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Monica
04-23-2006, 11:47 PM
Alright, I have developed this really bad habit over the past couple of years, and now I can't stop. Nobody in my family knows I do this, except for my twin brother. It is by far my biggest secret. I started doing this when I was 14, when I had some rediculously high blood sugars and ketones due to site problems. I almost ended up in the hospital at least a couple of times. No matter how hard I tried to control my diabetes, I would experience really high blood sugars in the 400s and up every day. So I just gave up caring for my diabetes. I skip my insulin. I am so irresponsible because I just let my pump run out of insulin, and I will go an entire day without insulin. Sometimes I am so sick and dehydrated, that I cannot even walk across a room. Other times I just disconnect from my pump cause I am sick of having a medical device attached to me. I usually start to take my insulin again after I start to vomit from ketones. I only do this a couple times a week, but I am seriously addicted to it. I feel like I cannot stop doing this. Please HELP!!!! I can't tell my parents!

fulljef
04-24-2006, 12:40 AM
Monica,
I'm a father of a 13 year ols and very involved in his care. Since he was diagnosed I'm the only one he would let give him shots. As I parent I get up set when he does not take care of his self because I love him so much and want him to be healthly and live a LONG time. We have a special relationship and he could come to me and explain this as you did very easy. Working in the JDRF orginization I've meet several parents that would do anything for their children. My suggestion is that if you cannot get control by yourself then you need help. Mom and Dad should be your first stop we have time when we sit down without the TV to discuss his diabetes..we review his numbers and what went wrong and what worked. Try starting this on your own and as your parents to look at it and give you some suggestions. If your unconfortable with that then reach out to your Diabetes team at your doctors office... Call them and let them know what your up against. They want the same thing you do and that's to get you numbers in line. I've even gone as far as to program his cell phone to remind him to check BG levels... We all know this gets to be a pain and I'm sure if you went to them and asked for help you'd get it unconditionally!!!

Best of luck!

Jeff
son dxd@7 now 13

jlwilts
04-24-2006, 03:58 AM
Hello Monica,

First of all your family are your best source of support, unlike help lines, doctors' surgeries etc they are open to help 24 hours a day every day. And as the previous post comments unconditionaly.

You also need to build friendships with those of your own age group. Relationships suffer if some of those involved gain a reputation for being unreliable. The way you are managing your diabetes will put you into the unreliable group.
In order to build and maintain friendships it will help if you can demonstrate reliability and consistancy. Managing your diabetes properly will help you do this. Friends will increasingly regard you as one of the group and include you in whatever activities/plans they are making.

Using a pump gives you the flexibility to participate in all the 'fun' things that young people can do.

I inject and years ago went through a period when I missed the occassional shot. If I was doing that now I wouldn't be accepted as a member of the sports club I belong too or be able to participate in competitions. Life would be dull!

Insulin offers the gift of 'life' when you use it. Please grasp the opportunities you have.

Check me out at
http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com/people/wt/JohnLewis.htm (http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com/people/wt/JohnLewis.htm)

http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com/people/uklist_l.htm (http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com/people/uklist_l.htm)

Good luck

Boo
04-24-2006, 02:29 PM
Hi Monica. :o Please don't be too ashamed to ask for help. I think by making this post, you have made the first step in admitting that you have a problem. That takes a lot of courage and shows that you really want to change this behavoir. I am not sure how old you are, or what type of relationship you have with your parents, but any parent I know would want to know about this! Unless your parents are abusive or COMPLETELY dysfunctional, you CAN and SHOULD talk to them.

What are your reasons for not confiding in your parents? Is it because you don't want to anger or disappoint them? Do live at home with them? Is there anybody else nearby for you to confide in? your twin brother, perhaps, or a friend? Maybe that person would be willing to be your moral support and be with you when you break the news to your parents or would be willing to go with you on a visit to your doctor.

I am 37 and a mother of a diabetic boy who is 10. Yes, I would be upset and frustrated and (honestly, a little angry) if he ever came to me with this issue when he is older. But, MOSTLY I'd be FRIGHTENED FOR HIM and THANKFUL that he came to me before something major happened. And, I would be willing to do whatever it took to help him get back on track. I would hope that your parents would feel the same way.

You owe it to yourself to get help...one way or the other. Please private message me or email me if I can help you in any way. If I knew you, I'd be on my way to your house in a minute. Please confide in your doctor or someone who loves you!

munchkingirl
04-24-2006, 03:48 PM
Monica,

...I read the title of your post and instantly had to respond.

I Know that you know this - you could end up with a bunch of complications from this, even at your young age. And what's worse - you could die. It's a simple as that. Your parents could find you one day and you'll be dead, or close to it. While diabetes is very controlale now days, it is still very deadly.

I don't say these things from an outsiders veiw point either. At 14 years old I too started skipping my insulin - and got addicted to it as well. I would do this to such an extreme that sooo many people didn't ever know that I was diabetic - people I was close to - and those that did know, thought I was taking care of it - because they trusted me and I was very good a deceiving them.

2 years ago, I went through MANY hospitalizations because of it. Two times I nearly died. Yet, even still through those times - I lied and told them that "I would just forget my insulin a lot (when i was skipping it on purpose) and that, yeah, i did skip it sometimes, just cause I didn't want to take it. But mostly, i'd forget it." ...things got a lot worse.

My parents didn't trust me very much - and rightly so - and it sucked SO bad when they found out - from the doctors - , cause i knew they'd be mad. But they weren't, they were just disappointed.

I was finally hospitalized the last time in august 2005. Now, thanks to my family and my wonderful boyfriend - they are the greatest support system - I am on a wonderful, hard - but wonderful, road to being done with this. It is hard. I'm not gonna lie and say it's all a piece of cake, cause it's not. But it's worth it. Even now, at 18years old, if my bloodsugars are high - I can have some signs of neuropathy in my hands. - Which really sucks cause I play guitar and I love it so much. However, if I keep it all good - I can reverse that. Another person I am aquainted with - she's only 16, had done the same thing, she is having complications with her liver and kidneys.

I'm not trying to use that all famous "scare tactic". No, just trying to show you the reality of it all. Playing with insulin is so close to a death wish it's not even funny.

Please, do try talking to your parents? Or if you really dont want to, maybe you could tell your doctor and ask her to tell your parents, or be in the room with you when you tell your parents - and tell her why you want that. That could help a lot.

As some other people have already said, your parents are your greatest support system.

We're here for you too.

momof2
04-24-2006, 05:05 PM
PLEASE listen to the good advice that's been posted , Monica......

You CAN do it!!!! You CAN turn this around......

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

karpoozi123
04-24-2006, 10:17 PM
I totally feel for you. I am going thru the same thing as you. I was also skipping doses, getting sick, hospitalized, the whole thing. I am pleased to say that I am working it out right now. I won't say that I never skip a dose (in fact, i only remembered to bolus from supper when I read your post) Here are some things that help me to take care of myself:
1-I keep my pump on my waste so that it is easily accesible at all times and I have no excuse not to correct or bolus, unless I honestly forget.
2-I NEVER disconnect my pump. I used to do that all the time, and it was so bad for me. I got used to not wearing it so sometimes I'd leave my house for a long time with no pump and no other insulin. Now, I never disconnect it because I am scared if I do it once I will backslide.
3-I think of all the complications, and all of my ambitions and realize that I want to live a long healthy life. I don't want to give up my dreams because of my negligence now. I have already missed out on certain things I really wanted to do because I was so sick this year. I decided that I will never let this happen to me ever again.
4-last but not least, once you start making an effort to take care of yourself, you will see the result and it will keep you going to continue taking care of yourself. You will find that when you check all the time, and really be agressive with your care, you will feel better and you will find that you will be able to do the things you want more than when you neglect yourself. Ever since I have been working on my control, I have been a ble to go out with friends and have fun MUCH MORE.

Goodl Luck!

HeyItsRachelLynnae!
04-29-2006, 02:05 PM
Hey,
I had something similar happen to me. I was about 10 and in 4th grade and I was so sick of this disease after having it since i was 8 and I just didnt want to deal with it. I needed to take a shot of humalog at school after lunch every day and i hated having bumps and caluses in my legs and stomach and so when i went into the bathroom at school to take my shot i would squirt it into the sink. Noone knew i didn't take a shot. Well I started doing this Everyday. I would also "cheat". I was so sick of not being able to eat what and when i wanted to so i would take food and go eat it without taking a shot. I also started doing this everyday. Then came the day i went to the Endocrinologist, and that was probibly the day my life started to turn around. I had a A1c of 12, and the doctor said if i didn't get my bloodsugars down I would face dialisis and kidney failure in my future. It wasnt then when I ammited what i was doing. But when we got home I told my parents what happened and my parents understood and were willing to help me. So now I'm 15 and I have a pump and my bloodsugars are alot better. I take pills for my kidney and my diabetes control is so much better. I have an A1C of 7.9 and i feel so much better. I'm so glad i got my life in control now. I hope you find a way to get thew courage to tell your parents.

Monica
05-01-2006, 07:13 PM
I'm not ready to tell my parents. I don't think I can because a lot of bad things (not diabetes related) have happened to me this year. This will just add to my problems. I want help, but I'm afraid to get it. One of my teachers found out that I skipped my insulin today, but he didn't do or say anything about it. I honestly don't know what to do I'm not ready to give this up, but at the same time I feel terrible. But then again, I feel terrible when I take my insulin, you know what I mean? It's like whenever I take my insulin, I have bad hypoglycemia where I have to eat over a meal's worth of food to recover. I also do not feel somewhat normal for a few hours after. It's like it's a relief to not take my insulin.

fulljef
05-02-2006, 12:25 AM
Monica,

The longer you hide this the worse and harder it will be to over come it... First and most importantly is the damage you are doing to your body may not be reversable. Look I'm 41 and have done many things im my life that I'm ashamed of... As a child I too was a disapointment to my Mother & Father at times but also I was great joy to them! We all do things we wish we had not done or did for some reason we don't know why. As we grow older we will still be a disapointment to someone. I have a lovely wife with whom I've let down on several occasions. My 13 year old son I've also let down at times and he means the world to me and my wife.

Look we are all human and as the bible says we have all fallen short of the Glory of the LORD. To error is human! Ask for help and make a difference in your life! Growing up is hard, I'm not too sure that growing up today is any different then when I grew up just different! I have a 20 year old and a 13 year old and my 20 year old girl has decided take the rough road through life and has burned alot of bridges but if she came back repentative and was serious I'd do anything I could!!! Now that's not to say that I would make it easy on her becuase nothing gained easy is ever learned and the mistake is often repeated..

There are plenty of people here who do not know you and are truely concerned about you from people your own age to old people like me... We are all saying the same thing... there is no colusion going on here we care because we know what your up against and what to help... If strangers are that interested in you then your own family will only be more understanding...

The key is how you approach it... Ask for help choose a time when it's quite and talk to one parent you feel the closest with and ask them for help and understanding. You have nothing to loose and everything to gain!

Jeff
Son 13 dxd@ 7

Boo
05-02-2006, 09:01 AM
Monica,
I am one of those concerned strangers that Jeff mentions! Please check your private messages.

KarenB
05-04-2006, 11:00 PM
Monica,
Please try to find a way to tell someone who can help you. Talk to your mother, she is your mother and she loves you. I tell my kids that I might not always like what they chose to do and I might be mad when they do something but that doesn't mean that I don't love them. My 17 yo daughter just went through the same thing. We ended up in the ER and that is when I found out she wasn't taking her Insulin. She didn't even know how long she hadn't been taking it, said it could have been about a couple months. She was very close to dying. Did I yell? No, I got her the medical care she needed and stayed in the hospital with her for the week she was admitted. If you don't say something soon it might be too late. You know in your heart what you are doing isn't good. If you were out here in California I would help you out in a minute. I am begging you, as a parent, please talk to someone soon. This is your life and you have so much to look forward too. My daughter told the doctor when he asked her why she stopped taking her Insulin that she just wanted to be normal. He told her she is normal but what she is doing to herself wasn't normal. She is doing so much better now and I am proud of her. I love her so much and being Diabetic since 5 her little body has already gone through so much more than it should at this age. I don't care about all the not so good things she has done, I just don't want to lose her to something like her not taking her Insulin and I would be your parents feel the same way. Please post back and let us know how you are doing. Good luck to you!

Britter-Critter
05-13-2006, 04:38 PM
Hi monica i havent been on the forums for a while but when i came on today and saw i had to post. I used to have ur prb. I have been recently diagnosed and i hate taking shots but i've gotten used to it. I used to skip shots cause i didnt like the way insuline made me feel either. But when i first got keytones i realised i could really hurt myself if i continued with this. U need to realise that u can seriously ruin alot of things in ur life by doing this. Insuline lets us live. Just think one day if u want to get ur ears pierced or something. By skipping insulin and ur blood sugars goin crazy they would get so infected and it would be so painful. I kno it's hard to tell parents things but they would be more relieved to know ur asking for help then hurting urself like this. And if u have officially decided not to tell ur parents try talking to a really good friend and see if they will help u. I wish u the best of luck hun!

diabeticgirl101
05-18-2006, 12:46 PM
Monica,

Hi! My name's lauren. I just read your post and am REALLY concerned for you. Diabetes is not something to take lightly and brush off like this. You need to talk to your parents. No matter how much they might be upset they still will have unconditional love for you. Diabetes is life-threatening. You need to get this under control by talking to a doctor. Your insulin doses are probably messed up now. You will feel much better after you start taking insulin freqently and normally- or once your body gets used to it again. Take it from someone who knows. I was always feeling bad until I started taking insulin. I used to have no enegery and was always sleeping. Now that I am on insulin I am very active. PLEASE don't do this to yourself. Your parents wouldn't want to find you dead sometime! Think of your friends, your relatives, and your family! You could have a wonderful life ahead of you, but your blowing it off because of putting your health at risk.

I know what it's like to want to skip doses, but not how it feels to skip doses. At times I have gotten really tired of getting needles or insulin. But I keep on being strong. You May feel everything is hard for you, but things are hard for me too! I have a heart problem- it's called Long QT. I almost died numerous times before I found out about it, but God saved me each time. My Long QT is hard to deal with. I'm not supposed to doing a lot of exercies (running, swimming, bike riding...) and stuff like that. I have to have medicine everyday and I have to get sugery almost every 11 years or something like that.

God has a plan for your life because by his grace your life was spared. He's still sparing you now. Whenever I get down or depressed or want to skip doses I just think that he's gotten me this far, and he'll get my thru the rest. God has a plan for your life although you may not know it.

I don't want to seem harsh, but your practically going to kill yourself. Please stop this awful thing! Talk to your parents or talk to a counciler. I'm sorry that your having a hard time managing this diesease.

I am praying for you!!! :o

amberngriffinco
05-19-2006, 10:24 PM
Maybe it's time to go see a dietician and your Endocrinologist again????

The pump is made to BETTER your health, not to ruin it.

I was diagnosed in 1971 when I was 11.. In those days you had to test your urine in test tubes.. the glucose meter arrived around 1980 or so.

I will be point blank with you.. if you don't get back on tract, if you ever wants a family, it's going to be really tough. You have to be rigid in order to have a healthy baby.

When I was 15 and 16, I would drink and go to parties and not take my insulin. I used to go off campus and eat jelly doughnuts and drink regular soda pop. When I dated guys, I'd go to the drive in and drink and smoke. Know what? When I turned 30 I wanted a baby. It took a LOT, and I mean, A LOT of hard work for YEARS to get myself into shape. And, a lot of that was due to getting my first insulin pump. Things are SO EASY today compared to three decades ago.

You really don't understand that what occurs TODAY will affect your TOMARRO and FURTHER future. Pumping is SO easy.. as a girl, things can be much harder.

MY aunt is a type I.. she is 52. .legally blind, neuropathy in her hands and some in her feet. She can't drive and now is is stage 5 renal failure.. she NEEDS a new kidney. Hers are failing. Another type I penpal in Maine has smoked cigarettes.. She has COPD and needs surgery on her heart.. they won't b/c she still smokes. She has a WHEELCHAIR, neuropathy and many other problems..

Go back to step one and speak to your Dr's office and go back to classes, join a support group with kids your own age.

Okay? Please do it, b/c we want YOU to live a long life and be as HEALTHY as possible.

Need help? You can email me: amber_n_griff@yahoo.com

JordynS
11-17-2006, 08:42 AM
hi monica... i know your post was a wile ago, but i completally understand what you are going trough!!! i did the same thing then i went into a dka. then after that you think that i would have learned my lesson but i didnt so i went into another one!! that was this summer and all it did was get me in trouble, and make my parents bill go sky high. i know the right thing to do is to tell your parents... but if you arnt ready then... ambey try to fix it on your own. i mean dont you think that sooner or later they are going to think something sucpicious is going on??? and i am not trying to mean... i just dont want to see someone have to go trough what i had to do. i know you said that ypu felt bad when you got your insulen because your body was in sock. it was like getting really good food for the first time in a long time, and it was still hungry and was saying to give it more. and thats probally what makes you feel bad. so just try to fix it on your own. but if you cant do it alone, then ask your parents, or.!.!..go to your doctor and ask them for help. you can sit dowm in a room with them and tell them waht has been going on and then once the tell you a solution and they can help you, then you can ask them not to tell your parents. i dont know but just try to fix it yourself for a wile!!!

Emma'sDad
11-20-2006, 01:32 PM
Hi Monica,

I don't know you either, but I'm concerned too. Probably because you're hitting close to home. I have a 4.5 year old daughter with diabetes and want to see her live a strong healthy life. I want to see the day that she's successful in whatever she does... The day that she brings home my first grand child.

If she were a teenager (as I presume you are) and she was going through alot besides her diabetes and was having trouble, I would want her to be able to come to me if she was having trouble.... for anything... Specially diabetes as this is something that affects the rest of her life. As I see it Monica, you have a fork in the road, you can choose to go left where you don't tell your parents and this problem gets worst and worst, and by the time you're in your late 20s you're so sick that you can't do anything to help you get better. Or you can choose the right road, the one where you get your parents to help you out, you get better control of your diabetes, feel healthier. And when you get to your late 20s and you're perfectly healthy and let's say that they do find a cure in the next 10 years as they say that they're close... Think of the possibilities!!! Please don't give up.

margaret
11-30-2006, 07:00 AM
Hey Monica, Please remember, there is a solution to all problems. Please seek the help you need and get control of you care. Your posts show just how very bright you are. The world needs people like you in it and you would be so beneficial to younger children with this dreadful but manageable disease. If nothing else, keep posting here, there are some real caring people around here. Margaret

Ali
12-04-2006, 12:30 PM
Nothing to be ashamed of. But you might try telling your Dr. that your current routine is not working for you. You could easily discontinue the pump and switch back to a few shots a day routine and while not as flexible as a pump might be a good solution at least for the next few years and would give you much better control than what you are doing now. Believe me there are many ways to work with being a diabetic. With all the long acting insulins out there your Dr. can come with a plan that keeps you feeling resonably well and yet less focused on the "I am a diabetic" part that pumps and MDI do. All of us go in and out of levels of intensive focus on our disease and right now you need a different approach. If you are not comfortable with your diabetes Dr. try a medical person you can talk with, general practioner or nurse. Believe me they have seen it all. Take care. Lisa.

TaeandTiff
12-05-2006, 04:11 PM
Monica,
I am now 27, dx at 6. and did the same thing all of high school skipped shots, did not test, pretended that I did not have D, I was the popular one in school, and no one knew that I had D. I was sick all the time but I was addicted to it, I did not want to eat (from the Ketones) and thought it was cool because I did not gain any weight. Close to my 20th birthday I found out I had kidney diasease. and I have nerve damage. My A1c was anywhere between 11-13:eek: :eek: :eek: ! I got on track of a little while and just kept taking my pills for my kidneys, well at 23 I got pregnant, the baby was not expected to live because of my poor care throughout my life. I got back on track because someone else was now involved I was in love with my unborn child and I could not hurt him. Well my son did make it, he was a premature baby, and was put on all kinds of tubes, despite my excellent controll during the pregnancy. But 2 weeks after I delivered, I was rushed to the hospital, put on life support and had to start dialysis immediately. I went on dialysis 3 times per week, that is when you sit there for 4 hours and a machine takes all of your blood out of you and cleans it, then puts it back in. I lost my job because I was so sick, i could not care for my child, my husband had to take care of me and a newborn, with very little money. We had no place to live and I was dying, the dialysis did not work all of the time, and I just accepted that I did it to myself and I deserved this.

Well, I decided to pray and ask the Lord for forgiveness, everything that I did to my self, my husband, everyone. I have a new son and please Lord let me live. My brother came in as a match for a kidney 3 months later. I had the transplant 2/04, and a pancreas transplant 10/05. I am better now...... But now my son has diabetes, he is only 3 I have stopped asking the Lord why and just asked for the strength to take care of him.

I realize that If I would've done what I was supposed to do, I would not be relying on a 3rd kidney that is not mine, a 2nd pancreas that is not mine, failing eyesite, and every so often loose feeling in my hands!

Please don't look away, and have the couarge that I did not have.
I am praying for you.
You can send me a message or email me at TiffanyBrooks2@yahoo.com
anytime!

Take care

LalaLora272
12-11-2006, 05:20 AM
I did that too and I ended up being quite ill. Now when I go to the doctors they never believe I'm sick and question me about my injections. You should tell someone how your feelin. Everyone gets pissed with havin diabetes from time to time, you wouldn't be normal if you didnt

Please tell your Mum/Mom. It'll be okay!

Lora xx:p