Site change question...

[Mama2H]

So dh and I were having a bit of an argument last night and he says to me "When are you going to make her change her own sites? You have to let her grow up." Ok, this really really pissed me off but I want to know if I am overreacting. I understand that some day she will have to change her own sites and I am also confident that if she ripped a site out she would be able to put a new one in with phone instruction from me. My issue is......Why should she have to? To me this is like asking why I don't make the girls cook thier own dinner. Yes, some day they aer going to have to feed themselves but not for quite a while. This comes up every couple of weeks and dh really thinks I am being stupid changing her sites while she sleeps and not making her do it. IMHO she has the rest of her life to have to do this, she is 11! At 11 years old I want her to have as close as possible to a normal life and how many normal 11 year olds have to stick needles and tubing in themselves? Did he have to do half of the things that she does as a child???

Ok, so tell me, am I doing too much or is he expecting too much from a child.

[momtojess]

Does she want to do them? I think it should be based on each kids and how ready they are.

Jessi is only 6. She doesnt know anyhting but pumping, she got one when she was 15 months old.. She loves to help me.. She know how to do it but she isnt physically strong enough to sqeeze it (we use the inset). In the last month or so, she get the whole thing ready, take the old site out, wipes the area, etc.. the only thing we do it help her insert it. I would never let her do it by herself yet, I think she is too young still. We just followed her lead as to what she was ready for.

Maybe show her how to do them, let her do it with your assistance, but you still do them if she doent want to. I wouldnt make it be her responsiblity completely.

[jules12]

I am with you. My ds is only 7 and he does most of his finger checks during the day but there are days he just doesn't want to deal with it - and that is OK by me. Same with counting carbs, sometimes he will weigh and check his carbs and other times he asks me to do it.

I would talk to you dd about it - I think it would be good for her to know how - at 11 in a few years she is going to want to do more and more things away from you - school functions, out with friends, overnights, etc. She may not want to have Mom come and do her site change. Maybe she could do one every month or so - just in case....to keep in practice.

[Mama2H]

She really does not want to do them. Once in a while dh will try to force her and she will become an emotional mess. I figure when she wants to start spending more time away from me she will start to take some of the responsibility. I used to do her site changes after dinner but it became such a battle that we came to an agreement that for now I would do them after she was asleep, for both of our sanity. I believe it is an emotional issue more than anything. She has enough to deal with when it comes to D that I feel this is the least I can do.

[momtojess]

[QUOTE=Mama2H;94580]She really does not want to do them.

I would force her to do them.. Eventually she will be ready to. maybe bring it up when it is time for a site change, to see if she wants to try while she is awake or if she would like to try it.. If not, no biggie.. I wouldnt ask each time just every one in a while

[kel4han]

I'm with you mom. I feel the same way when the school nurse pushes Maddison to use her pump, count carbs, give injections at age 7. :mad: Of course SOME DAY they will need to be responsible themselves. Until Maddison tells me she WANTS to do these things herself, (and I ask occasionally) I will do it ALL for her. I dont know about when she is 15 or 16...but 11 is age appropriate to still be doing this for her. You know that. Stick to your feelings. I have learned to roll my eyes at all those people that tell me to let her do it. They will never understand what a mom knows about this type of thing. Why does everyone wants their kids to grow up so fast anyway?

[Jensmami]

Nicole, I am so with you, I would never force my dd to a site change by herself unless she wants to. With the shots she did not want to them on her own and then one day, I did not even ask her, she said that she wants to try it and that was it. From that day on, she did most of her shots herself, without a day of fighting:D They have to deal with enough already:mad:

[LJS118]

I wouldn't force the issue, she was just dx'd last year right? That's a lot to take on so soon. Ryan is 11 and does he site changes most of the time, but he's also had d since he's 2!! I actually made him learn because I thought it was time, but I wouldn't force your daughter-its all still too new.

[Carrie]

She'll have plenty of years to do her own site changes!! I think by forcing her you could run the risk of early burn out.

[spamid]

I agree, DO NOT FORCE HER. My daughter does her own site changes, but she wants to do them, and actually gets upset if I do them. Your daughter will have to take this on soon enough, don't push it.

[Momof4gr8kids]

Barbara Davis Center has guidelines by stages that include D care. I'm not sure what those state for site changes, but you know Nicole, if she isn't ready, she isn't ready and making her ready before her time is going to have some HUGE phych ramifications. I have to say I agree with your choice not to make her 100%.

DH is an adult. He hates pushing the button to insert the site. I've been pushing those buttons for him for the last 2 weeks. Maybe that seems sick and twisted, but if I needed an injection I couldn't do it to myself. I know he'd do it for me. He can and has done his own, but if I can help him while he adjusts to pumping then that is what I want to do. His sites don't really hurt going in, it's more of a trigger shy type thing so I am sure that he will get over it, but it's just going to take some time.

[Lee]

Have your hubby read this thread from the Teen section...it is real kids with real thoughts on what parents should and shouldn't do! And thanks Heather from Cali for starting it...it helped me realize that I can't push my kids.
http://forums.childrenwithdiabetes.com/showthread.php?t=6261

[Twinklet]

We were told to not force things like this. Emily is 10 and has no interest in changing her own site. She did do it once and did a great job, but doesn't really want to do it again.

She also occasionally gets out her pump at dinner and says, "Mom will you bolus me?"

I think they get tired of it. This is a LOT of responsibility for our kids, and eventually they will not want us involved (or so I'm told ;)). Right now, at this age, I think they need to know they can rely on us when they're tired and burned out.

I just don't want to give her too much too young and have her burn out and not take care of herself when she's older.

[Mama2H]

Thank you all for your opinions! When Hailey was dx she did her own shots, she hated when I did them and she REALLY hated the few times I had to hold her down to do her Lantus. I think dh feels she is back sliding since before the pump she did her own shots and now I do the sites. Believe me, those first few months I ached to help her with her shots, it was painful for me to watch her struggle to put the needle in her skin and I wanted nothing more than to help her. I feel now by doing her site changes I am helping. She is so much less stressed at meal times and all around almost back to the happy girl pre-dx. I want to help her, I want to make her feel her age, I want to make this nasty disease a little bit easier on her, I do not want her to become an adult and refuse to take care of her D. My husband's brother was dx in his early 20's and to this day I am angry with him. He hid EVERYTHING from us. He told us basically it was just like type 2 except he had to take insulin, I was naive and believed him. I do not want my daughter to turn into an adult and be in self denial. Jamie, the psych issue is what I have in mind also. If she is 25 and pregnant and decides she cannot handle things I will help her however I can. I serously doubt that she is going to be calling me from college asking me to change her sites :o

[Momof4gr8kids]

If she is 25 and pregnant and decides she cannot handle things I will help her however I can. I serously doubt that she is going to be calling me from college asking me to change her sites :o
Never know, she might choose to live at home through college so you can do her sites :p

[Boo]

I would force her to do them.. Eventually she will be ready to. maybe bring it up when it is time for a site change, to see if she wants to try while she is awake or if she would like to try it.. If not, no biggie.. I wouldnt ask each time just every one in a while

Did you mean to say that you would NOT force her to do them? From the sound of the rest of your post, I think it was just a typo.

I wouldn't force the issue. She'll do it when she's ready.

[Mama2H]

Barbara Davis Center has guidelines by stages that include D care. I'm not sure what those state for site changes, but you know Nicole, if she isn't ready, she isn't ready and making her ready before her time is going to have some HUGE phych ramifications. I have to say I agree with your choice not to make her 100%.
.

Do you know where I can find the chart? I would like to print it out for dh. I can't find it in our pink panther book and am hunting online now.

[Momof4gr8kids]

Do you know where I can find the chart? I would like to print it out for dh. I can't find it in our pink panther book and am hunting online now.
MamaBelle posted it in a thread that was similar to this. I'll check into her past posts and see if I can find the link.

[momtojess]

Did you mean to say that you would NOT force her to do them? From the sound of the rest of your post, I think it was just a typo.

I wouldn't force the issue. She'll do it when she's ready.


Yes, sorry.. that was a typo.. I would NOT force a child to do any of the care.

[Mary Lou]

When Brian was dx'd our endo was VERY CLEAR that his care was our responsibility until he was 18.

The most recent research shows that children who are "pushed" into taking responsibility for their diabetes care are way more likley to rebell against all diabetes care when they are teenagers.

This is not to say they cannot help, or participate, or do their own shots, sets, whatever they express an interest in, but in our household, their care is our responsibility, their responsibility is to cooperate with that care and be little kids.

I'll see if I can dig up the information that our endo gave us on the topic. It made a lot of sense and put everything into perspective for us.

[emilyandkevsmom]

I agree with you 100%! I was told (by the school nurse :mad:) that my 7 yr old dd should be learning. I think not. She can bolus, do bg checks, etc, but she has WANTED to learn. I am letting Emily learn at her own pace with encouragement. I just try to think back to when I was their age, I don't think I would be able to check my own BG!

[Abby-Dabby-Doo]

Maybe I shouldn't respond because I know the both of you, but you know me...
Your DH always says I tell it like it is, straight shooter, right?

Tell DH that as of right now, you or Hailey aren't ready for that. Hailey has the rest of her life to do all these things regarding D, or until a cure is found. It isn't bothering anyone but him, I'm assuming, to do the site changes. Other than site changes what does he do? No, scratch that last sentence. I would let him know that until his nighttime is filled up with cooking meals, cleaning, laundry, and NOT hunting, watching TV, changing oil, hunting, drinking, hunting maybe he might have a say in the matter.

I still love you Cliff! <blowing kisses>

[jules12]

She really does not want to do them. Once in a while dh will try to force her and she will become an emotional mess. I figure when she wants to start spending more time away from me she will start to take some of the responsibility. I used to do her site changes after dinner but it became such a battle that we came to an agreement that for now I would do them after she was asleep, for both of our sanity. I believe it is an emotional issue more than anything. She has enough to deal with when it comes to D that I feel this is the least I can do.

Now that you added this - I would not make her - she will do it when she is ready....like you said - spending time away from you with a friend, etc. is a great motivator - I wouldn't force it - it's just not worth it for everything else they deal with! IMHO.