Putting it all into perspective - worrying vs living

StillMamamia · #1 05-11-2009, 01:52 AM

I had a mini breakdown yesterday. You know, the type where you're totally ok, and then you just want to crawl into bed and cry your eyes out.
Actually it happened, because of reading about complications from T1 D, and the thought of them happening to my son just saddens me.
On the other hand, there are so many unknown variables in life, besides D, that if we constantly worry about them, we'll waste our lives stagnating in fear and anxiety.
I guess I am able to balance out the worry vs living parts. I try to make each day a normal kid's day for Ian and not show that I am afraid for what may happen to his body in a few (or maybe more) years.
I also remember a mom of a young adult who has D since he was 5. She told me she regrets worrying so much and not living.
It's all about finding just the right spot between the two. It is a journey in itself. I wonder if reaching this point means being at peace with D. I have mentioned about this in an older thread. I think if you reach a place where life is what it is, and you just live it to the best, while juggling the D dance, then you are at peace with D.

Thoughts?

Thanks for reading.

kiwimum · #2 05-11-2009, 02:20 AM

I look at it like this...

It is what it is. We made the decision not to actively seek out cures because we didn't want to spend the rest of our lives being disappointed. But if it happens of course we would be thrilled.

As for the complications, yes, I do worry about them. Maybe not on a daily basis, but at least once a week. I don't want my son to have kidney problems, eye problems etc etc. And yes, I have occasional breakdowns when I find it is all just too much for me to handle.

Carl told a work colleague the other day about my cousin. He was asked if he ever wondered what it would be like to think about your children being hurt and worse. Carl's reply was that he thinks about it everyday and if Tyler wakes up in the morning then it is already a good day!

But again, it is what it is. All I can hope is that we are arming him with the tools and knowledge he needs to enable to live his life healthy. And as morbid as this is going to sound, if the worst case scenario should happen, I would rather he had a life lived fully rather than being wrapped in cotton wool.

As for peace, I will NEVER be at peace with it. I have accepted that this is our lot in life, but I do not have to be at peace about it. I will never NOT worry about the effect that D is having on my son.

Just my opinion of course!

OSUMom · #3 05-11-2009, 06:24 AM

I'm not a worrier by nature. My perspective changes Paula depending on how type 1 shows up in my son's life, my dear friends' lives here, strangers' lives I read about (like when a child was lost due to being undiagnosed or the young college student who lost his life), or if it's a great day with great numbers

.

I'm sorry yesterday was hard for you Paula. I have been there too for sure....

Ellen · #4 05-11-2009, 07:27 AM

Big hugs Paula. I think the mini breakdown may be part of the grieving process. But if it's depression, that should be addressed.

This is where clarity about what is within my control and what is not within my control is most helpful. Each day I can do my best (not perfection) with the knowledge and tools available. That is what is within my control. What may or may not happen decades from now is not within my control so when a fleeting thought comes through - I ask - how is anticipatory grieving productive right now?

frizzyrazzy · #5 05-11-2009, 07:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OSUMom

I'm not a worrier by nature. My perspective changes Paula depending on how type 1 shows up in my son's life, my dear friends' lives here, strangers' lives I read about (like when a child was lost due to being undiagnosed or the young college student who lost his life), or if it's a great day with great numbers

.

I'm sorry yesterday was hard for you Paula. I have been there too for sure....

couldn't have said it better.

Hugs.

Nancy in VA · #6 05-11-2009, 07:48 AM

I try not to spend much time worrying about things I cannot control. I can take care of Emma as best I can right now, but her and my overall mental as well as physical health, I cannot worry about things that may or may not happen in the future. I also believe that treatments will be advanced over her lifetime, and there is always a chance for a cure, so my worrying is not productive.

It is not healthy for me or her to spend every minute of the day thinking and worrying about this disease. It is what it is and we work within those means

frizzyrazzy · #7 05-11-2009, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nancy in VA

I try not to spend much time worrying about things I cannot control. I can take care of Emma as best I can right now, but her and my overall mental as well as physical health, I cannot worry about things that may or may not happen in the future. I also believe that treatments will be advanced over her lifetime, and there is always a chance for a cure, so my worrying is not productive.

It is not healthy for me or her to spend every minute of the day thinking and worrying about this disease. It is what it is and we work within those means

well said.

chbarnes · #8 05-11-2009, 02:06 PM

Don't you think this is at the heart of several of the threads on this forum?
Should we feed our kids a low GI diet or let them eat cake? Should we poke our toddlers 10 times a day or accept a higher A1c. There aren't simple answers here. I literally see the complications of diabetes every hour of every day, but even with my desire to protect my son I still know he must be able to enjoy his life now, as well as in the future.

Chuck

Reese'sMom · #9 05-11-2009, 03:35 PM

I totally understand. I worry so much about my son when I think about the risks of future problems not only from the possible complications of diabetes, but the late effects of chemo, and the possible return of his cancer, or a secondary cancer. It's very overwhelming, especially considering that 1 year ago, he was healthy and care-free.

But having gone through the nightmare of chemo, the extreme restrictions on his life during that time, the wondering IF he would survive, and IF he would ever get to live a normal life again, I am truly THRILLED to be where we are right now (diabetes and all). I don't know what will happen tomorrow, but I do know that if something bad does happen to him in the future, I would never want to look back and think that I cast a shadow on one minute of his precious life with sadness and fear over things that had not yet happened.

Life brings us all sorts of surprises, bad ones, but don't forget, GOOD ones too! Worrying about the bad ones makes about as much sense as getting all giddy about the good ones. Living for today is much easier said than done, but it's worth the battle to refuse to entertain those worrying thoughts very much.

BrendaK · #10 05-11-2009, 03:53 PM

We worry about what we can't control, don't we? And diabetes is a game all about control, isn't it? You do your very very best to control those numbers, but even then it doesn't guarantee that you'll win the game. We can control what our child eats, how much, what time, when to give insulin, what kind of insulin to give, if it's a pump or shots, etc. It's all about control.

One of the hardest lessons I'm still learning is that even my best efforts cannot control everything. Unexplained highs and lows still happen. Saddness and grieving happen. Pumps break. Complications happen, even to those with good "control."

And I agree, you DO have to start living. Eat the cake, and the pizza too