View Full Version : My kids have major problems
mapoe4
05-01-2009, 10:29 AM
John just broke a window. He threw his ninja turtle at it. Why, I have no idea, he told me it was an accident. The other day Billy threw an $18 light bulb just to do it. The light bulb goes to our outside light. Yesterday Mark got mad at me for asking him to do something and he slammed the dresser and about knocked the tv off. My kids have self control problems lately. I got mad at Mark and threw all his stuff all over the floor (clothes, backpack with stuff in it, everything on his bed, all his papers and books) I told him if he could slam my stuff all the time I was going to slam his. Then he left and when his dad got home he had to go get him. He does this all the time and all I did was ask if he would empty the dishwasher he said "OK" and half an hour later I asked if he did it and he said no he forgot so I asked when he was going to do it and all H3LL broke loose.
frizzyrazzy
05-01-2009, 10:37 AM
my question is why are you resorting to the level of a 12 year old?
mapoe4
05-01-2009, 10:44 AM
Because I told him I was going to show him what he looks like when he does this and I had tried everything else I could think of and there was nothing else to take away from him. All his electronic devices were already gone (phone.tv.DS, scooter,friends) I didn't do his laundry last week (he always says he doesn't have anything to wear but he found plenty to wear when I didn't do it).
Nancy in VA
05-01-2009, 10:47 AM
Sorry to hear this. I have batttles of the wills with my 12-year-old and 8-year-old too. I don't have a lot of advice but for the 12-year-old, have you considered "going Amish" with him. That means he gets a mattress and a pillow in his room. He has to earn the right to have anything else. You could also try a little "tomato staking" where he has to be wherever you are. That way, when you ask him to put away the dishes, you are standing there while he does it and the same with anything else.
frizzyrazzy
05-01-2009, 11:03 AM
Because I told him I was going to show him what he looks like when he does this and I had tried everything else I could think of and there was nothing else to take away from him. All his electronic devices were already gone (phone.tv.DS, scooter,friends) I didn't do his laundry last week (he always says he doesn't have anything to wear but he found plenty to wear when I didn't do it).
and so? did it work?
Haleysmom2214
05-01-2009, 11:19 AM
I can totally relate! I have a 12 year old daughter. She has add. And it does get super fustrating. I have done this to her also. We are only human and have moments of weakness. You have to do what you have to do, at least your not beating your child. I have also taken all her stuff for her to earn back. My daughter was in school and acting the way most of those kids in there acted. She has a problem sitting still and paying attention and learning also. So she would come home and be a huge brat. So now she is being home schooled and she has been a totally different kid.
Heather(CA)
05-01-2009, 11:39 AM
John just broke a window. He threw his ninja turtle at it. Why, I have no idea, he told me it was an accident. The other day Billy threw an $18 light bulb just to do it. The light bulb goes to our outside light. Yesterday Mark got mad at me for asking him to do something and he slammed the dresser and about knocked the tv off. My kids have self control problems lately. I got mad at Mark and threw all his stuff all over the floor (clothes, backpack with stuff in it, everything on his bed, all his papers and books) I told him if he could slam my stuff all the time I was going to slam his. Then he left and when his dad got home he had to go get him. He does this all the time and all I did was ask if he would empty the dishwasher he said "OK" and half an hour later I asked if he did it and he said no he forgot so I asked when he was going to do it and all H3LL broke loose.
I probably would have told Mark "You don't get to slam drawers" Than had him sit quietly somewhere basically taking a time out. Then I would have called him over and asked him why he was in time out, and asked whether he was going to do that again. When he said no, I would have sat down with him on the couch to find out what the problem was that made him so upset...Maybe there's something going on at school? I find that when my boys act like that, they need a time out, a conversation, and a hug.
mapoe4
05-01-2009, 11:40 AM
I have no idea if it worked or not I didn't talk to him much for one reason I had to go to the store and by the time I got back it was bedtime and this morning I really didn't have time to talk to him because he was getting ready for school. DH did make him apologize to me but this has happened more than once. Tonight they are going to grandmas all but John because she doesn't want to deal with his pump yet even though she did go to the class with us.
mapoe4
05-01-2009, 11:43 AM
I probably would have told Mark "You don't get to slam drawers" Than had him sit quietly somewhere basically taking a time out. Then I would have called him over and asked him why he was in time out, and asked whether he was going to do that again. When he said no, I would have sat down with him on the couch to find out what the problem was that made him so upset...Maybe there's something going on at school? I find that when my boys act like that, they need a time out, a conversation, and a hug.
I have tried alot of what you mentioned
buffalomom
05-01-2009, 12:59 PM
I once videotaped Sarah when she was having a fit and was slamming things around. She freaked that I was taping her, but we watched it together and she realized how ridiculous she lookes. It didn't stop all the drama, but I can tell you that it helped her see how she was behaving....she sometimes catches herself and I only have to mention taping her to calm her...
I still threaten to bring the tape out once in a while....:)
Sarah Maddie's Mom
05-01-2009, 01:06 PM
I once videotaped Sarah when she was having a fit and was slamming things around. She freaked that I was taping her, but we watched it together and she realized how ridiculous she lookes. It didn't stop all the drama, but I can tell you that it helped her see how she was behaving....she sometimes catches herself and I only have to mention taping her to calm her...
I still threaten to bring the tape out once in a while....:)
That's innovative!
goochgirl
05-01-2009, 02:08 PM
We've noticed that when our oldest son has behavior issues, it is often due to hunger. I feed him a meal, or a snack, and he turns into an angel again. It took YEARS for us to pick up on this.
Karenwith4
05-01-2009, 02:33 PM
John just broke a window. He threw his ninja turtle at it. Why, I have no idea, he told me it was an accident. The other day Billy threw an $18 light bulb just to do it. The light bulb goes to our outside light. Yesterday Mark got mad at me for asking him to do something and he slammed the dresser and about knocked the tv off. My kids have self control problems lately. I got mad at Mark and threw all his stuff all over the floor (clothes, backpack with stuff in it, everything on his bed, all his papers and books) I told him if he could slam my stuff all the time I was going to slam his. Then he left and when his dad got home he had to go get him. He does this all the time and all I did was ask if he would empty the dishwasher he said "OK" and half an hour later I asked if he did it and he said no he forgot so I asked when he was going to do it and all H3LL broke loose.
It sounds like your family could use some help learning healthy ways to deal with anger and frustration, and effective ways to connect with each other.
Have you considered some family counselling?
It can be hard to find the way through this stuff but I would be worried about what's in store if you don't.
good luck
Karen
How are YOU feeling? I know this has been a tough time for you, as well as lots of adjustments, and maybe this is there way of voicing their anger, fear, and frustrations over what's been happening?
If that IS the case, then doing something constructive as a family might help...Painting is a great way to all work together as a team, and bond, and the extra benefit is that the room looks great (hopefully). Can you paint a room as a family? Maybe have them help design how they want their space painted? It gives them a sense of control over their new environment, and I swear by it!
Anytime one of my kids starts to get overwhelmed by life, we sit down as a family and plan a room to paint really coolly! Then we get started, they help mess things up for a bit, and then they go off and play while I do it all - but I don't know why, it helps them feel more in touch.