Pump adventure is over...

[Charmed7]

A few weeks ago my son sneaked food at school. I quickly "fixed" the problem by allowing him the food so there is no need to sneak the food. Then he promised he wouldn't sneak food again.

Now behind closed doors hubby and I decided the risks with the pump and irresponsible child are too high. And we decided if he sneaks food again, the pump will be gone.

If anyone remembers, my past couple of posts have been about controlling high numbers and disconnected infusion sites. I have been driving myself crazy with carb counting, site changes, midnight sugar testing, speculating, blaming myself, and just plain going nuts!

Yesterday, my son wakes up early and asks if he can watch TV. I say sure and I go back to sleep. 1/2 an hour later I head down thinking my son will want to eat soon. Plus we were heading out for a fun day at the hospital where kids his age get together to play games and eat pizza. So I start to get the baby's bag ready, myself ready, instruct my son to get ready. We start to walk out the door and as I'm putting the baby in her seat, I look over at my son and there is chocolate all over his mouth.

Long story short, he's 274 he sneaked a piece of chocolate, and I break the news that he's not getting the pump anymore. I asked him why he took the chocolate...he said he "felt" low. Which just made me more upset because that is not how you treat a low. You must check your sugar first. Then talk to mom about the number. So, to me, that either shows his level of responsibility, or he's lieing (b/c we all know he took it because he wanted a piece of chocolate before mom woke up.)

I only KNOW that he sneaked the food that one morning. But I'm speculating that every 400+ reading in the AM was food, and every disconnect was to cover up food, and it justs makes me scared, and mad, and sad, and frustrated, and overwhelmed. I hate that my child has to deal with these issues. Any other child would sneak a piece of chocolate days after Valentines day and the worse that would happen is a strict look from mom and dad. And any other child can say, I feel hungry, and then go eat. And any other child does not have to feel like their body is betraying them with every bite of every day. And I just want to go on record that this sucks.

So on Monday I'm calling nurse to break the news. We'll try again when we think his level of responsibility has caught up with his maturity. So back to shots.

Charmed

[Carrie]

Charmed...

First of all, sorry to hear you're having such a struggle with your son and diabetes. I know how easy it can turn into a guilt trip for the parent.

I've read your previous posts, and I even went back this morning and skimmed over them so I wasn't running my mouth without knowing the facts. One thing that keeps coming to my mind is taking the pump away from him. IMO, I would not do that. I would not make going back on shots any form of "punishment" for his immaturity in dealing with diabetes. I have a nine year old son who doesn't have diabetes. I sit here reading your post wondering if he would act the same way that your son does. Our 5-year old daughter with diabetes has quite a bit of maturity when dealing with her day-to-day things she has to do. I'm not sure her brother would have the same. That may not be the case for all boys. I think boys in general mature a little slower then girls (I have two of each, so I can say that!!), and I think that's something you might have to take into consideration with your son dealing with the daily grind of having diabetes. C will sit and watch his sister get finger pokes, shots, site changes, and will comment, "how can you do that?!?" Your son may just not quite "get it" yet. I think responsibility sometimes has to be learned and doesn't always come with age. It stinks that our kiddles have a lot more to learn then other kids their age.

I think there needs to be some form of discipline for the disconnecting of his pump. Not sure what that could be for you, but I don't think taking the pump away is going to change his "sneaking". I'd be afraid it might form resentment. Maybe set up a reward system for positive behavior that could earn him a trip to: video arcade, go-kart track, Chuck E. Cheese, etc.

I think it was Ellen that commented more then once on here about not using the word "sneak" when your child is eating and you don't know about it. We tell our daughter, "you can eat anything you want at any time. Dad or mom just need to know about it so we can give you insulin. If you don't get the insulin, your sugar could go really high and you could get really sick, and we don't want that."

Again...this is just my personal opinion!!!! I would just really hesitate to take the pump. Keep us posted. Hopefully there's someone on here that has been-there-done-that who could share some further insight.

[coni]

Believe me, I am out of my league here and hesitate to comment, but I don't see a connection with taking a child off the pump and ending eating without bolusing. (I also hesitate to say sneaking food.)

Won't that just mean that he will eat food and not give himself a shot? Or, do you have a way he will be watched 24/7? Will it make your child's D management easier being on shots rather than the pump? Is someone else other than the child now going to be totally responsible for D care? I think I'm missing something or just don't understand.

In any event, it sounds like a very difficult and frustrating situation. I hope for your sake and his that you find a workable solution.

[payam7777777]

i'd like to ask you to please reconsider your decision. without the pump things will be much harder IMO.

[OSUMom]

I'm sorry for your situation. This sounds very frustrating for all of you. When you think of the pump, what is its goal for you and your son. Might it be for better control of his diabetes and not a reward for him for his adherence or not to his daily care of his D? I maybe would also reconsider going off of the pump. I know my son uses the pump because we feel it is his best option for his care.

As always though, YDMV. Keep us posted on how it's all going.

[fredntan2]

I think u should reconsider too. If this has been hard for you, I'm sure your 9 yr old has had an adjustment too. He's been pumping since dec? thats not very long imo. and he's had D since 3 years and probably hasn't been able to "sneak" food. why not go the other extreme-just for a bit-let him have some fun, let him eat all those "bad" foods and don't worry. take him to eat some donuts. we sometimes get krispy kreme, etc. For someone that has D, my dd eats same thing other kids eat. she can have the candy-as long as she bolus's for it, and as long as its the "right time" like she can't have the "bad" stuff before she does one of her required bs checks.

I also try not to blame sara or definatly myself for errors. like if she has a high number-we try to trouble shoot it together. like we check her history together and go over if she forgot to bolus for something. and if she did forgot-its no big deal. and if she atesome candy earlier and it causes her to be high later-we just go over how many carbs was in it.

[Mom2Will]

I'm entering uncharted territory because we are not pumping... yet. But how did he do during the 5 years on MDI, did he tell you when he wanted something to eat? Do you think his eating habits will change at the threat of a shot? I guess I just don't understand.

I have 2 older non-D children, at around 9 my oldest (son)who is 17 now could not get enough food..ever, he is still that way!! There is a certain time when they are growing and are forever hungry, I dread this when Will hits that stage. I think a lot of times our kids think they are intruding on us when they want something and would rather just do it then face our demeanor, the puffs of air or the "oh alright, just a minute"

We as parents should be conscious of our actions when approached by our children. What we don't say sometimes can be worse than what we do say.

[Flutterby]

I can feel your frustration.. to be going over all these things, being stressed out about his numbers, and having him eating without you knowing it the reason for all those problems.. its got to be frustrating. I'm not sure I understand where the sneaking of the food and the pump go together.. is it because it started when he started pumping? does he think that just because he's hooked up to the pump he won't be 'caught'... I think its something that definitely needs to be delt with and stopped (as much as you can, I bet there will always be a level of eating and not bolusing for any child or adult with d.... maybe he thought that tiny teeny piece of chocolate couldn't possibly have that many carbs in it.. ) if taking away the pump is going to teach that lesson, and thats whats right for him, then you do what you've got to do.. but I'm not so sure thats going to stop the sneaking of food just because he's on MDI.. maybe he thinks its only a push of the buttons to correct, instead of an extra shot, so he'll take it.. Peronally, I wouldn't take the pump away, it makes our life as an entire family easier, I would however, have some form of punishment.. I would also make sure its a rule for the entire family.. that no one is allowed to have any food unless you ask mom or dad.. that way he's not being singled out and its not another 'issue' with D but rather a household rule that everyone must follow.. and they all have the same punishment if that rule is not followed.. I'd make it a 'not following the rules' issue first and then a bg issue second..but again, you've got to do what you've got to do for your family.. if the pump was part of a 'deal' of sneaking food, and he broke that, then you've got to follow through...

I'm sorry for your frustrations.. I think its something every kid is going to go through at one time or another..

[twodoor2]

I guess I'm a bit confused too. Is there some relationship between the pump and his sneaking food? If not, I don't think it's a good idea to take the pump away, but you're his mother, you have that right.

I'm just curious though, it sounds like the pump was giving you other grief, like site failures, or other issues as you mentioned. Did you want to go back to shots because for you it may be easier, and this just made you finally make that decision?

I'm so sorry for your frustration and anguish over this.

[skimom]

It's interesting as I have some problems with my 17 year old and his not wanting to always do what is necessary for pumping. The endo said that a pump is a privelege and if he can't comply, he should lose it and go back to shots. After his talk with her he has been better (but it has only been 2 weeks)
How does your son feel about being on the pump - did he want it or did you?Does he like it? DOes he understand what the differences are compared to shots? COuld he be trying to sabotage the whole process? I would start with one of those "mommy and daddy are really worried about..." talks and remind him about the implications of his actions. I agree - the issue is the breaking rules/"lying by omission". Tell him he is on notice and you will be looking for him to follow the rules of engagement other wise you will have to look at switching to a method which is safer for all and that may mean losing the pump.
It's never easy, is it....