How much info is too much for 16 yr old?

[keeper]

I'm new to these boards, but not new to diabetes.

My 16 yr old son was diagnosed 7 1/2 years ago. According to our endo he is more responsible than most teens. But, his a1c is creeping higher and higher.

He refuses to talk about it, read about it, or learn about it. (Much of it is simply the teen attitude he's been blessed with! ) When I ask the endo and educator how much information I should "share" with him, they never really answer me. My impression is that they feel we should just be grateful he handles it as well as he does.

I don't want to scare him or depress him. I don't want to destroy the good communications we do have. But how long should I let him ignore the importance of understanding his disease?

ANY input will be so very appreciated.

[nantomsuethom]

Thomas is 12 (almost 13). I have the same feelings about sharing information with him and not wanting to scare him.
He does a lot of his own care with our supervision. We are trying to let him gain as much independents as possible but there are times when he doesn't want to do what he needs to do.
I have told him what could eventually happen if he does not take care of himself. At this age though (and your son's age) they can not see the future, just the here and now. If they feel good for the most part, they think "that wont happen to me".
I do know that teaching what I know (or nagging as I am told) and supervising what he is doing, that some day it will all sink in and they will understand.

[jvoyles]

My daughter says the subject of retinopathy and heart disease and kidney disease associated with diabetes came up in her 7th grade science class this year. She was not happy with how it was taught (no Type 1 vs Type 2 discussion, no good control vs bad control) and the teacher actually singled her out to ask her about it. But even though she doesn't read about it and tries to not think about her diabetes, she already knew about those potential complications.

My plan is to do as much of her care as she will let me as long as she will let me. She will have the rest of her life to do it once she's on her own. A threat of complications is not a motivator to keep up with the relentless care that is required when a teen is on their own. I strongly believe that teens shouldn't be doing 100% of their own care, it's too much for one person and definitely too much for a teen.

I think the only way to deal with burnout is to create a partnership where the parent takes over at times. You get the meter, put the strip in, prick the arm, read the result, figure out what need done next. You chart the results in a log and come up with insulin adjustments. You watch what is eaten, count the carbs, fill the syringe, give the shot. Or you push the buttons on the pump. All of this is agreed upon beforehand and is not in any way punishing. Call it a vacation.

The only times my daughter does it all herself is when I am not there such as at school or if she is out and about with friends. She does an excellent job at those times so I know she can do it when the time comes.

[muddymessalonskee]

Hi,

I just joined this board. I have two children with diabetes, a daughter (12, dx 9/10/2001) and a son (15, dx 1/17/2006).

Our daughter has been aware of the importance of good blood sugar control in the prevention of complications from almost the beginning, and her A1c's have never exceeded 7.3; 5.9 is typical. She's on the pump now and is in almost total control of her diabetes care: logging, carb counting, pump operation and maintenance, with only minimal assistance from me.

Our son is a different story. He is defiant to the point of stupidity, which would probably be fine & normal & not get him in much trouble, if he didn't have diabetes. His last A1c was 6.4, mostly because he was still "honeymooning". He does his own testing and injections, but lacks the discipline to log his blood sugars & meals, and tells me that HIS diabetes is HIS business if I or my husband ask any questions or offer any suggestions. He alters his insulin (including Lantus) doses without consulting anyone, so that his nights run a little high, because he's afraid of nighttime lows & yet doesn't want anyone to check on him. (I check his sister at least once during the early morning, between 1 a.m. and 3 a.m.) I tell him the carb counts of his food. He puts off taking his insulin until after he's eaten, sometimes by an hour or so, because he doesn't like to take multiple injections for the same meal, should he decide that he's still hungry after the he's eaten. He only consults me if he's frightened; for example last night he called to me after I'd gone to bed and told me that his blood sugar had risen 100 points in an hour (to the high 300's), which makes him feel terrible, and that his sugars had been too high lately and he'd raised his dose of Lantus from 6 to 8. I told him that I could help him try to adjust his Humulog ratio if we could get some "numbers" today. He didn't fight this suggestion, but I doubt that today will be the day that thoughtful control starts. (One thing that we have done is transfer some responsibilities to other adults; for example the school nurse (at our request, which he doesn't realize) requires him to tell her his morning blood sugar every day. We let the diabetes care professionals read him "the riot act" & suggest strategies for keeping a log. He has good intentions, but resists outside "control", that is, the normal support which parents provide for their children...so we just back off, biting our nails & waiting for reason to kick in, soon!, we hope. This is *so* frustrating. I can completely identify with the parents of other teens (especially teenage boys?) who have the same issues.

Deborah

[keeper]

Thanks for the thought provoking input...keep it coming!

In the beginning we did everything for him except the actual injections. But, when they're out of the early stages of the disease, and out of grade school -- it all changes. They don't depend on you like they used to.

He is a sophomore and will be 17 next month. It is impossible to do much if we're apart. When we are together we discuss his carbs & number and dose. I sometimes draw up his 35 units of Lantus at night. (He is over 6'5" and 200 pounds.) And I'm the only one who records and reviews his numbers.

I think you're right, he DOES know more than I give him credit for. I need to remember that just because he doesn't want to talk about it doesn't mean he's ignorant. He doesn't want to talk about the dangers of drugs or sex either -- but that doesn't mean he doesn't know about them.

I appreciate the reminder that he's going to have to manage it without me for the rest of his life. Perhaps the best thing I can do now is lead by example. That will lessen his burden now and hopefully, when he's on his own he'll just do it because that's just one of the things he has to do. Just like paying bills or maintaining a car, it's just a fact of life.

It's hard to define when to ignore their "teenageness" though. If you tell them to wear a coat and they tell you how stupid you are...you don't make them watch the weather forecast or study meteorology. You just let them learn their lesson by getting cold or wet.

But if you tell them to test & correct before practice and they tell you that you're an idiot well, that one's harder to ignore. The "I told you so" method isn't good enough here. He's too big to MAKE him do it.

That's when I say, "Hey, read this article...." and that's when he gets that look in his eye that tells me the communication line has just been cut.

[Pammers]

Muddy, would you consider putting your son on the pump??? Then he can make adjustments without additional injections.

Also, are there diabetes camps out there for older teens???

I have to say, I have finally seen that YES, it is better for my child to be diagnosed at his young age. He doesn't remember not having diabetes, and doesn't recall me not being "in charge" of its management. Not to say that he won't rebel, but I think he will have an easier time than those who were diagnosed in their pre-teens and teens.

Hang in there Moms and Dads. Every minute that your child has better glucose control gives better odds for avoiding those scary complications.

[muddymessalonskee]

Our daughter has been on the pump for several months and we'd love to put our son on the pump as well. There are two reasons we can't:

1) Because he won't consistently log his sugars/carbs, or allow us to do this, he's not a candidate for the pump now.

2) He doesn't want to be on the pump!

I suspect things will change as he a) matures & b) as his diabetes becomes harder to manage...

Thanks for the input!

Deborah

[keeper]

Will your son even discuss the pump with you?

My son is adamant about not getting the pump also. He did a saline trial for 3 days about 5 years ago. He is a very tactile person and didn't like the feeling of it. Also, the tubing was overwhelming. I found him on the edge of his bed winding it up, and unwinding it over and over again. He looked so sad.

The issue of the getting the pump is usually what irritates him the most. His dad knows many college aged and grown men who love it. He wants our son to want it and love it too because he believes it will improve his quality of life now and in the future.

We will never force him into it, but I did ask him the other day to please just check into it a little bit. Find out what other people think...pros and cons. Make an educated decision. He wouldn't discuss it at all.

THAT conversation, my friends, is what prompted me to join the board and start this thread.

In his defense, he's a great kid! He gets good grades, stays out of trouble and excels in everything he does. (He's nothing like his mother:rolleyes: ).

I'm sure this probably isn't new to many of you, but we know a young man (20's) with the pump and he cuts a hole in his front jeans pocket to thread the tubing through and it goes into his thigh. Then he puts the pump in his pocket. We thought that was pretty slick!

[muddymessalonskee]

No, he won't discuss the pump with us, besides saying he's not getting one. (His approach to having diabetes is very matter-of-fact; he thinks we treat his sister as a "diabetes object" (participating in her care), although in reality she has a lot more freedom & control than he does. I know he finds the idea of being tethered (and dependent) to a pump distasteful/threatening.

So we're waiting...

Deborah