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Thread: Will it ever be 'normal'...sorry, I think I am feeling sorry for myself

  1. #1

    Default Will it ever be 'normal'...sorry, I think I am feeling sorry for myself

    I think I am just having a bad day, so please forgive me if I sound whiny or 'oh woe is me'. I realize there are many parents on here that have it worse than me, so again I apologize if this comes off wrong.

    I know some adults with D and they seem to have happy perfectly normal lives. I just wonder if and when this will ever be for my child. My mother is in town...but I don't feel comfortable with her providing D care for a couple of reasons and even asking her to look after one of the boys is difficult...again for a couple of reasons. Let's just say it's not really an option. Hubby works (we are lucky) and I stay at home with the two kids as I am still on mat leave (again, we are lucky to have this ability). So other than hubby and I, we don't have anyone to take care of our d son. I just don't trust that anyone can recognize when he is going low because he is too young to communicate it. I am sure there are ways to deal with this I just haven't had much luck in finding the 'right' person and it is also cost prohibative. Talking to my SIL last night, she and her hubby just went away for the weekend and left the kids with the grandparents. Another girlfriend did the same thing this weekend. It seems so simple for families where D is not present. They were so happy and well rested and had...FUN. I realize some of this is the current situation (we still have a nursing baby) and some of it is the fact that D is present. We can't even go out for a night out without something happening. And it is hard to ask hubby to look after the 2 kids after work should I decide to go out and do something. Tt's just a lot going on. Again, I don't mean to sound whiny and I know it could always be worse, it is just that I am so tired and wonder if this particular phase is just that...a phase. Or will it always be difficult and challenging and that we will always worry and never stray far from home...even for an evening out. I guess I am asking those parents that have made it work....going out occassionally, getting small breaks from the kids, going back to work, etc etc. What tips do you have for me? Is it logistical? Is it an attitude change? Is it just a matter of time? I have three other friends here in town with small children with D and we all seem to be in the same situation...which worries me.
    _____________
    Little monkey dx late 2009 at 17 months of age
    PINGing as of July 2010

  2. #2

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    Well, an immediate solution that jumps out at me is for those of you who are friends need to babysit for each others' families. When you have small children, D or no D, it is difficult to get away, but friends helping friends do this is a great way to be sure you get some down time.
    Jennifer D in NC
    Wife to John, my high school sweetheart, and mom of:
    Joshua , 18
    Joseph, 16
    and Jayden, 14, dx 12/28/07 T1D, Pod People as of 05/14/2011,Novolog

  3. #3

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    I think it's dangerous for those of us with D kids to compare our lives to those friends and family members who don't have a child with a chronic illness. That may sound harsh, but I think it's true.

    My neighbors tend to be wealthier than we are... so the boats, and vacation homes and multiple vacations each year that they seem to enjoy are not in the cards for us right now. So, I don't dwell on it. Not because I'm so wise, but because it just doesn't apply to me at this point in time.

    We talk a lot about finding a, "new normal" after dx. We don't say, "normal". We are different. Our lives are not like those of friends and family who (for the time being at least) have kids without special needs.

    So my advice is to look at your life and see what you can do within the limits that you face right now and see what you and your husband can, together, do to give you back some time to get out of the house and recharge your batteries.

    Have you ever considered a babysitting co-op with the other D families? Perhaps you could provide some much needed respite for one another?

    Good luck. It's not easy.
    Sarah
    Mom to DD now 16, dx @4
    Cozmo pumper @6
    Minimed pumper @13
    G4 @ 15


    "Happy Birthday, Dr. Banting! Now... let's eat cake! Because, we CAN!" - MCS

  4. #4

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    We HAVE thought about doing the D care for each other, but my kids are 9 months and not quite 2 and a half and they are challenging in caring for just as is. Add in another families kids...one with d and both under 4.....that is 4 kids under 4 and 2 of them with D. I am nervous enough about my own child's D, I think I might go over the edge with having to care for someone else's with that many young kids around. And then there is the tired factor. All of us are tired....is it then fair to ask my equally tired friends to care for my children AND their own children with D? I need a fairy godmother, lol!!! I know there is a solution somewhere....I just have to wrap my head around it.
    _____________
    Little monkey dx late 2009 at 17 months of age
    PINGing as of July 2010

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    New Orleans
    Posts
    193

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    A new baby at home, and a toddler with diabetes, i'm sure you are overwhelmed. I marvel at the strength of parents who have cwd diagnosed so young and you are doing a great job! I'm sure it will never be what others consider normal, but please find a little bit of comfort knowing that as your little one gets older, it will be easier. There is light at the end of the tunnel!

    In the short term, is there someone you trust that could be trained to handle testing and insulin delivery for a couple of hours every now and then so that you and your husband can get away? It may be worth it to ask your ped endo if they know of any responsible teenagers with diabetes who are able to babysit. An enthusiastic, engaged teen who knows how to handle highs and lows - what a dream!
    Marie
    Mom to Julia (15) dx 12/08
    Pumping with tSlim

  6. #6

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    I think part of it is just accepting that it takes a lot to come out of yur comfort zone. By comfort, I don't mean you're comfortable. I mean, what seems impossible now, it can actually be made to work once in a while, if you really feel like pushing your boundaries a bit.

    We have 1 person whom we trust with our kids. But she doesn't live close-by, and she doesn't drive. Plus, she supervises Ian when he tests his BG, calls us, and we tell her what to do (bolus or correct - we're pumping, btw). She is hesitant to learn Glucagon, as it freaks her out. I'm hoping she's willing to get over her fear one day. For now, we either pick her up and drive her back home, or we take both kids to her house. We maybe use her as a babysitter 2 or 3 times a year, LOL, but would do this more, if she drove. The key for us is that she calls us whenever. We prefer being on top of the situation than not.

    Anyway, it is doable. For nursing, you can pump the milk ahead of time too. And, if you find someone willing to take over the basic D stuff for a couple of hours once in a while, then I think you may feel a bit recharged afterward.

    As for feeling bad for taking a couple of hours and leaving the kids with your husband, I think he would enjoy the time with them. It's not because you're at home, that you don't "work", kwim? And you can do the same to him. Let him go bowling or whatever once in a while.

    It's very hard to step out of our known zone and find ways to make things work, but it is possible.

    Hang in there!!

    PS - I totally understand about how other people's lives seem to "easy" compared to ours. But we never really know what is going on behind closed doors.
    Mom to 2 boys (6 & 8), oldest dx in Oct. '06
    Pump MM522 w/ Sure-Ts infusion sets since July '10
    Previously pump Deltec Cozmo w/ Contact-Detach sets

    "He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which." ~ Douglas Adams

  7. #7

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    I felt the same exact way a few years ago I promise it doesnt take 6 years to feel differently but when Steven was diagnosed I had a 3 year old and a 6 year old. Having the 6 year old in school helped alot but I longed for the companionship of friends that I had prior to diagnosis. It often seemed that during the days the house was full of me, Steven and diabetes. It was an exhausting way to live. I was obsessed with d care and wouldnt let myself do things that I had enjoyed before. I now realize that not only do I have a right to enjoyment but a need for things that are my own. My boys are older so they keep themselves busy without alot of involvement by me now.

    When your kids are napping do things that you enjoy, dont feel like its time to catch up on housework. Give a friend a call or get on FB if you have it or get FB and chat with other d Moms that are home during the day. I find that very enjoyable now, we can vent, whine, bit**, laugh, crack jokes and just understand each other. Also, dont feel guilty about wanting to get away from everyone. On the weekend set aside a few hours to yourself where hubby takes over at home and you go out and shop or lunch with a friend, a walk, antiguing, something thats just for you. I can guarantee youll go back home feeling peaceful and looking forward to being with your family again while looking forward to next weekends jaunt
    Becky, Mom to Steven 12, dxd 7/04 MDI humolog and Lantus, Harry 14 non-d My 2 awesome boys

    Right now three things remain: Faith, hope and love But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13


    "There is no rightness in diabetes. Just sometimes, you're less wrong." by Jacobs Dad

  8. #8

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    When my son was diagnosed, he was 3, and I had a eight month old. It was very, very stressful. (Frankly, it was stressful BEFORE he was diagnosed. Babies and toddlers are a lot of work!) It did get better, but it took time. Time for me to get more comfortable with D care, and time for the kids to get older and easier to deal with.

    While you may not feel comfortable now leaving your kids in someone else's care, it is something you probably want to work towards. Maybe you could hire a neighborhood teenager for the baby, and ask one of your friends to watch your D child while you and DH went out for supper. Just a couple hours may help you recharge your batteries.

    And do NOT feel guilty about going to the store or wherever after your DH comes home from work. I work part-time, and let me tell you that it is FAR less stressful than being home with the kids. I consider any time where I get to pee alone and drink my OWN Diet Coke bliss! It is not too much to ask that your husband watch the kids for a couple hours while you have supper with girlfriends or go to the bookstore. And you can reciprocate for him some evening. You NEED to take care of yourself too.
    Mom to J., age 10
    Dx 2007 @ age 3
    Medtronic pump and CGM (4/2008-6/2013)
    Tandem t:slim and Dexcom G4 CGM (current)

  9. #9

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    I understand how you feel (I posted on your pump thread). I am a sahm and even though I am very grateful to be able to be here with the kids, it can be very overwhelming at times. I just out two weeks ago that I have hypothyroidism and had to go to the dr yesterday for really bad muscle pain. Turns out that my right shoulder is very very inflamed. Are you able to get out and leave the kids with your hubby for a couple of hours? Maybe go and have a massage or have lunch with some friends? David can do his own bs checks and can work the pump but has to have supervision. A couple of weeks ago I really wanted to go to the movies so we waited till the kids went to bed and then my mother was able to watch them. She is familiar with his care but hasn't learned to operate the pump. Granted we had to watch a late movie (9pm) but we were able to go out for a bit. Maybe something like this would work for you?
    Gina, Mom to
    David 9 yrs old, dx 12/14/09-Pumping Blue MM Revel 5/27/10
    Gabriela-6 yrs old

  10. #10

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    Now that the shock of dx is over and we have settled into a routine, D is much more "ordinary" for us. I wish D was the only problem Jackson had - if it was we could have a more normal life. I've never been able to leave him with anyone for long because of his other issues/special needs. So D makes it a little harder, but not much. It's not as much of an issue as his other problems now that we are used to it.

    We are going to start using respite care again this month for the first time since his D dx. I'm a little concerned about that, but not horribly, as I will have my phone and will stay in the area so can get to him quickly if needed.

    I think respite care should be available to everyone that has a D child, even if the child has no other complications. Just a few hours a month makes a huge difference!
    Kim
    Mom to:
    Jessica, non-D age 20
    and Jackson, D age 16 Dx Jan. 2010
    Pinging with insets
    CGM'ing with the G4!

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