Talking about d with your children

StillMamamia · #1 08-09-2008, 04:28 PM

Not really OT, but anyway...

I'm thinking this is one of the hardest things to do, facing your child and his/her fears, anguishes or even optimism.
So, why don't we take some time in the near future and schedule a relaxed time with our children, even the little ones, and talk about what they're going through? Maybe you've done this already or maybe you haven't.
I just thought sometimes we all get caught up in so many things, including the daily d-management that we may overlook certain aspects, which only those going through the actual disease know.
For instance, Ian asked me today why his brother does not need insulin. I explained he doesn't have diabetes. He then asked what happens if I don't give him insulin, to which I said his blood sugar will rise and he won't feel well. He paused and said 'Alex doesn't have blood, so he doesn't need insulin.'

He's too young to grasp everything, but he's willing to ask questions, and sometimes I don't know what to answer not to make him too confused.
Yesterday, he said he hates being tested, to which I replied that I understood, but it needed to be done.
Anyway, rambling over...if you can, take some time to discuss things about d to your children. Do it in a calm setting, maybe over lunch or during playtime, and see how it goes.
If you can, also post your experiences. I'm sure we could all learn from one another.
Thank you.

Sarah Maddie's Mom · #2 08-09-2008, 05:52 PM

Interesting thread Paula

We usually come to this conversation by accident, but as Maddie is an only child I can usually drop everything and just listen or ask. It often comes up around a transition to a new grade, new nurse, new sport, some time when we are actively trying to incorporate D into life. To my amazement, and some degree of discomfort, Maddie has always been very, well... almost protective of her D.

She was 4 at Dx and I think doesn't really remember much of being non-D. She considers D part of who she is, she's a girl, she's D. She's got long hair, she's got D. She's a sporty person, she's a D person.

I think as she gets older she will want a cure, especially as she is beginning to understand the complications the D can bring, but for now her pre-adolescent strong self-love and her sense that D is just part of "the package" is doing a good job of protecting her from being unhappy or resentful about her D.

But... I know how quickly this can change, I guess I'll just keep listening

Thanks for the reminder.

Bsbllmom · #3 08-09-2008, 06:02 PM

I periodically ask Christian how he feels about having D. What bothers him, if anything. I do it every 3 or 4 months. Sometimes I will go longer. I always tell him that if anything about D bothers him to talk to me about it. Somethings I may not be able to do anything about except explain why it is that way. Others I may be able to change or make better.

MyAngelEmma · #4 08-09-2008, 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StillMamamia

Not really OT, but anyway...

I'm thinking this is one of the hardest things to do, facing your child and his/her fears, anguishes or even optimism.

I think you are absolutely right, Paula. Even harder than managing the diabetes itself sometimes.

When Emma was first diagnosed she was super optimistic. We were so proud of the way she handled everything. She was doing her own injections and finger sticks the second day in the hospital and her attitude about the whole thing was great. One night as she was praying before she went to bed I heard her pray for her brother at college, her uncle in Iraq, her teacher from the previous year that had lost her husband and a good friend of ours that had been in a pretty bad car crash. When she was finished I said, "You know, Em, you can pray for yourself. You can ask God to help the people that working on a cure for Diabetes." She said, "No, I am good!". I asked her what she meant and she said she didn’t mind having D, it made her special. She would tell people that God was going to use her D to bless someone, somehow. We didn't know how, but He would use this for some good.

WELL...as I suspected, D soon got old and she just fell apart one night. We had just come back from vacation and she had spent about 10 days with a niece the same age, non-D. I could tell during that time that she was beginning to struggle with it because she started saying little things like “It isn’t fair that Alissa gets to eat whatever she wants without having to get and injection.” This really had not been an issue in the past because her only sibling is her older brother that had been away at college since her Dx. She was diagnosed right before school was out last year so really didn’t spend much time around other kids that didn’t have diabetes.

The night she fell apart we had spent some time with a family we had just met. They have a daughter the same age that was diagnosed about a month after Emma and then have 4 other children that are all non-D. The daughter that has D had just gotten an insulin pump and we got together for dinner with them. Everything seemed to go well but that night I let Em lay down with me and she just started crying. When I asked her what was wrong she said she wished all kids had D, she hated being different. I told her that I understood but we certainly didn’t want to wish D on anyone else. She also said she wished that one of her parents or her brother had it so she wouldn’t be the only one in the family that had D. Then she went on to say that she was mad because the little girl we were with that night had already gotten a pump and she didn’t have to do injections now and that all the other kids we were with that night didn’t’ have to do injections etc. She just kept saying how she wished she didn’t have diabetes and on and on. This was a first for us and honestly I wasn’t prepared and didn’t know what to do. I just let her vent for a bit and told her I understood and validated her feelings BUT I didn’t’ let it go on very long. I told her that we weren’t going to have a good cry and then be done with it. She sobbed for just a bit and then was fine. It really broke my heart though. These are the toughest times of all, I think.

She hasn’t had another episode since then. She is all into the Nick Jonas right now and even said to me the other day, “I can’t wait for school to start so I can tell all my friends that I have D like Nick.” I think this whole thing with Nick Jonas really coming out strongly with his D has helped her feel better about it. She will start pumping in a few weeks and I think not having to do the injections will also be very helpful.

lil'Man'sMom · #5 08-09-2008, 11:56 PM

This thread helped me realize something. Manning has said recently that he wished so and so had D too. I calmly said we shouldn't wish D onto others and left it at that with him. I realized from reading this thread that he didn't mean it malisciously, he just wants to connect with others.

I am thinking that D camp this next week will be just what he needs

Thanks

Midwestmomma · #6 08-10-2008, 07:21 AM

Paula, you are the most enlightening person that always makes me stop and think.

Before we left for Washington DC, Tresston asked me to set him up an E-mail account.....I forgot the night before, and had to do it at 5am before we left. Anyways, He got really upset at DC because he didn't meet anyother kids with D to share his E-mail with. At first I just thought he wanted to just make friends, but then I realized......he wants to get to know other D kids because he knows no one else with it. He needs the connection that he is not alone with this darn disease.

I feel so bad that he has D, and he has no one else to talk to about it besides his dad and I. He has had his bad D days, and then he has REALLY bad "I hate D !!" days.

Paula, Thank you for helping me open my eyes a little more this morning.

Denise · #7 08-10-2008, 09:05 AM

Molly came up to me the other day and said the saddest thing. She has ALWAYS said that she wants to stay single and not get married. She wants to be able to do WHAT she wants WHEN she wants to do it. I've always admired that in her. Well..we were eating dinner somewhere and she said "Mom, I've decided I don't want to live alone anymore, who will take care of me and my shots and stuff?"

This all just broke my heart...

MyAngelEmma · #8 08-10-2008, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Denise

Molly came up to me the other day and said the saddest thing. She has ALWAYS said that she wants to stay single and not get married. She wants to be able to do WHAT she wants WHEN she wants to do it. I've always admired that in her. Well..we were eating dinner somewhere and she said "Mom, I've decided I don't want to live alone anymore, who will take care of me and my shots and stuff?"

This all just broke my heart...

Awww, how sad our kids have to think of these things. Emma told me a couple of weeks ago that when she gets married she is going to marry a man with diabetes so he knew what it was like and could help take care of her. Then she added that he would also have to be a Shamu trainer so they could work together at SeaWorld!

Scary that she is even thinking that far ahead at 8 yrs old!!!

frizzyrazzy · #9 08-11-2008, 09:30 AM

Ian asked me once why he needed insulin and no one else did. I told him "we all need insulin. " and that's true - we all need insulin. I think it helped him to know that he wasn't getting something that made him different rather it made him like everyone else. I told him it was like my glasses or like daddy's hearing aids. I have busted eyes and my glasses help me see like everyone else. He has a busted pancreas and his pump only helps his body do what it's supposed to do.

But Ian isn't too introspective so he doesn't really say much other than "I hate when kids at school ask me about my pump tube." I asked if he wanted me or donna-the-wonder-nurse or him to talk to his class and he said no. So my solution is to sew little tiny button holes in the inside of his pockets so that the tube can be tucked away. (which I need to get on this week)

StillMamamia · #10 08-11-2008, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frizzyrazzy

Ian asked me once why he needed insulin and no one else did. I told him "we all need insulin. " and that's true - we all need insulin. I think it helped him to know that he wasn't getting something that made him different rather it made him like everyone else. I told him it was like my glasses or like daddy's hearing aids. I have busted eyes and my glasses help me see like everyone else. He has a busted pancreas and his pump only helps his body do what it's supposed to do.

This is really a great point. I never thought of that. Thanks