czardoust
04-24-2009, 11:02 AM
I subbed for 12th grade english. Wonderful bunch of kids. The last period of the day, in came this tall giant of a boy, I'll call him "J." Within 5 minutes of class, I figured out that J was the kid that everybody chooses to punk, pick on, degrade, be rude to, and all around make feel like slime. J was having some ADHD, anger/behavioral issues and was definetly not on meds, or they had worn off (probably the latter because it was the end of the day). After 5 more minutes, it got heated to the point that J wanted to fight, and not just one but all of them (who were all less than half his size). I needed a student to take the attendance roll to the office anyways, so I asked J to take it, give him an excuse to cool off.
I met him in the hallway on his way back in, and he didnt skip class at all, he came right back. I told him that I understood him, first off, I used to be him, I was the one who was picked on all the time, the one who was chosen as the punching bag. Generally, nice quiet kids are, especially if they are smart. I told him things would get better, he would graduate in just 3 short weeks. I reminded him that if they are being that rude and mean, that they probably are spoiled, shallow people who havent felt any loss in their life or felt any real pain (at least enough to make them stop and think what they are doing to others). He came back in and then after everyone finished their work, I let them talk and listen to the classroom radio. He walks up and shows me his poetry notebook (he likes concrete poetry and he is very imaginative). Its dark, sad, gripping, painful to read but very good. He's dealing with death issues. I flip thru the whole notebook because he said it was a notebook full of poetry, and come across a story he has written (he likes japanese anime, art, quotes). How sad it was, it made me think of the book I had just been reading (because it was on the teachers bookshelf and I had been reading in planning period) called A Lifetime of Secrets by Frank Warren. Anyone ever read this book? Its simply a collection of postcards people have sent to the author, anonymously giving away their darkest deepest secrets, releasing their fears, anxiety, pain, hurt, anger... very healing, I sobbed like a baby, squalled that whole planning period! :rolleyes: anyway, I started showing J some random pages, like the one with the lion in a cage, and the secret was "I feel caged. I have to be sedated to be in public to be normal." The next one I randomly flipped to was a picture of insulin supplies, syringes, lancets and a typed piece of message glued on it, that said "I want to get my childhood back from diabetes." I blurted out about this one affecting me so much because of my daughter, it was the one that really sent me squalling. We talked a little about the anger expressed in all the photos and messages. He mentioned he made a youtube video of him and his friends, so I mentioned about Kats video. Then he said "oh wow, she has diabetes too? my mom used to have that." I said "really? "(thinking used too....) he said "yeh before she died." I said "well when did this happen?" "two years ago, I was 16... yeh I was 16." I asked him "had she been sick?" he said "no, it just happened all of a sudden I dont know why. I just feel so bad because my little sister was only 4 and I broke down and cried, I shouldnt have done that, i shouldve been there for her." I said, "J, you did a perfectly normal thing. You reacted in a way that anyone would have." He went on about how it was wrong. I asked him where he lived, he said with his grandparents because his father left the picture when he was little. I didnt pry into what kind of diabetes she had, that wasn't important, and i got the feeling that he didnt know.
I talked to him for the better part of an hour. And it went ON, past what I have said here. I think by the end I got him to see a light at the end of the tunnel, and he was able to breathe, which I swear he had not done before, he was so angry at the students who were taunting him. He needed a connection to someone who understood what he was going through. I was at the right place at the right time, and I think its awesome how the universal powers that be line people up for that. I am hoping that J does not choose to go Columbine in some way on his classmates before he graduates. He would be one that I would worry about because he has no fear of the consequences, he wants death, and loves/connects with violence and death. he also has no friends, no outlet except writing and anime. I'm thinking on how to handle it, because i do think someone should know, but I dont want J to feel like "oh, the one time someone gets it, they rat on me." i just hope he was helped in some way....
I met him in the hallway on his way back in, and he didnt skip class at all, he came right back. I told him that I understood him, first off, I used to be him, I was the one who was picked on all the time, the one who was chosen as the punching bag. Generally, nice quiet kids are, especially if they are smart. I told him things would get better, he would graduate in just 3 short weeks. I reminded him that if they are being that rude and mean, that they probably are spoiled, shallow people who havent felt any loss in their life or felt any real pain (at least enough to make them stop and think what they are doing to others). He came back in and then after everyone finished their work, I let them talk and listen to the classroom radio. He walks up and shows me his poetry notebook (he likes concrete poetry and he is very imaginative). Its dark, sad, gripping, painful to read but very good. He's dealing with death issues. I flip thru the whole notebook because he said it was a notebook full of poetry, and come across a story he has written (he likes japanese anime, art, quotes). How sad it was, it made me think of the book I had just been reading (because it was on the teachers bookshelf and I had been reading in planning period) called A Lifetime of Secrets by Frank Warren. Anyone ever read this book? Its simply a collection of postcards people have sent to the author, anonymously giving away their darkest deepest secrets, releasing their fears, anxiety, pain, hurt, anger... very healing, I sobbed like a baby, squalled that whole planning period! :rolleyes: anyway, I started showing J some random pages, like the one with the lion in a cage, and the secret was "I feel caged. I have to be sedated to be in public to be normal." The next one I randomly flipped to was a picture of insulin supplies, syringes, lancets and a typed piece of message glued on it, that said "I want to get my childhood back from diabetes." I blurted out about this one affecting me so much because of my daughter, it was the one that really sent me squalling. We talked a little about the anger expressed in all the photos and messages. He mentioned he made a youtube video of him and his friends, so I mentioned about Kats video. Then he said "oh wow, she has diabetes too? my mom used to have that." I said "really? "(thinking used too....) he said "yeh before she died." I said "well when did this happen?" "two years ago, I was 16... yeh I was 16." I asked him "had she been sick?" he said "no, it just happened all of a sudden I dont know why. I just feel so bad because my little sister was only 4 and I broke down and cried, I shouldnt have done that, i shouldve been there for her." I said, "J, you did a perfectly normal thing. You reacted in a way that anyone would have." He went on about how it was wrong. I asked him where he lived, he said with his grandparents because his father left the picture when he was little. I didnt pry into what kind of diabetes she had, that wasn't important, and i got the feeling that he didnt know.
I talked to him for the better part of an hour. And it went ON, past what I have said here. I think by the end I got him to see a light at the end of the tunnel, and he was able to breathe, which I swear he had not done before, he was so angry at the students who were taunting him. He needed a connection to someone who understood what he was going through. I was at the right place at the right time, and I think its awesome how the universal powers that be line people up for that. I am hoping that J does not choose to go Columbine in some way on his classmates before he graduates. He would be one that I would worry about because he has no fear of the consequences, he wants death, and loves/connects with violence and death. he also has no friends, no outlet except writing and anime. I'm thinking on how to handle it, because i do think someone should know, but I dont want J to feel like "oh, the one time someone gets it, they rat on me." i just hope he was helped in some way....