How did you prepare your child for college?

[Grace]

Did you do anything special? Anyone have a child who didn't want (or was afraid) to go to college?

My husband and I have been talking about this a lot lately. Our son is only a sophomore but he is totally NOT on the college path... at least in HIS mind. Not because he isn't a capable student, but because he is afraid, I think. This has as much to do with his age, I would guess, as it does with diabetes because he was already thinking these thoughts before dx. Now he just has the excuse he didn't have before.

We are fortunate that we live in a rural area outside of a university town. Living at home is an option we can consider if it comes down to that.

So what was it like at your house? Chat with me. Reassure me. Sending our kids off into the world is hard enough without having to worry about diabetes in the first place. If there is anything you can share with me that will help ease our minds or prepare us for the future, I would be most appreciative!

[Ali]

I am much older than your son...but when I went off to college as a type one no one suggested it might be a problem. Different era!! But FYI, the best advice I can give is to have someone check in with him every morning to make sure he is up-call from the parents or a friend or his roommate, make sure and go to the health center when he gets sick, and watch the drinking. Have him talk in depth with his Dr. about drinking and its impact. Good luck.Ali

[OSUMom]

When was your son diagnosed, Grace? :cwds: My son has not been afraid, but my heart goes out to you all as I can see how easily it would be to feel that way. :cwds: As reassurance, my son had no problems freshman year. We feel like we armed ourselves with a lot of good information beforehand and kept in constant touch with text messaging and phone calls - as much as we could squeeze in with our son's "schedule". :)

As I am thinking... is your son a sophomore in high school? If he is, I have another Non-D son who is a sophomore, and he is so not on the college mind set yet. That's normal. I was thinking your son was college age and maybe newly diagnosed? If he's in high school, I'd say you have time on your side for sure.

I just wanted to add there is a huge difference in maturity that happens - or I can only speak from our experience - from where your son is now to when he'll be heading off to college in 3 years. Even from the beginning of senior year to the summer he prepares to leave for college I remember a big difference - in fact the biggest difference of all. They surprise us thankfully. :)

[Margaret O]

I totally agree. I had great doubts about our son's readiness for college during sophmore year. He was not terribly interested in school, although he was a good student and in honors classes. We thought (and even suggested) that maybe he should take a year off after HS before starting college. His D control was sporatic but he was very involved in track and his A1c was probably the best during that time.

Junior year he started looking at colleges and that's when things started to kick in. He spent a week away at a college during the summer before senior year for a "television institute" (he wants to go into broadcast journalism). It was great for him to experience life on his own. There was no one there that he knew and he was totally responsible for his own D care. (Of course he gave all the details to the RA in the dorm.) He loved it and came back with a confidence and a drive for the next phase in his life. He was honest about checking his b/g (or not) but he did it and I think it showed us and him that he could manage on his own. It was only for a week, but preparing for it and actually going away on his own was great practice for the real thing (for all of us!);)

[Grace]

When was your son diagnosed, Grace?
It's only been six months.... one week after his 15th birthday. The fear, I'm sure, is the result of the problems he had with soccer right after dx. I'll spare the details because I think I've vented enough here about what happened. :p


As I am thinking... is your son a sophomore in high school? If he is, I have another Non-D son who is a sophomore, and he is so not on the college mind set yet. That's normal. I was thinking your son was college age and maybe newly diagnosed? If he's in high school, I'd say you have time on your side for sure.
I used to not worry and attribute the attitude to his age. My concern now is that he'll use diabetes as an excuse not to grow up. :cwds: He is SUCH an introvert and homebody. Used to be the only thing that motivated him was soccer, but even that doesn't work these days. Bleh. You've definitely given me hope, though! Was your son still in high school when he was dx or was he already at college? I remember that he was older when dx, but not the details.

[susanH]

don't lose heart grace!

my son was/is fairly introverted. he was diagnosed on his 3rd birthday and is now in his sophomore year, 3 hours away.

i think the scariest part for us was realizing that he had not been away from us for an overnight in 15 years, with the exception of a school camp for 2 nights. he did not demonstrate any outward desire to leave home; he just knew it would be a part of his plan from early on.

i think he was still in his junior year and we were visiting colleges and i was still telling myself "he just isn't ready" "we'll keep him home for a year" "he needs to get more confidence" i had alot of reasons why he couldn't go. i never looked at all the reasons why he could go and why he would make a great independent, responsible away-from-home student. a huge part of me thinks he was thinking the very same thing i was, i.e. "can i really do this" "i'm not as old as everyone else in my class"...etc maybe he picked that vibe up from me...but whatever...he went, maybe it was baptism by fire, and i can tell you he has done great.

the most remarkable thing, i believe, is his recognizing that HE CAN MAKE IT ON HIS OWN, because he is. he is such a different person now and i think his realizing that he can be so successfully independent just snowballed and he has grown emotionally way beyond my expectations. it can and does happen all the time, D or not.

i hope you see him relaxing into this whole concept and being more open to living at college as he goes thru high school. truly, i didn't do much to prepare my son, he was very able to care for himself and the D, i just tried to always stay positive about college life and how i thought it was the best time of my life.

another really important factor, i think, is that the student match the school they go to. my son happens to love his program of study and he instantly felt he had a home with what he was studying. if he were misplaced or mismatched in a program we'd pushed on him, i think things would have turned out differently....who knows, they still may but for now he is on a good, solid path. i wish the same for you and you son.

[OSUMom]

Grace I'm sorry I did not see your follow up post. Dean was diagnosed 2 weeks after his high school graduation. We had a crazy summer of learning all about how to live with Type 1 and he went on the Minimed insulin pump within a few weeks of diagnosis. Dean happens to be a social kind of kid, but certainly has periods of being self-conscious and at times even depressed especially this past summer with some health difficulties.

My younger son the sophmore in high school - though does not have diabetes - is our boy who doesn't want to leave home, youngest in his class, and the introvert. :cwds: I know even 3 years ago, I couldn't picture my younger son at the high school and here he is!! :cwds: So 3 years a lot can happen I say. :cwds:

[Treesa57]

hi
My son is a freshman in college and was dx type 1 at 16. We had our first problem just recently when he wasnt counting his carbs and wasnt taking his insulin as prescribed because he was BUSY as he puts it. I was sure he was ready and totally educated about his diabetes but it took a hospital visit to really wake him up and tell him this is for life. He is back on track and even talking to the cooks in the dorm about getting non sugared cereals in the bins for him and any other kids who might need it. I am still glad I sent him off to college and would recommend it to you, just remind your son when he does go that he is in charge in the dorm and still needs to monitor his food and sugar levels even though mom isnt there asking if he did it. My son has always been an honor roll student grade wise but it just goes to show even the smart ones can slack off on their health. good luck with yours he will do fine!

[Ellen]

Praise, empower, encourage, acknowledge....and be specific.
Our children are capable of gradually assuming the responsibility for each of the various diabetes tasks expected of them to manage on their own in adulthood. Notice what they DO and comment.

Examples:

"I am so impressed. You must be so proud of yourself for figuring out that bolus for the huge calzone and coming in close to target 4 hours later."

"Thanks for checking bg even though you didn't feel like it."

" It's great you are paying attention to the supplies. Thanks for reminding me we need to order strips..."

"I saw it was hard to change the site while your blood sugar was high and you felt awful. You're really good at taking care of yourself even when it's most challenging."

Our children will internalize positive messages, and they'll feel more confident about taking on the responsibility for the tasks.

I'll be honest, sending my son off to college with the diabetes was very difficult for me, but he left feeling completely ready to go. Is it perfect? NO. And guess what, adults with long term diabetes forget things too. This past weekend we got an email listing all the supplies he had on hand and the message that that our son used his last infusion set. He had not thrown away all the extra tubings so he thought he had more sites left. Fortunately a family friend's child is in the same town, and her son delivered backup infusion sets. I got a text message from my friend that the deal went down...we laughed that instead of drugs, our kids pass off infusion sets to one another. Rather than berate my son for letting it get to that point, I thanked my son for letting me know, and we processed a bit about how to handle it in the future ("it may be helpful to throw away the extra tubing in the future).

I did the rescue yesterday, contacted the infusion set company to buy more sets only to find out the prescription expired in August 07 so I requested they send a request for prescription to the endo, called the rep to ask for a few sample sets to be sent until we get the prescription taken care, contacted the endo (because we have our son's written permission to communicate with the endo). Gradually, our son will take care of all of it.

Right now it feels good to still be able to support him so he's not totally alone with everything that has to be done. But for the most part, he does an awesome job with most of it. I don't know that I could do as well as he does with the diabetes.

[OSUMom]

Ellen,

Your post made me tear up. I think it made me realize again we're not alone in the struggles we all face with this disease. Thanks for posting your experience and for your words of wisdom and encouragement.

Now to dry my eyes before facing my coworkers here.... ;)

[siren]

By the time his senior year gets here this will likely have changed. It did for our son with a bit of pulling from me. I showed him the way so to speak, put the bar out their for him to reach for.

Our son is now a sophomore in college about half an hour from home, lives on campus. Husband sees him more often as they get together for lunch near campus a couple times a month so he can see how he is doing that way too. We talk on the phone one or twice a week. His roommate is super, as was his roommate last year whose dad was a doctor. When our son filled out the housing paperwork before freshman year for his dorm we asked for a responsible roommate and got a great one(bio engineer major). They are still good friends. Living off campus is one area I won't go to with son as the school has excellent protocols and training for emergencies and they keep close tabs on the students in the dorms with an adult living in each dorm as well as trained students. the school is also right across the street from the police and paramedics, something the college got when it gave the city the land for it for free.

I would not use your son's current state to judge the future as far as his readiness and yours for him to manage all he has to away from home. Our son wasn't ready at that age either. Wait until the summer after junior year and the first couple of months of senior year and see if you notice big growth in terms of his interest in college and readiness for it. I had to push ours along a bit, keeping grades up and taking the right courses. I initiated a trip to see colleges right after junior year, rather than wait for him to initiate this.(He got some great food so he was happy to go.) That was a turning point for him. He saw a school he really liked on that trip, and saw some things in others he was impressed with. Now he was turning his attention to the idea of looking at colleges. Before that he wasn't thinking about which schools or applications or essays. The biggest change happened in September senior year. All the kids were back and many had spent summer time looking at schools both in person and on line. The teachers tell the kids then that they have to pick the ones they want recommendations from so they have time to write them all and get them sent out to the colleges. Our sons English teacher also had her students writing their college essays in class with samples for them.

Basically our son gained a lot of maturity just before and during senior year, helped by the other students on similar footing. He was Dx with T1 in junior high, went on the pump after six months. He has been living on campus for a year and a half without incident. All has gone well. He is pretty careful about his management, has always been fairly meticulous about certain things. I think this has been a good thing for us both. Living away gave him a break from me watching over him so much. He also had met all the demands made of him in high school and earned the right to go live on campus through responsible management of his T1 and his school work. Had there been any problems we were near by and he could have come home and did for a week and a half, but that was an issue of doing the school work(freshmanitis), and committing to the college. That was one area we had to work through with him. He spent a few months freshman year doubting his choice of school. After he realized he really liked the place after all its been all good. This is really a great school too.

He will be applying to go study abroad in Sweden for his junior year, so this separation for two years(frosh/soph college years) has helped him prepare and me too. I plan to take him there and get him settled in. ( I just can't let go that much yet) I am sure when I get on the plane to come home and leave him there I'll need drugs or something.

Another thing that surprised us was the maturity gained just from freshman year in college to sophomore year, they even walk differently not just talk differently. Lots more confidence and sense of ownership of the school as 'his school' His grades are great too. Heading into the final stretch now with 2 or 3 a's and maybe a b.(Calulus 13, chem 11, Mayan Religions, and econ)