There are just days....

[kristie.sp5293]

I have been married to my DH for, going on three years in January. He's been dx since 1981. I have allowed myself to be his caretaker; making his lunch each morning, driving like a mad hatter to his side when he got a low on the construction site and begging the EMS driver NOT to transport him. Last week, after a three month lay off he's finally working a part-time seasonal job. I have been the primary income all that time. I hate the role reversal.

Today, he had the first low @ work - upper 30's. He said he ate, he said he checked his sugar. What time he checked it is another ball game.

I have been at the "last thread" stage; stressed, tired, worried, anxious for the past month. This just isn't what I needed to hear. He just allows himself to get so busy & just doesn't stop to check BG. I shouldn't have to call and check on him. I shouldn't have to jump every time my cell or work phone rings. He damages my trust and confidence every time this happens.

I love him so much. I just feel like he's not taking this seriously and being responsible. I married him for "sickness and health". But what is going to happen if he puts me in the grave first, stressed out w/ a heart attack. THEN where will he be? There are just days where it is all about him and the diabetes. His identity is primarily diabetic. Not husband, father, friend. But diabetic. Well not me. I want to get above this and rule it not it rule us.

[LantusFiend]

Does he want you to be his caretaker?

I would say that what's needed is for you to let his diabetes be his diabetes. Don't feel guilty when he's not taking care of himself. Marrying him in health and in sickness can just mean that you stay through his mistakes- not that you have to fix them.

[kristie.sp5293]

I want him to fight this! I want him to hear his sensor & pump when they go off, test his sugar, treat it if needed and then do his darndest to keep it balanced. His dr. has called him a brittle diabetic and that the diabetes has added 10-20 years to him. Not to mention the occupation of plumber & the strain that adds to him. Are these all excuses? Can he really get a handle on all of this? What about a "normal" marriage that is intimate - that's a whole other can of worms. He's not interested at all. I am the giver... and my emotional tank is empty.

[LantusFiend]

Yes you want him to be healthy- but you can't make him.
And you shouldn't be in the position of making him. And right now you need to let it be his responsibility.

I once read advice to family and friends of smokers. They know they need to quit, and reminding them too much is nagging. And the article said, how much is too much- more than twice per year.

Now, you can take care of his diabetes and you can't stop somebody from smoking. BUT diabetes in an autonomous adult is something that is largely their decision and it needs to come from them.
I think if you want to take this huge stressor out of your relationship then you need to be able to see him without seeing his blood sugar- and the only way to do that is by turning over the responsibility for his blood sugars to him.