. Diabetes camp will give you a safe way to be on your own at camp for the first time. If that goes well and you feel ready, we can look at a non-d camp next year." (If you think you would consider it for next year.) Basically, at a regular camp she's going to have to manage things herself, with the expectation that after you educate them the counsellors will watch out for lows and know how to treat them, will help her wake up in the night if she needs a check after having lots of exercise or whatever, and that the nurse has the minimum amount of knowledge to give glucagon if needed, look after her if she gets sick until you show up and get her to the hospital if necessary.

Hey Holly --

We think alike...this is exactly how I approached it with my daughter. She understands, but is a little disappointed. I am really hoping that in a year the female hormonal stuff is a little more predictable and DD is up to more self care.