Single Parents?

[austin_calebs_mom]

I was just wondering how many of you are single parents. Is your child's other parent involved in their care? Who do you use for a support system? How do you handle all the stress of doing it by yourself? I'm trying to find some healthy ways to deal with my stress, and I figure, who better to ask than other single parents that have a child with D?

[allisa]

Ty was dxd about 4 months after my ex and I had seperated....and my ex said " well, I guess we HAVE to get back together now ".....that sounds promising and inspirational doesn't it :rolleyes:

Needless to say, I assured him, No....we don't HAVE to do anything of the sort !

It is not easy....I have very little support.....In the 6 years I've been seperated, I can count on 1 hand how many times my ex has taken the kids for an overnight ( and I mean ONE night...not week long !) My immediate family is emotionally supportive...but....do NOT know how to handle Ty's needs ( or my daughter's own needs )

I truly need to just take one day at a time. I can't overwhelm myself with additional things....I am pretty organized out of necessity.....it makes things much easier in the long run !


I have learned to NOT worry about housework !! It is NOT a priority to me....

I do spend time doing things I enjoy....reading, gardening.

I do not expect perfection in Diabetes terms....I don't log all his numbers, all his carbs....only if we are in the midst of a change.....

I force myself to get out and socialize....sometimes I'm just too darn tired and want to lay on the couch.....but as soon as I get out....I feel much better and am glad I did it....but....as I said...I need to force the issue onto myself....

I HIGLY recommend massage !! I damn well deserve it and so do all of us here !!

I also highly recommend carpooling your kids to their activities....even sparing yourself a 10 minute car ride makes life that much easier !

I could keep going and going....because truly for me....it is all in the small stuff....as in....don't sweat the small stuff and pay attention to and don't miss all the fun small things that happen daily.

Oh yes....and don't be afraid to speak to a counselor/therapist when/if you do feel overwhelmed, stressed, etc....because it is a huge responsibility.....

[Lee]

I am also a single parent; however we split our time 50/50 and live 5 minutes away from each other. It is tough! For me, the toughest thing is the constant arguing over who is doing right versus wrong. WE have alot of head butting matches!

It is tough, I used to call my ex sometimes when I was having a problem - to troubleshoot with him or his wife, and they kept saying I was just making excuses, or why didn't I know what to do, etc. They never really understood that I was calling becuase I thought they should have a say in her care, not really for any other reason. So now I don't. I think for me, that is the hardest, not having someone to talk over treatment options with when I need to.

So, I come here! Now, I am more used to it - I have dealt with most of the situations before, and feel like I have a better grasp on what to do. But at first, I felt overwhelmed and almost incapable - but, luckily, we move on from that point relatively quickly.

There are a few other of us single parents here. So post any questions that you have and we will try to help out as best we can!

[danismom79]

Me! Me! Dad has recently come back into the picture, although he isn't involved in any care yet (I have to train him). I have left them alone while I ran errands, but I made sure she was ok first. At this point, I'm the only one who knows everything. My parents still don't know which foods require insulin and which don't. And they won't give shots, so when I leave my daughter with them, she gets NPH. My mom is a technophobe, so when we start the Omnipod, she probably still won't give insulin. I haven't found a constructive way to deal with the stress yet (exercise helps though), and I'm always anxious because if something happens to me, no one will know how to take care of my daughter. My mom actually said "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it." :(

We do have a wonderful school nurse though, so I don't worry when she's at school. Other than that I just try to take it day by day. Some days are better than others. And sometimes I really need a hug but no one is there. So it's hard, but you do what you have to do.

[MReinhardt]

I'm a single parent here too. Raising two children with special needs. No help from the x. No visitations involved.

I do 100% of the care for both my girls. Stress, ha.. Well, I take one day at a time. One hour at a time, one minute at a time.

Medical drs appointments over rules everything, monthly bills next, grocery, then our fun time.

The only support I have most of the days is right here at CWD. All of my other close friends live in other states. My parents both have passed away, my brothers just dont get it.

You do what you need to do for your kids. You'll learn that fine balance, it does take time.

[Mom2Deacon]

I am a single mom to 4 boys who are 10 and under. My STBX is not an active piece of the picture. He calls on Sunday mornings but that is it. He sees the kids for a few days in the summer and the holidays. He cannot see Deacon alone because he needs to be trained to take care of Deacon. I have no idea when that training will ever happen.

My parents help out with the kids. For this past year, Deacon has gone to their house after his morning school. We have dinner at their house 4 days a week. I run errands for them and also we split the grocery shopping. My father went with me and got trained to take care of Deacon. He will be doing the same for the pump.

My in-laws visit and have also taken a few of the kids. Not Deacon though. No one on my STBX's side have gotten trained, and will use any excuse not to get trained too.

I honestly do not know how I do it. I do my best to get my own time and often I succeed in doing that. It helps that the kids are in school.

--Sara

[Marcia]

No help here, either. I understand your feeling of being totally responsible for absolutely everything. Sometimes that is just how it feels. My 75 year old mom lives with me, but she doesn't understand the pump, can't figure out how to use her own cell phone except to call me at work for any problem. I love having her here, but she doesn't reduce the level of stress. I mostly worry about what would happen if something happens to me. I don't worry about housework anymore, or yardwork. I just concentrate on family time when I'm home from work. Hang in there. Kids grow up so fast. I just keep thinking a better treatment (or cure) will be coming along and I won't have to worry so much.

[Mom2Deacon]

One tip that I have is get your kids involved with housekeeping. It has been my saving grace here.

--Sara

[austin_calebs_mom]

Sure sounds like I'm in good company here!

My sons' father isn't in the picture either..except of course when he's not dating anyone, then he says he wants us back. My boys and I live in WI, he lives in MI. His family (except one of his sisters and his mom) have never even seen Caleb in person. The last time they saw Austin, he was 10 months old..he's now 7. We pretty much only communicate through myspace.

We are currently staying with my mom and step-dad; my older sister and nephew live here as well. My mom has been amazing in learning and helping out. My sisters are doing good too...they only do Caleb's care when he asks. Usually he wants me to do everything...except he has been poking his own finger!! Yay!

As nice as it is to have my family help, I wish their dad was more interested. When Caleb was dx, I called their dad's mom because I didn't know how to contact him, except online. Once he found out, he asked me if he needed to come here, and I said there was nothing he could do, but wanted him to say that he would come anyways.

I'm not looking forward to summer in the fact that I will be not only caring for my kids, but my nephew and 2 of my cousin's sons. I know it's going to stress me out, but I need to make some money and I don't want to put Caleb in daycare just yet. We are very fortunate to have a wonderful school and the nurses there are amazing. I have no worries when he's in school.

And I cannot say enough how glad I am that I found this website. You all have truly been a godsend in a very difficult time for me. I can't thank you all enough!

[spamid]

Same here, father (*cough* I mean sperm donor) hasn't been in picture since day 1. My parents know how to care for DD, they live in FL and she spends part of her summer there. Locally, I have found parents who understand, and you guys. You do have to take it one day, sometimes one minute at a time. I also let the housework go many days, there's not enough of me to go around. You do have to take time for yourself and do something you enjoy (for me, its stitching). Hang in there!