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Thread: Trusting my husband...and being The Bad Guy

  1. #31
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Sacramento, CA
    Posts
    529

    Default

    [QUOTE=Ronin1966;750446]Hello CAGrandma:

    Apologies I will try and explain more clearly...

    AS the diabetic, my point is telling "us" (the diabetics) is a very dangerous thing to do on any number of levels as you likely know. It is lit emotional dynamite (on a very, very short fuse) and dangerously real stuff. That situation reminds me a lot of the Bugs-Bunny Cartoons of my childhood. Anybody even suggesting we are low (aloud) is Wiley E Coyote and holding said dynamite. In short, a baaaad place to be no matter which end of the game you're on.

    As for "accusation" aspect, being told things by others (whether completely right or not -ggg-) implys all kinds of things. A proverbial black hole of wholely negative stuff. Being told we are low is defacto saying you (the diabetic) cannot do it... you (I) screwed up... that type of thing. Even never spoken, telling us we are low... simply carries that implication, in my view for whatever its worth.

    I often wonder what causes the "NO" response that so many of you encounter with us, your diabetic(s)? Its real blessed clear we are crashing hard no matter what words come out of our mouth. Heck, even the family goldfish knows something is off, (ie we are dangerously low) and yet, if asked, you folks still often get the angry, annoyed "NO" loop from us.

    You are low...

    NO

    Thanks for explaining. And I do understand what you are saying. Wish there was a good answer for this situation. My husband (non-D) told me that he hates it when people 'accuse' him of not hearing well. I'm still trying to figure out why he used the word 'accuse'. Cause, in case you haven't guessed, he really can't hear well! And there is a treatment that would improve things, but instead he goes along feeling left out cause he can't hear what people are saying around him.

    Is it an accusation if I tell him when his fly is open? Or he has a piece of spinach between his teeth as he leaves for a job interview? Where's the "I have some important information you may not be aware of and I love you so I want to tell you" come in?

  2. #32

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    I haven't gotten involved in this thread too much, but I can see both sides of the issue, since my mom, son, and I all have type 1.

    From the adult diabetic's perspective, I can say that when my husband asks what my blood sugar is, it feels dehumanizing, like I am a number and not a person. Even if he is asking me with the best and kindest intentions. It kind of feels like someone asking you what you weigh, but worse than that. A much better question for him to ask me is how are you feeling today? (Doesn't any woman love it what a man asks her that, LOL?)

    From the mom's perspective, I absolutely get it that you have to keep your child safe, and yes, an adult having diabetes with frequent lows does interfere with that, as much as that adult might argue against it. I have many scary stories from my childhood when my mom was low and driving with us in the car. Horribly traumatic for a child. When I was only 10 I was taking her keys away at times.

    It is a very very delicate situation and those that are caregivers/parents of diabetic children often don't know how touchy the questions "what is your blood sugar" can be to an adult with diabetes. Because that's what we ask our kids all day long.
    Brenda, dx'd type 1 6/07 at age 30 while in the TrialNet research study. T-Slim 9/14, Dex 9/14, Celiac (3/07).
    Mom to Carson, age 14, dx'd at 9 months. Cozmo (1/05) Navigator (3/09), Dexcom (8/10), currently on T-Slim (4/13)
    And Mom to Henry (nond), age 11, training for the US 2024 Mens Gymnastic Team

  3. #33

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    I have to jump in here and say that not all people with diabetes have trouble discussing where their number is at with the people they're with...my husband and I have actually ALWAYS been open about it. When we were first dating it was a bit of a game with us, he'd test, I'd grab the meter and he'd say what he thought he was - he was usually spot on. This for me has been a game we now play with our son, too. I think that we've tried very hard to make all aspects of diabetes care just out there in the open so that nothing is hidden or scary to our son, this includes the numbers. Just what works in our house. And, yes, I have had my husband test before driving to make me feel more safe.
    Sarah
    wife to TJ (t1d for 20yrs) MDI lantus/humalog
    mother to Ethan (non-d) 8 years old
    and Isaac (dx 11/09 at 19 months old) 6 years old, pumping on MM Revel (6wks post dx) with Novolog and Dexcom G4 (love it!!!)
    ~dx with Celiac Disease July 2013

  4. #34

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    Quote Originally Posted by BrendaK View Post
    A much better question for him to ask me is how are you feeling today?
    Not a thread for me to pipe in on, but I've been skimming it and this reminded me of a book where the author remarked about how he'd be at the hospital and patients would wait for the doctor to come in and read their chart or read an instrument so the doctor could tell them how they felt. He found it distressing that people abdicated their own judgment over their own health to "experts" and equipment and tests in this way. I wonder if it's not the same instinct.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ivan_Il...edical_Nemesis

  5. #35
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    South Carolina
    Posts
    542

    Default My type 1 husband and type 1 son

    I have a type one husband and a type one son - both on the minimed revel pump. I also try to stay out of my husband's diabetes care. He is an adult, and it is his responsibility to take care of himself. I try to have meals ready and snacks available to help him take care of his food needs.

    HOWEVER, listen to your gut instincts. You probably know when your husband is LOW. When I get that instinct i DO but in his business and ask him to check his blood sugar. The other night he was acting strangely and lying around. I had that FEELING. I repeatedly asked him to check his blood sugar - he said he was FINE (of course). I had to get authoritative and bring his machine and threaten to check him myself if he didn't.

    He finally checked himself - 52 - just what I thought.

    A spouse that is LOW can be unable to think straight and at that point it IS your responsibility to step in and try to do something. I found by watching my husband's father with him when he had a low once, that being authoritative and demanding works with my husband when he is low. So that is what I do.

    I do MOST Of the diabetes care for my four year old son. My husband is very capable. He is not as neurotic as I am, and probably most moms are, but he will take care of my son. I wouldn't sweat a recheck as long as he treated a low and gave him something to eat.

    ONe other aside - my husband had a lot of guilt after my son was diagnosed, thinking it was his fault. I don't know how much this plays into his brain.
    Hope this helps. THere are plenty of people in your same situation.
    Kelly

    Mom to Parker (7) d/x 11/09 at age 2; Pumping with T-Slim 08/2014; DexG4 (2/2013)

    Mom to Marley (12) non-d

    [COLOR="Blue"]Wife to Dan (44) d/x 1978 pumping with Medtronic

  6. #36

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    Hello cm4kelly:

    Please help me understand this one.... you knew he was in trouble. With the utmost respect, WHY bother checking... the time you took to find the meter, fight with the man about needing to test, and then eventually get something into him is a serious waste of time you do not have!

    Get sugar into us, THEN test and figure out the number later, if, if you must?!

    If completely wrong (ie high, DKA) the worst that happens is you've raised our sugar a bit more. Insulin will bring us down fast enough. If right you've treated FIRST....

    Pretty please ?!?!! What am I missing here... ?
    Last edited by Ronin1966; 10-23-2011 at 01:02 AM. Reason: Poor editing the first time through
    Merely my opinion, I could surely be mistaken...

    Stuart

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