help with teen with type 1

[kea'smom]

Hello everyone! am new to this site but not new to diabetes. My son will be 16 x-mas day and has had diabetes since age 3. the past year he has been very uncooperative with managing his diabetes with really bad a1c's and now we were told his kidneys are stressed.I try to do everything i can by checking and giving his shots but when i am not around he eats what he wants, doesnt do his insuln on time and is always running 300! this past week i have taken over all i can and his sugars are getting better but i cant keep him under lock and key! we went to dinner tonight and he didnt bring his kit and got really mad at me for riding him! We ended up gettting it to go and he had a brake down when we got home and told me i dont understand how hard it is for him, that he knows he isnt going to live long and it isnt fair. It broke my heart to hear him talk like that. I told him i love him more than anything and i am only trying to get him in control so he will live a long normal life but we need to work together and that i will do as much as i can to make the burden easier. I am so heartbroken and just wanted to know if anyone else has been there. We are considering a pump for better control. Any thoughts?

[Boo]

I'm sorry that you are having these problems with your son lately. It sounds like he is feeling overwhelmed and a bit hopeless.

He needs to know that he can live a long, healthy life if he keeps himself in good control. I suspect a pump might be helpful...I'm glad we made the switch when we did, as it has been very helpful with my son's growing independence. However, your endo may want to see a bit more responsibility on his part before allowing him to make the change. If a pumper doesn't check BG regularly, and bolus appropriately, things can quickly go from bad to worse.

How does your son feel about trying a pump? Maybe you can use this goal as an incentive for him to buckle down a bit. It will be more work, but I think he will enjoy the freedom that the pump allows. My son was very much against the pump, and I tried for a year to convince him to try one. Eventually, I had to bribe him. Within the first week, I knew he wouldn't want to go back to shots.

I don't want to sound too harsh, but when you went out for dinner, you didn't remember to bring his kit either, so don't be too hard on him. When we go out together, I always carry my son's stuff (granted he is younger, but given your recent issues, I think I'd go back to carrying his stuff yourself, or at the very least reminding him to bring it before you leave the house). My son rarely tests his BG without me reminding him first :rolleyes: Sometimes I even have to literally bring his kit to him. Yes, it drives me nuts sometimes, but I try to keep it as routine as possible hoping that someday he'll just take over that routine. Thinking back to when I was 16, there was no way I'd have been responsible for all of this on my own...he's really still a kid, and if he is feeling overwhelmed, you need to step in with gentle reminders, and do things such as logging his BG numbers, helping to draw up shots, etc.

I hope things get better for you soon. I dread entering the teenage years...I do expect things to get worse for us before they get better. Good luck to you!

[OSUMom]

My heart goes out to your son and to you. :cwds: Welcome to posting on the CWD forums. :cwds:

If he's not checking his BG regularly the pump would be a concern. He's going to get that drip drip drip of insulin (I'm so scientific aren't I) and could go low without knowing it without checking. Others issues as well. My son loves the insulin pump for the freedom it does give him, but he is of course now attached to this device. Some teenagers don't want to have this attachment to their bodies. It's such a personal choice. Your endo will be concerned based on your son's care also. However, I think my answer to what you're asking is my son loves his pump (well based on the fact that he has to have insulin :rolleyes:).

Your son is in my thoughts and prayers. It's a difficult road for these kids. :cwds:

[LantusFiend]

I know that the "you can live a long healthy life" line bugs me, and I wouldn't be surprised if it bugs him too.
There's two problems. One is that no level of control, and probably not the level that he can imagine himself improving to, carries a nondiabetic life expectancy, and none has a less than 80% chance of complications over 40 years. So I really really hate that line. It's like saying that when I get complications it'll be my fault. :mad::mad::( I suggest instead pointing out that control could delay the onset of complications and extend his life by a decade and that if he gets better control- say he goes down to 7.5 on the A1c- he's still making an improvement on his overall health, and will probably feel less tired in the short run.
The other problem is that depression (and your son might be depressed) especially in teenagers, can make it really hard to believe that you can control anything, and that life is a worthwhile goal. Everything can look overwhelming, and diabetes is overwhelming anyways. Your son might want to see a counselor to talk about this stuff, although to be honest I don't feel like mine really understands.
I forget my stuff (meters, insulin, etc) on a regular basis, because I'm a teenager and because that's what kind of person I am. I never tell my folks or my boss or whoever nondiabetic I'm with because I don't like getting blamed. That doesn't mean that I'm not trying to take care of myself- and my A1c is 6.3.

[Ellen]

Very nice advice LantusFiend.

Yesterday I stumbled upon this person's post and was struck by how difficult it must feel to deal with the diabetes with this perspective and I wondered how many other teens/adults are strugging similarly: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=63628300&blogID=270522599

We have always tried to give our son the room to vent about all he hates about the diabetes, validate the feelings, and also to frequently praise his efforts with respect to the diabetes tasks expected. Keep trying to work as a team. Ask how you can help...see if there are things you can do to take some of the burden off him (bring the meter to him to check before dinner, offer to count the carbs, prepare the syringe etc.). I also think it's great to have choices...Does your child like the endo? If not, would you be willing to find a new one? I second the idea of finding a counselor.

[Lee]

Thanks Ellen for posting that. Anything that gives me insight into my child's mind about diabetes helps me to realize how I can help her. It sounds like the frustration is from having to do it ALL himself. Try giving your son a d-vacation. Tell him you just want to give him as much of a break as you can, not because you think he doesn't handle it well, but because he is burning out, and you are mom, and you are there to help him. Count the carbs for a week, remember the meter, remind him to test, make sure he has enough strips, etc, etc,etc...do as much for him as you can, because he will be a grown-up soon enough and have to do it all himself.

[Hollyb]

I think Kae's mom is already doing this as much as she can but the reality is 16-year-olds are away from home a lot -- she can't take over everything.

Some time with a good counsellor could help if your son is feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. Depression is a real possibility, and if that's the underlying problem then no change of treatment plan is likely to help much.

That said, a pump could make some things easier -- in particular, when he's at school or hanging with his friends, covering lunch and snacks with insulin would be faster and less of a disruption. I do think a pump makes it easier for teens to look after themselves when they're away from home. Also your insulin is always with you, so that's one less thing to forget. But there is also more paraphernalia, the site changes to remember, insulin levels to watch (I just got the third call in 2 months that my son ran out of insulin at school), the need to stay on top of testing, etc. I guess I would say pumping is easier in public, but more finicky behind the scenes. It definitely gives teens more freedom with their lifestyle and diet.

It's heartbreaking to watch a kid you love struggling and not know how to help. I hope you're able to work with your son and help him find a way through this .

[kea'smom]

I guess i should have been more dpecific in that i do ALOT of this for him already! I chech him in the am and at dinner, draw his insuln, do his shot AND count his carbs! It is when he is out and about with his friends or at hockey practice or games when i cant do it for him and he just blows it off. I always say before we leave the house do you have your kit , it is just second nature and i wish he would make some small attempt to help because i feel i am trying my best to do what i can for him but he needs to kick in a little effort. No he does not like his endo at all but that is because he feels like he is being attacked every time he goes there but his dr. is just trying to get him to see the big picture. I might also add he was diagnosed with addisons disease 4 years ago wich only adds to his frustration!

[Lee]

Poor guy, I wish I had some good advice for you...all I can say is stay the course and he will get better about it soon, I hope...

[JoesMom]

I guess i should have been more dpecific in that i do ALOT of this for him already! I chech him in the am and at dinner, draw his insuln, do his shot AND count his carbs! It is when he is out and about with his friends or at hockey practice or games when i cant do it for him and he just blows it off. I always say before we leave the house do you have your kit , it is just second nature and i wish he would make some small attempt to help because i feel i am trying my best to do what i can for him but he needs to kick in a little effort. No he does not like his endo at all but that is because he feels like he is being attacked every time he goes there but his dr. is just trying to get him to see the big picture. I might also add he was diagnosed with addisons disease 4 years ago wich only adds to his frustration!


AND don't forget he is a teen. That, in my humble opinion, is the biggest D obstacle right now in your life. It certainly is in ours. Teenagers are just rebellious, onery, stubborn and smart mouthed. I have 3 teen boys and I tell ya, it's a pain. Throw in a couple of diagnoses on top of all that hormone and wa-la, you have a recipe for a class-A rebellion. If I were to add anything I would say just keep fighting the fight, you are doing a great job, and eventually the rebellion will die down and the kid you know and love will come out of the teen skin and show you peeks at the great and healthy man he will be.

[Ellen]

You're a terrific mom and understandably frustrated. Addison's on top of that. How is he about carrying salt and taking the necessary precautions for the Addison's? What a difficult combination of diagnoses.

What are his goals? Does he drive yet? I think we can have some leverage with respect to privileges earned based on how responsible our teens are with their diabetes.

[susanH]

i'm so sorry you're both struggling. my son is 19 and was diagnosed at 3 too, i still did the AM finger check until he graduated high school...in the morning before he got up. :cwds: the pump is an option but it is also hardware attached to him and my son still struggles to conceal that dang pump no matter what; they just want to fit in. i do believe getting the pump empowered him though. he seemed to feel more 'in control' of his situation and therefore more in control of his diabetes. when he saw, for himself, that better control meant he felt better, he was more motivated to feel better every day. we never look way ahead, we have lived in the moment and it is tedious to say the least, but we try diligently to not dwell on future what ifs. i used to tell him that if he cares for today, that's all that matters cuz that's all any of us ever have...today.

i have a type 1 friend, older adult who has lived with D for 60 years, and she tells me the hardest thing about the whole lifestyle is NOT FITTING IN. she said she never, even today, felt like she belonged and a non diabetic person has no idea what this feels like. imagine being a teenager when "blending" is so important, fitting in is a priority...this is a difficult walk for a young person.

i might suggest the counseling thing to him. my non-d child had depression issues and a counselor was a very good thing.

the way you care for you son, helping out, is very much the way we lived when he was in high school. i thought he'd never survive being away at school cuz i always seemed to be "doing" for him...even when he comes home now, he will look at his dinner plate, look at me and ask how many do you think?:cwds:

i hope your son gets confidence in himself with his diabetes, he is an athlete so i know he's full of confidence on the ice. he needs to feel that power with his own care, he needs to own his diabetes not have it push him around.

i'll keep him in my prayers.

[AJsmom]

My heart goes out to you...I know this is very difficult. You are doing a great job with your son! Teenagers are just hard. AJ is 15 and was dx when he was 2 and the teenage years have been the hardest so far. Like you, I try to do what I can when he is at home, but there is so much time when he is not at home. I do check his pump and his test kit to see if he has been checking and bolusing regularly (ususally when he's sleeping so he doesn't know I'm checking up on him:cwds:). We've always had a good relationship, but he is a teenager and chooses to "shut down" and not communicate with me every now and then. He is also trying to find a way to feel like he has some control over something. His A1C's have been running high as well. At AJ's last endo appointment the endo asked him why his A1C wasn't coming down. I immediately jumped in and took the blame. I told the dr. that I thought is was b/c I needed to do a better job with fixing his plate when we have our meals at home...that we had been doing this for so long and I was so use to eyeballing his amounts that over the years I had probably started giving him more than the normal serving size. It made the endo happy to have a reason and I actually heard my son give a big exhale! I couldn't stand the thought of him getting another lecture from his dr...he knows what he needs to do and he knows what could happen if he doesn't. When we got in the car my son looked at me and asked "so you think it's not figuring the carbs right?" My reply was "Yes, I haven't been doing a very good job with that." A smile from my son. For now the lines of communication have opened back up. I think the best we can do as parents is keep these lines open. My husband and I try very hard not to fuss to much when he forgets his D care. However, he does know that there are consequences when he continually frogets...we use driving, cell phone, even me coming to the high school and having lunch with him as negotiating tools. Ask your son what he thinks could be done...maybe a new endo would be a good place to start...one that doesn't make him feel so beaten down. AJ loves his pump and would not give it up for anything! If your son is willing to take on the responsibility it would definitely be a good thing. Good luck! You're doing great! Continue to talk, talk , talk and let him know that you are his biggest fan! Keep us posted!

[lulu]

Kea's mom,

I want to say that my daughter who is 14 and soon 15 has had a difficult time accepting this whole diabetes thing. Somewhat of a rebellious stage, which I have discovered is common. She has been feeling really ill lately, hormones adding an unusual twist to the blood sugar control. She feels sick and does not like it. The last a1c was 7.1. I try so hard to help in any area, but teenagers want freedom. Being under the thumb of a parent is not usually what a teen desires.

My daughter just wants to be a normal kid...eat a peanut butter cup at will like other kids. Last night her bs was 501 and she was sick. I was ready to head to the hospital. I have not seen a number like that since diagnosis a year ago. I tried to be less controlling, but then she did not feel like I cared. Last night she said that she wants to be in better control, feeling so sick is painful. I hope that she really means it.

I feel for you as the teenage years are difficult to begin with...add diabetes woooo! I just keep supporting her.

[kel4han]

It sounds like you are doing everything right. Burn out and loss of self care interest happens. For how long, is what you want to look out for. As an adult with "D" I have only been playing this game for 2 years, and it gets old. You get tired, and sometimes you just don't care. Its like always giving 150% at work and only being acknowledged for 50%. Just sliding by. So one day you just decide to "slide by" doing the minimum like everyone else. But, then you learn you feel crappy and come to terms with the cause and effect. Then you do better. You can only find that in yourself, there is nothing you can say to your son to get him there. He has to find the "care" and desire to do better within himself. It's hard. Venting feelings/counseling may help. What helped me was talking to adults at http://diabetesforums.com and being supported by others just like me. Others that have been there, had the same emotions and struggles. Maybe that will help?

[Heather(CA)]

Thanks Ellen for posting that. Anything that gives me insight into my child's mind about diabetes helps me to realize how I can help her. It sounds like the frustration is from having to do it ALL himself. Try giving your son a d-vacation. Tell him you just want to give him as much of a break as you can, not because you think he doesn't handle it well, but because he is burning out, and you are mom, and you are there to help him. Count the carbs for a week, remember the meter, remind him to test, make sure he has enough strips, etc, etc,etc...do as much for him as you can, because he will be a grown-up soon enough and have to do it all himself.

I agree 100%:cwds:

[mischloss]

I can so relate to this post. My son will be 13 in June and already the attitude and "freedom" is kicking in. He has had D since Sept. of 2005 and he is on the pump. I am actually at the point of wishing he were back on shots if you can believe it. Why do you ask? Because the pump is TOO convenient! In other words he eats and forgets to even take the darn thing out of his pocket to hit the bolus button! I have to remind him to do it!!! I figure with a shot, he would have the shot right there in front of him, like we used to and as soon as he finished his food, we would count the carbs and inject!

He is also very lazy about morning BG checks. Since the winter break, he would sleep in and I would have to wake him up at around 9am at the latest (talk about grump!!!) to make him check his BG just so that I would know what the baseline was for the morning. It could be anywhere from 79 to 250 and he wouldn't care!!

I seriously think it is the age and their brain is going in all different directions. With my son it is skateboarding and girls right now and D is way down the list!!! I just have to settle for the fact that I will be a nag for the next few years until he gets his act together!

Good luck and don't give up on him. He will come around. :cwds:

[Tamara Gamble]

I'm sorry to bud in but did you say Addison's disease? I actually suffer from adrenal fatigue myself due to various factors particularly stress. Your son has had diabetes for a very long time. Things were not always as good as they are now as far as treatment.

He's tired. He's just tired. It sounds like he is so stressed he is going in a vicious circle. I would like to suggest a book by Dr. Wilson: Adrenal Fatigue. I don't know what your doctor has told you or what you have read about the topic but this is a great source of information. It works.

Yes there are changes that need to happen with the diet that part stinks but he will feel so much better. Even the flaxseed oil will make a huge difference. I would have him see someone also. There is depression linked with chronic disease like diabetes but addison's is a really tough one. Carry the load for him for a while. The kid needs a break probably. If he has addison's it is debilitating, throw diabetes in there, no wonder the kid is a wreck.

I would also consider the pump. I know you are supposed to test more often with it but he will also have the freedom to eat like teens do. Let him eat, adjust his diet a little. He will feel more human about it all. His attitude will start improving and I think he won't feel so hopeless.

I will be thinking about you and your son. My prayer's are for both of you.

Tami

[TwoSons]

I am new to this board. My heart goes out to you and your child. Being a parent of a child with diabetes is difficult at best. As others have said, the child with diabetes wants to "fit in." My oldest sons were diagnosed with diabetes when the youngest was 2 and the oldest was 9. The youngest of the two struggled with being accepted by peers. I did everything I could to help him accept and respect his diabetes. When he was away from home he lived life on the "edge" and ate whatever he pleased. He succumbed to diabetes on January 18 at the age of 25. I joined this board so that through my pain I could make a difference in the lives of children with diabetes and their parents.

[OSUMom]

I am new to this board. My heart goes out to you and your child. Being a parent of a child with diabetes is difficult at best. As others have said, the child with diabetes wants to "fit in." My oldest sons were diagnosed with diabetes when the youngest was 2 and the oldest was 9. The youngest of the two struggled with being accepted by peers. I did everything I could to help him accept and respect his diabetes. When he was away from home he lived life on the "edge" and ate whatever he pleased. He succumbed to diabetes on January 18 at the age of 25. I joined this board so that through my pain I could make a difference in the lives of children with diabetes and their parents.


TwoSons, my heart goes out to you!!!!!!! Your reality is my worst nightmare, I'm so so sorry. How is your older son doing? Know you have a home here. We'd like to help you as well...... :cwds::cwds:

[Margaret O]

Two Sons,

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your heart. I pray that you, your other D son, and the rest of the family stays well.

[TwoSons]

TwoSons, my heart goes out to you!!!!!!! Your reality is my worst nightmare, I'm so so sorry. How is your older son doing? Know you have a home here. We'd like to help you as well...... :cwds::cwds:

Thank you for your kind words. My older son is doing well. His diabetes is in good control. I am glad about that, the past 19 months have been horrible b/c we watched my middle son suffer so much and felt helpless. I also have a 12 year old and thank goodness he is non-D and healthy.