Missing out on SO much!!!!

[willdee3]

Our Grandaughter was dxd with diabetes just before she turned 2. Now she is 4 years old and she has never gotten to stay overnight with us. I kept her 2 times at night before she was 2 and she cried so badly that I had to call her parents to come get her. She cried her whole life until she was dxd. I have tried to learn everything I can about how to take care of her but still haven't gotten to keep her. She wants to come here so badly it breaks my heart to leave her sometimes They live on the other side of town from us and that is probably 6 or 7 miles. We just go to their house to see her and her sister. Everytime I have asked for her to stay something always happens and the trip is cancelled. She does get to stay with the other grandparents who live just a few yards from her house. I have gotten to keep her for a few hours a couple of times and of course just like home there is a drop or a high. I have always gotten it but still no overnight! We [she and her sister and us] are all missing out on so much. I cannot bring myself to take one child and leave her at home to cry because she didn't get to go! Anyone have any suggestions? Please let me know.

[georgia]

HI There,
I am so sorry that you don't get to spend as much time with your granddaughters, you do sound like you really want to. Have you expressed to your daughter/son that you want more time with her. My inlaws live 1 mile away and they take my daugher (diagnosed at 3, now 4) and her twin brother once a week. It gives us a much needed break and also special time for the kids with their grandparents. It is not easy as a parent, but my inlaws have taken the time to learn how to do blood checks and shots and count carbs, and they are eager to learn. They even get up at midnight each time and check her, and would at 3am if necessary. We feel safe when our kids are with them. Of course, there are the highs and the lows sometimes, but those happen when they are under our care as well.
I would express to your son/daughter that you want to see them and help. Perhaps you could offer to babysit for a few hours (if they are uncomfortable with and overnight), is it that you son/daughter is nervous or your granddaughter? Also try to learn about the disease and how to care for her. I was so happy that my inlaws wanted to learn and wanted to take care of my daughter.
What is that saying "it takes a village to raise a child" !!
Best of luck, I hope it works out.

[willdee3]

Hello! Thanks so much for the message. I told dlw yesterday that she is going to have to let me have her sometime. The daughter-in-law is starting to have health problems because of all the nerves involved with this disease. She has really GOT to get relief somewhere! I hope that she will let me take care of the baby for a little while this weekend. Maybe this will work. I don't know all that she and my son do about all of this but I have been studying and know how to check blood levels and give shots and count carbs. I know that there are always things needed to be seen even with the parents but I feel that I can do this. Of course, like the parents, I am scared also. It's just that I will never be able to take care of her if they won't LET me. My other grandaughter is well aware of the way the little one acts when there is a problem and the little one can now tall you if she isn't feeling well. I know what to do for lows and for highs. We also finally have a correction factor. Do you have a hard time getting you baby to eat enough for her insulin? Are there any foods that are really high in carbs that you only have to get small amounts down for the shots? So much to learn! Thanks again for your help and concern.

[willdee3]

Thank you so much for the message. My daughter-in-law is really nervous and it is now starting to affect her health because of this. I told her yesterday that she is going to HAVE to let me help her. The baby is now old enough to let us know if she feels bad {low** I know what to do for highs and lows and how to check levels and give shots. I am scared as the parents are, but I can do this if they will only LET me. Maybe this weekend! Do you have trouble getting your child to eat enough? Are there any high carb foods you use that they only have to eat small amounts in order to get their insulin? This is a problem with my grandaughter. Sometimes she eats really well and others when she will not eat enough, even at snack time. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks again for the answer!

[ange_mom]

It is so wonderful that you are learning all you can. I am married to a diabetic who was diagnosed when he was 14 so he learned diabetes management more than his parents. Now my 3 and a half year old son has diabetes and they are scared to death, refuse to learn to give needles and are even nervous to check his sugar. Talk about frustrating! David (my son) used to spend so much time at grammy's and grampie's house. Now he is only there for an hour or two at a time and they are still extremely nervous. I keep hoping for some relief. My nerves are going from dealing with this 24/7Hopefully when your children see how much you want to help and realize that you are doing all you can, they will leave your grandchildren with you. I personally would be nervous to leave David overnight,but that is because we have only been dealing with it ourselves for a few months, but if they showed some initiative and interest, I would appreciate it so much.

[georgia]

Hi again,
We don't have to worry too much about Amalia eating her meals. We use humalog fast acting insulin so at her meals (breakfast, lunch and dinner) we allow her to eat coun the carbs she has eaten and then give her insulin. IF she doesn't eat enough she doesn't get insulin, if she is super hungry she eats a ton and we cover it. I am not sure what insulin regime you are on. Amalia gets lantus in the am and then humalog after meals. If she does go low between meals she "needs" to eat, fortunately she usually does without complaint. IT is probably best to give her insulin before the meal, but at her age (almost4) we cannot guarrantee what she will eat and this is "safer".
I am sorry to hear your daughter in law is having such a rough time. IT is hard and scarey and stressful when your child has a chronic disease. I bet some time away from it might do her good. When my inlaws first watched Amalia I had them call often, just to check in, that way we all felt better.
Goodluck to you I hope you find some time with your granddaughter!

[sam1nat2]

It sounds like you are more than willing, but maybe not as confident as your daughter inlaw would like right now.
I would suggest seeing if she will let you come over and she can watch what you are doing to make sure it is correct. That way maybe you both can gain some confidence and you can both get what you need.
I can say as a parent, it is hard to leave them with people that don't understand, but it is getting easier as he is getting older and the pump really helps too.
Good luck!!

[willdee3]

Well! Yesterday I went and got both the girls and brought them over to my house for several hours and everything was GREAT! We all had a good visit and the Mama got a little time alone! Blood sugar after the visit was 134 so everyone was pleased. I gave the lunchtime shot and did not do too bad. My
little grandaughter acted like she was so excited and had the best time. I gave the 1:30 snack so she wouldn't run low before 5:00 meal. Had her home before 4:30 sugar check. We will practice more of this before any overnight but this is a start. I know that it is scarey to let her go without Mommy but
all of the family has to be prepared to let go eventually. Just had a marvelous time and all of us enjoyed the time together and apart. Thank you all for your responses.

[CAGrandma]

I've been actively involved in helping with my grandson's diabetes care since he was diagnosed at age 2 (he's 4 now) because my daughter and her family were living with me at the time. Now that they live on the other side of the country, she loves having me come to visit, so she has a babysitter!

I do recognize, and have reminded her, of two important facts:

1. We have cell phones and aren't afraid to use them!

I've called her at 2am when I was unsure of exactly what to do. She doesn't mind the call and it allows sleepovers and relief for everyone.

2. I do NOT have to know or do as much as she does.

She has to know how to set his pump for different basal rates, what correction factors to use, etc. etc. I need to know danger signs and what to do about them, how to count carbs, how to give insulin (I love the pump he got 6 months ago!). Easy.

[WestinsMom]

I just want to say that I am so pleased to hear of a grandparent being so involved. My mother, when alive, didn't spend more than a few hours alone with my son as she didn't learn to do shots. By the time Westin was on a pump she was dealing with cancer treatments. My father, he doesn't take very good care of his diabetes, although is finally realizing the importance. He and his girlfriend are actually watching both kids tonight for the first time. We have had a strained relationship over the years. I know he is really excited to get to stay with them. It is really only possible in my mind because at 9, Westin can handle telling him what he needs to do, etc. My father in law and his wife live next door. They haven't had Westin over night since starting the pump at 4. My father in law just doesn't get it. He scares me when he suggests diet coke when Westin feels low! His wife would be perfect as she is really anal. She just has never taken an interest. My mother in law is a medical assistant. She hasn't had him overnight in a while, but she could. Funny thing, she seems to not bolus for food! Of all people! She is always asking about his A1C, but doesn't bolus!? Go figure! Either way, I just wish for once someone would ASK to take my kids! I feel like I am pawning them off when I need someone to watch them.

We have CGMS now and that opens the door for more oportunities. Once we get use to it I think it will help leaving him places. (If I could just get him to pay attention to the alarms!)

There are a set of grandparents in our local support group. It is refreshing to see them so involved. I feel the majority of parents feel very much on their own. I commend you for your involvement. :)

Keep up the good work!

[willdee3]

Sometimes it seems things are just too hard to understand, but it sounds like your dad is at least trying to get involved. Maybe things will be better after this sleepover. I know that it is really hard on the kids to feel left out of everything. They get so dependent on their parents that it is hard for the parents and the kids. We have all been so scared for so long it is a hard habit to break. I commend all grandparents who take the opportunity to help their
grandchildren with this disease. Just so thankful that we HAVE them to take care of.

[willdee3]

I posted on here a few times and there have only been 1 or 2 grandparents who have sent anything! Are there not many grandparents who have been involved daily with their diabetic grandchildren? Everyday our grandaughter faces so much and I would like to talk with other grandparents who cope with diabetes. This disease is SO complicated for us and I just want to find out all I can about what other grandparents are doing for the children who live with this everyday. CA has always been involved because her grandbaby lived with her, but no other grandparents have posted any replies. Please let's hear what other grandparents do with their grandchildren. I for one am VERY interested and I am sure that lots of parents would like to hear from some grandparents too!

[kevin@diabetech.net]

We had luck with our daughter when she was 2 feeding her fig newtons and dried apricots. She was on shots then and of course she would refuse to eat her meal after we gave the shot. These two foods saved us. They are packed w carbs and are related to 'fruit' so didn't feel this was as bad a choice as most other options. Each dried apricot is about 4g and each fig newton is 11g (from memory). Good luck.

[lisamomtotwins]

That is so great that all went well. Good for you! My parents are divorced and both of them ad their partners take Hailey over night, they learned about the disease just like everyone else does. Congrats to you and your DIL for gettign a well needed break!

[Twinklet]

I would give my right arm for relatives who were as eager to help me with my kids as you are! What a tremendous blessing! I simply cannot imagine.

Those of you who have parents or other relatives who are willing to learn D and help you are blessed more than you can imagine. DH and I pretty much handle this on our own and it gets really old and tiresome. We're only 14 months into it, and sometimes I cannot imagine how we will survive the YEARS ahead that we have to run at this pace. I cannot imagine having someone helping us--it would be such a relief! So count your blessings and treat those grandparents right! :)

[willdee3]

Lisa, thanks so much for sending my link to your Mom. I hope that we can be buddies and I would love to hear from you also!

[willdee3]

Andie, If I lived close to you I would love to help with the kids. It would be my privilege to be able to help you. I would love to be your email buddy also.

[willdee3]

Kevin, thank you so much for taking the time to answer my post. I will past this on to my DIL and see if it works with my grandaughter. Again, THANK YOU!

[MelStan]

Wow, what an awesome Grandparent you are willdee3!!!
Your son and DIL are SO lucky to have you! I think all families living with this disease would benefit so much from having a grandparent like yourself - so willing to help.

We're in this on our own, very similar to Andie's situation (7 years into it) and my partner and I haven't been out together pretty much in all that time. We go out separately (Well actually we're usually too tired to go out!;)
It breaks my heart to see my partner's parents have their other Grandchildren to stay, and my girls never get asked.

My parents have had the kids over for a couple of hours for a visit, but I always have to 'invite' them myself:rolleyes:

I can't imagine either what it would be like to have that level of support.
I think you're WONDERFUL.:cwds:

Mel- Mum of Eilish, 10, dx'd at 3, Pumping Cozmo (NZ)

[Riley'sMom]

Willdee3,

First off, you can be my kids grandma any day!

My mom is type 2 and refuses to check her blood sugar, give shots, carb count, anything. She just spent 10 days with us and I tried to teach her several times but never got any meaningful feedback or response indicating she was interested or willing to learn.

Second, please don't tell your daughter/DIL that she has to let you have the kids. As an adult its hard for my ego to handle that. Phrase it that you want to help and just need to learn more with her.

Third, ask questions when your grandchild is being fed and medicated. Ask what they're eating, carb count, GI effect, insulin dosing based on BS and ketones, regular protocol, hypo protocol, hyper protocol. Attempt to get some hard and fast rules (if there are any) that your DIL uses to base her treatment.

Fourth, After you have your grandchild do an 'After Action Review' with your DIL. Talk about BS numbers and treatments (food and/or insulin) to check if you are treating your grandchild as her parents would treat her. This might cause some anxiety but is a good way to learn and eventually build trust in your ability to care of your grandchild's diabetes. My wife and I don't always agree on carbs and insulin, but as long as we are totally opposed that we find a way to treat Riley. When I have Riley I treat her to the best of my knowledge and then talk to my wife about it afterwards. We log everything (time,BS,ketones,carbs,insulin,other medications) into a 5"x7" binder so we can review each other's actions and stay consistent.

Last, you are awesome! My MIL is like you, no one else. My BIL's girlfriend is actually more interested in my daughter's diabetes than any other family member! I hope you and your DIL can learn more together and you can spend more time with your grandkids.

[willdee3]

Guess what! I have got to have my grandaughter for the past 2 Friday's and everything has been great! I haven't been scared even 1 time. I Didn't do too well with the BS check one time but other than that it was really good. All of us, Pawpaw, me and the girls had a good time and I hope MOM enjoyed herself with a few quiet moments also.

The reason I told DIL that she was going to have to let me keep her was because I was worried about my DIL. Being with the baby ALL the time with no relief is not good for her. She has to get relief sometime and that was why I told her that, not to make her mad or hurt her feelings. She has been under such stress for the last 2 years it isn't healthy for her. I love her and she is an excellent mother to the kids. I just wanted to help and she knew that.

Thanks for the new grandkids, wish I had them right now so you could go take a soak in the tub. Thanks for the reply!

[michelleissweet]

It sounds like you all are such wonderful supportive grandparents!!!
I may print these postings off and give to my sons grandparents. My son was DX at 2 and is now 3. He has yet to spend overnights with his grandparents and when my husband and i need to go somewhere or just out to dinner my mother comes to my place. I check him before we leave and we are not gone more then three hours so when i get back she has checked him and give snack. It makes her nervous. I guess i need to educate her some more about all of this.
Keep on keeping on you all are great!!!