OT: Family Christmas

[WestinsMom]

Okay, so every year we spend Christmas day home. That is not a problem or an issue. The issue is that this year my father moved to FL but will be back for a few days in December. I thought that with him not being around (locally) that I would easily get a free pass on having to have any kind of Christmas (not on Christmas) get to gether with my sisters. (My mom passed 5 years ago)

My sisters and I have not managed to have a "gathering" for Christmas in 2 years. Scheduling conflicts. I like not getting together.

We don't get a long real well. Actually, the other two sisters get along smashingly. I guess I am the black sheep. We had a big blow up this fall about favortism and I just don't feel like getting together. My dad will come see us seperately.

So here is the deal. Yesterday my youngest sister sends out an email asking about planning a Christmas get together. Wants to set a date, talk about drawing names, etc. I ignored it. Today my other sister respondes with talk about names and what to serve, etc. I still have not responded.

I really don't want to get together. I have said for months that we are not doing Christmas with them anymore. How do I bow out? Can I bow out?

[KeltonsMom]

Be honest and tell them you want to spend Christmas home alone. I do not get along with my older sister or one of my older brothers, so I have not spent a family holiday with either of them in many years and I like it better this way..There are no arguments, and no tension..The holidays create tension of their own, no need to add to it..

I hope you enjoy your Christmas holiday!!

[Abby-Dabby-Doo]

This is probably easier said than done, it really depends on your personality.

If you can't be honest with your family, than who can you be honest with? Explain that your not comfortable doing the "family" Christmas, and you'd like to pass this year. I think the shorter the better, no sense going into detail, that's where feelings get hurt if your trying not to do so.

[WestinsMom]

I guess what kills me is that I had said to my youngest sister months ago that I am not doing Christmas. Maybe she didn't think I was serious.

Do I say I have plans that day? I really don't want to start anything, I just don't want be included. My middle sister is "so busy" that we always have to work around her schedule. I would love to be like, "Well, we have this on that day and this on that day. We could be available at the end of January." Oh wait, that is what my middle sister said last year, hence we didn't have a get together. :)

I wish I could be like, "Oh, we are going to be gone for the month of December!"

[OSUMom]

Could you just say "I had mentioned to 'name of younger sister' getting together this Christmas is just not going to work for me" and leave it at that? I think keeping it as short as possible is best too, but I'm all for doing what you want to do. Wish I could take my own advice. :cool:

[wendyc]

Keep it short and to the point. As I said over the summer we want to have a quiet holiday. Don't apologize, just be polite, but firm.

[WestinsMom]

Thanks for all the great suggestions. I left it with, "As I mentioned to Dad and Stephanie earlier in the year, I am not doing a family Christmas."

[Momof4gr8kids]

It can be hard to bow out of some of these things with family. I know how it goes. I like my husbands family ~ until they are all together. I have came home for 2 Christmases in a row crying because of the things that have happened. I'm not used to bickering over how much a gift cost, or clicks within families. It drives me batty and feels like un christmas to me.

Some of the excuses I wish I had the guts to use:
We all have the flu and are highly contagious.
I was dead at the time.
I can't because I don't want to.
I was dead at the time.
This year we've decided to not celebrate Christmas with the stores, but on our own. (That just got us out of the present drawing, I actually used it last year, but still had to go)

[coni]

Thanks for all the great suggestions. I left it with, "As I mentioned to Dad and Stephanie earlier in the year, I am not doing a family Christmas."

Good for you! Don't let them drag you into reasons why, etc. Some people's personal dramas become intensified during the holidays. We all need to set boundaries for ourselves that maintain our sanity - more true for me now with the task of diabetes managment than ever before.

I hope you enjoy your holidays!

[momofphoenix]

Oh the wonderful family drama!!! :D

I have used the

I can't come because I really don't feel like fighting over stupid stuff....

I don't want to waste my family time to go to your house.....

And my favorite one that got me out of every Christmas with my father for the past 7 years...
"Why would I get my son all dressed up and excited for christmas at your house when he gets a pre-broken toy and nothing but fighting??" We never have to go to thier house. :D

I hope your short explination works and they dont try to drag you into a fight...

Happy Holidays to all of you!!!!!

[Boo]

I'd also make it clear to them (in a polite way) that you will not be offended if the two of them choose to get together without you. Heck...if you are really the black sheep, then they might be relieved. Then everyone can be happy doing what they chose to do and nobody needs to feel any holiday guilt!

[WestinsMom]

Trust me, they will carry on without me. Then they will all talk about me. My dad may or may not relay what has been said. At least it will just be them and not any extended family hearing all the sh*t they will have to talk about. This summer I HAD to miss an event due to true illness and I actually know they had a pow wow. I can assume all the extended family was privy to it too.

Maybe I should say that I am not the black sheep in any "negative" way. I am just different from them. As I have said before, their biggest problems in life are how to get their kids to soccer. I don't think they have a clue what I deal with on a daily basis with D. (They have never cared for Westin or spent more than 2 hours at a time around him.)

I guess I would say that I am not in their clique.

[WestinsMom]

Well, I wasn't lucky enough to get away with saying I wasn't going without a reply. And I am sure there will be more replies as the email received. The jist was if we are going to see Dad why not do it all together. I replied that I enjoy not doing the family Christmas thing and that I enjoy seeing Dad alone. I hope that is the end of it.

[Lindy]

I don't know Michelle - sounds like there are more family dynamics at play here. And, to me it sounds like you are a bit hurt that your family is not understanding what you and your family is going thru. Hurt feelings can have a way of expressing themselves as anger. I can certainly understand setting boundaries. But is it true that you really LIKE spending Christmas alone - or is it that you are hurt by previous actions and don't want to go because of it? I'm an open and honest gal - and have been known to lay my thoughts and feelings out and sometimes it's been pretty ugly. If you like being alone - fine, but if it is something else - then I think that may be worth talking about. JMO- Good Luck! ;)

[WestinsMom]

I like not spending Christmas with them. And it is because of hurt feelings. I like the no hastle, non fake christmas I have with my husband and children. If it were an occasion that I would see people that I "like" then I would surely go. But it is just them and my dad. I can see my dad at my house. :) There is no reason to be there.

[zimbie45]

Id just tell them that you and you husband have both agreed to a very small privet christmas at home, and that at this time they need to respect that... Its your family choice. I would not lay blame to any one particular. I would just say that. and ask that they leave it alone and understand..