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Thread: I Feel Like I'm Just Waiting... Always Waiting...

  1. #1

    Default I Feel Like I'm Just Waiting... Always Waiting...

    I feel like I'm just always waiting for the next blood test, watching the clock to be sure I don't miss it. Today she has a doc appt. so now I'm just waiting for that.

    I feel like I'm just waiting for the next snack time--dare not miss it!

    I feel like I'm just waiting for the next midnight telephone alarm. The next 3 am phone alarm--and what if I sleep through it??

    When she has school (none today; parent-teacher conferences)... then I'm just waiting (and waiting) to find out if I must go over and give her a shot.

    I know that, with the pump, it will be less necessary for it to be so rigid once she's on the pump; but I'm just waiting for that, too... Always just waiting...

    It's uncomfortable and my anxiety level right now is so high since she's sick and the doc appt isn't for several hours. My stomach is in knots, for no really good reason except that I'm so worried about her having another low (the last few days, 4 of them, and that with no basal insulin!).

    Ugh. I'm a mess.

    How do you deal with the "just waiting for the next meal"?
    "Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines, practiced every day; while failure is simply a few errors in judgment, repeated every day. It is the accumulative weight of our disciplines and our judgments that leads us to either fortune or failure."
    - Jim Rohn

  2. #2

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    It takes time, and you have to get there one way or another (either by yourself with with some help). One day you just have a lightbulb go off and you realize there is life to be lived in the "waiting" times, and you go into a routine of going about your stuff and integrating diabetes into that.

    The best advice I can give is don't lose yourself in the anxiety. Get some help, find some time to go for a walk, to go out with friends, etc.
    Mom to 2 boys (6 & 8), oldest dx in Oct. '06
    Pump MM522 w/ Sure-Ts infusion sets since July '10
    Previously pump Deltec Cozmo w/ Contact-Detach sets

    "He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which." ~ Douglas Adams

  3. #3

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    I know its hard the first few months but with time it will be like second nature. I just do it without too much thinking about things these days. We have been doing this now for over 7 years so when you do it for so long you are very used to it. My husband usually does the early morning checks since he goes to work early and will do the late night checks since he stays up late. Thank goodness for that or I would probably go crazy. I think maybe once your child is on the pump there may not be as much anxiety. I felt very anxious with the needles for the first 3 months and then moved onto the pump and everything worked themselves out nicely after that.
    Mom to daughter with type 1
    in 2006 dgnsd at 18 months of age

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    170

    Default

    Don't discount the anxiety if it's getting to you on a regular basis - talk to your doctor. DH went on anxiety medication a couple of months after our son's d/x, and feels so much better for it now. I think I'm more anxious than he is now.. and I've always been the laid back type!

    I know what you mean though about the waiting.. it does feel like the day is made up of a bunch of tests, meals and snacks that need to be done. For me, it really reminds me of what it was like having a newborn.. the constant nursing and inability to leave the house without a bag full of supplies and a plan for when the next feeding/changing was going to happen. But even with a newborn, at some point you just start to keep your diaper (diabetes) bag by the door, and grab and go regardless of the time. That's what we all have to learn to do with diabetes too... not let it dictate the plans. maybe the schedule to some degree, but not the plans.

    ((hugs))
    Kirsten, mom to:
    Kieren, 10, non-D
    Mimi, 9, non-D
    Grady, 4, d/x 12/12 - pumping with Ping 01/14
    Dexcom Dec. '13

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    457

    Default

    Oh, so many days I am right there with you! Especially if you throw in any other issues like sickness. I do try and keep in mind that if I want my son to not let diabetes stop him from living his life, then the same goes for me. Moms and Dads need to stay healthy too. Hugs to you.
    Mom to T, 8yrs dx: Aug/2012
    and son 11 yrs, non-d.
    Animas pump June/13
    Dexcom G4 Dec/13

  6. #6

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    In time you won't be "just waiting" for the next D task any more than you feel like you are "just waiting" to tell your child to brush their teeth the next time. It's hard to imagine right now, but it will happen.
    Mom to J., age 10
    Dx 2007 @ age 3
    Medtronic pump and CGM (4/2008-6/2013)
    Tandem t:slim and Dexcom G4 CGM (current)

  7. #7

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SandiT View Post
    I feel like I'm just always waiting for the next blood test, watching the clock to be sure I don't miss it. Today she has a doc appt. so now I'm just waiting for that.

    I feel like I'm just waiting for the next snack time--dare not miss it!

    I feel like I'm just waiting for the next midnight telephone alarm. The next 3 am phone alarm--and what if I sleep through it??

    When she has school (none today; parent-teacher conferences)... then I'm just waiting (and waiting) to find out if I must go over and give her a shot.

    I know that, with the pump, it will be less necessary for it to be so rigid once she's on the pump; but I'm just waiting for that, too... Always just waiting...

    It's uncomfortable and my anxiety level right now is so high since she's sick and the doc appt isn't for several hours. My stomach is in knots, for no really good reason except that I'm so worried about her having another low (the last few days, 4 of them, and that with no basal insulin!).

    Ugh. I'm a mess.

    How do you deal with the "just waiting for the next meal"?
    These are early days yet. I know that 6 months seems like a lifetime in D years and you've learned so much, immersed yourself in it...but really and truly, you are still in that crazy curving road that is diagnosis.

    It will get better. You will have days where you barely think of it, or at least not any more than you think about what's for dinner and did I remember to lock the car. It'll be a chore of sorts, an important one, clearly, and one that matters more than most chores, but it will take on a status of normalcy. But right now, what you are feeling, experiencing, worrying about is all very normal, expected.

    My advice is to just look at the next step. What's the NEXT right thing to do. Prepare for the steps after of course, but don't stress about them. Just do the next right thing. Then the next. Etc. Pretty soon you're just walking, one step at a time.

    ~Nancy~
    Homeschooling our way through high school, learning with them!
    19 year old son diagnosed T1 2/5/10, pumping Tslim beginning 7/13 ; Dexcom on occasion. Animas Ping 10/10-7/13. College student August 2013.
    16 year old daughter teaching her mom all about patience and grace
    .

  8. #8

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    Thanks all.

    She seems to be just "normal" sick, which is good. I think if I had a better alarm system, this would feel less constant for me. But as it is, I have to keep checking the clock just to be sure it's not time yet. *sigh*

    On the other hand, I don't want to fall into the "it will get better when..." trap. Though I feel like I might already be there at least a little.

    But this, too, shall pass.
    "Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines, practiced every day; while failure is simply a few errors in judgment, repeated every day. It is the accumulative weight of our disciplines and our judgments that leads us to either fortune or failure."
    - Jim Rohn

  9. #9

    Default

    NPH really was a "waiting game" with us too, and I found it very exhausting. Diabetes really did rule our lives until we started on the pump (although I don't think I realized how much of a difference it would make until we had made the switch). Hang in there!
    Caroline

    K, 2008-05-02, dx 2010-12-02 - blue MM Revel with Dexcom G4
    E, 2010-03-29
    W, 2013-10-24

  10. #10

    Default

    NPH really puts you on a clock/schedule where you have to fit life into diabetes care rather than fitting diabetes into your life. There are other alternatives to get freedom from the clock. Have you explored those options with your endocrine team?

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