You say your daughter has had D for 13 years, but how old is she?
You also said that she cannot have pop, candy, cake, etc., why? If she's using a pump why not bolus for the carbs?
Over the years have you and she updated the training offered by your D clinic? Do they have a social worker on staff who can help you both out with your feelings?
I am a successful D - had it for 26 yrs - no complications yet (touch wood). I was also a "non-compliant" D for most of my teen years, however back then the treatment and care was not even close to what it is now. I never got my first glucometer until I was almost 19.
I would also have to agree with a lot of what has already been said that sometimes we expect out teenagers to be too indepenent. Sometimes by them rebelling and not checking and sneaking food is a cry for someone to step in and help or take over all or portions of care for awhile.
This is a crummy disease and I think some parents are too restrictive and are doling out punishment for "non-compliance" too liberally. I'm all for more of a positive reinforcement rather than punishment. And I know you are all thinking "well if they want to live then they have to do this without being rewarded so why should I reward them" and yes to a point that is true, but I'm not talking about extravagant rewards either. Everything should be kept in perspective. Even compliments go a long way.
T1-32+ yrs MDI
Mom to Ryan (10 yrs, dx 9/30/05, MDI)
and Cody (8 yrs)