My sons death can not be in vain

[bjgrayowl]

Hello this is memory of my son Michael survived Type 1 for only 4 years. He died on May 30 2005, he had just turn 18 years old in February.

My son Michael was just 14 years old when we found out that he had Type 1 He had been very sick with what we thought was just the stomach flu. We had taken him to see the doctor just a few days before. I took him to the ER. His sugar was so high that they said if I would have put him to bed that he would not have made it though the night.

Michael had a terrible time with this illness. He was insulin resistant they had him on 3 different types to try to get it under control. This was the beginning of the terrible journey at we had to face. Michael hated be diabetic more then any thing in this world. He wanted to be a Marine but they would not let him join. He was doing so good to begin with keeping it under control. It was his last year in Jr. High the school was so great with giving him his work to do at home. He would still get good grades. High school was terrible he got so behind that he was failing from all the sick days. I made the mistake of taking him out of regular school trying to home schooling him. This was bad because it isolated him so much and made him so lonely.

He started working teen jobs at 16 The movie theater and McDonalds. He would do so good for months then he would quit testing and faking his numbers. His sugars would get out of control and he would end up in the hospital for a week. He got so depressed we had him seeing a counselor for awhile. It seemed to help him for awhile. He went back to school at a high risk school to get his high school diploma. He was able to graduate he was very proud of this accomplishment. But he still rebelled against all of the rules of testing with illness. We tried to ground him and took away his car until he would test like he was to do. At 17 teen at Christmas time he got really sick again he went to the hospital for another week. It was very bad this time it was hitting his liver and the doctors did not know why. After he turn 18 he got his first grown up job he was very excited and doing so good.

He stayed home that holiday weekend by him self he had to work. He was found died by his father and sister. It was later found out that he had only been testing maybe once every few days for months even though he was writing numbers in a book for us to look at. We had been trusting him to do his insulin and testing on his own. He would get so mad when he said we would treat him like a baby watching him test and give him his shots.

If I could do things differtently. I would have made him show me what the meter was really reading no matter how mad he got. I hope that with talking to teens and letting them know that with this illness.You can not just take it for granted and ignore it. It will not go away it can kill you. The things that I learn would be pushy!!! Bug them about testing watch them test. If needed give them some of the shots also. I would have kept him in school so that he would have been able to have more friend his age. I would fight the school more for sick days and the make up work. There is nothing I can do to bring my son back. I love and miss him with all of my heart. I have no idea if this will help any one or not. But I have to do something to help others in Michael memory.


Michael’s mom Barbara

[pookas]

Barbara,
Thank you for sharing your story. I almost didn't want to read it all because it scared me. I did get through it and find myself in tears for you. Although my son is only 5, I do promise to teach him why it's so important to take care of himself at an early age and to help him through those frustrating teen years. I'm sorry for your loss and yes, this story has made a huge impact on me!! Thank you.

Linda-[NEPA]-Mom to:
Hunter, 5 yrs, dx'd 11/14/05 type I
Colby, 6 yrs, migraines

[kittycatgirl]

Your story also touched me in ways I can't explain in words. I am so sorry for your loss. I will learn from your story and keep it in mind as we enter the teenage years. I found out in January and struggle to teach my daughter how important this is. She is 11 and doesn't get what could happen. She struggles to treat lows at school because she doesn't want to feel different. The emotions tied to diabetes is almost harder then the treatment. I am sorry for you loss and will never forget your story. You are in my thoughts.

[AmberO]

I am so sorry. Your sons story is similar to my twin sisters story. She was found dead at 25 by her husband. She also had not tested, her meter had read her last blood test 6 months before. I think Diabetes burnout is more serious then ever and I will do everything in my power so that my daughter does NOT suffer the same fate. This disease scares me so much because I've seen first hand the complications and the end result.

My heart goes out to you.

[Ellen]

I too want to express my sincerest condolences. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. I have passed on your message to some who are struggling with their teens. It may be a very important and timely wake up call for them.

Perhaps you are interested in the Quilt for Life (http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com/activities/quilt/), and would like to make one in memory of your precious son. This quilt could also serve as a testament to the toll this disease can take on a young person and his family.

Respectfully,
Ellen

[LalaLora272]

I'm a diabetic teen myself and your story is very sad. Im sorry to hear about your son. I had a rough patch not so long ago but this has made me determined to look after myself. Hopefully your story will spur others into realising that this illness is a killer.

[Hollyb]

Hello Barbara,

I was so sad to hear about your son's struggle with diabetes and early death. Like others, I was a bit afraid to read your post -- my own son is just 14, diagnosed about 6 months ago, and though he is doing well now I know that things may get tougher down the road.

As parents we always think that if we just could find the exact right way to handle a challenge -- be wise enough, sensitive enough, demanding enough -- maybe things would have been different. But we all do the very best we can and sometimes nothing would have changed the outcome. I'm so sorry you lost your precious son to this disease.

Holly

[Mik's Mom]

Barbara,

My heart goes out to you. Like others here, I wasn't to sure if I could read this post, as what happened to your family.. is everyone's worst nightmare. I can't imagine how you must be feeling..it took me 3 times to get through this post as my eyes were so teary...

My daughter has been living with diabetes for 9 months, she was diagnosed when she was 6 years old. I have heard many people say that the teenage years can be trying..your story is a real eye opener.

My daughter is now only 7 years old, so I have a few years until she is a teen..but I will save your story and share it with her when the time is right.

Michael's story has touched me and I will never forget your message...

God Bless!

[bethdou]

Barbara,
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story, as painful as it must be - hopefully it can make a difference for other kids going through the same issues as your son. My oldest brother (also Michael) was diagnosed as an adult with type 2, but became insulin dependent quickly and began ignoring his BG checks and diet. At age 48, he had a heart attack and stroke, but thankfully survived....being able to share his story and that of your son with my own daughter will help her to see the importance of caring for herself wisely (I pray!).
You and your family have my deepest sympathy.
Sincerely,
beth

[karpoozi123]

I am really sorry about your son. I hope it is a comfort to you that I am a diabetic teen, who was not controlling my diabetes very well, but after reading your son's story, I am motivated to try and do a better job.
Thank you for sharing it with us.

[KarenB]

I am so sorry about your loss. My 17 yo daughter just came home yesterday from the hospital. I had taken her in to the emergency room Sat. night because she was so ill. That is when I found out she hadn't taken her Insulin for "a couple of months". Needless to say her being in the hospital with DKA was a real eye opening experience. I can no longer trust her and have to oversee her Insulin care now. She was very close to being where you poor son is now. Thank you for writing your story, It will touch many many people.

[hold48398]

Barbara,

I am so so sorry. Your story made me very sad and left me with a big lump in my stomach. The pain you are feeling must be unbearable. I hope that you can let go of feeling guilty because it wasn't your fault. You have to keep telling yourself that. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom because I know you will touch many hearts and change many lives...for the better.

Please take care of yourself.

[Ellen]

I am so sorry about your loss. My 17 yo daughter just came home yesterday from the hospital. I had taken her in to the emergency room Sat. night because she was so ill. That is when I found out she hadn't taken her Insulin for "a couple of months". Needless to say her being in the hospital with DKA was a real eye opening experience. I can no longer trust her and have to oversee her Insulin care now. She was very close to being where you poor son is now. Thank you for writing your story, It will touch many many people.

Hi Karen,

What kind of help are you getting for your daughter?

[KarenB]

We were at Childrens Hospital here in Los Angeles and the doctors have started treating her as if she were newly diagnosed. We are now on the Basal/Bolus regimen (we weren't before). We are counting every single carb that she eats. We are doing this the right way now, no more letting her keep her meter and Insulin in her room. After 3 days of being out of the hospital I am seeing a huge improvement in her BG numbers. She is still feeling pretty lousy physically but I am sure that will soon turn around as her body recouperates from such a tramatic expericence. I was told had I waited another day to bring her in, It would of been too late. Right now I am just taking it day by day, thankful that I still have her with me.

[Ellen]

Are they also providing her with psychological counseling? I never understood why "coping" isn't addressed at every appointment. The focus should be on the psychological skills to live with diabetes 24/7/365 - not just the numbers. Without the coping skills, how is one to manage?

[KarenB]

Yes as a matter of fact. We met with a social worker who started asking my daughter lots of questions. She then gave me some referrals to therapists in my area and I will be calling them tomorrow. I truly believe we have to take care of the physical and mental aspects of what has happened here so that it doesn't happen again in the future.

[Ellen]

Wishing your daughter and your family all the best Karen.

[munchkingirl]

I am so sorry about your loss. My 17 yo daughter just came home yesterday from the hospital. I had taken her in to the emergency room Sat. night because she was so ill. That is when I found out she hadn't taken her Insulin for "a couple of months". Needless to say her being in the hospital with DKA was a real eye opening experience. I can no longer trust her and have to oversee her Insulin care now. She was very close to being where you poor son is now. Thank you for writing your story, It will touch many many people.

I know the place your daughter is in, all too well. I have gone litteral months without insulin and checking my bs. I've done the anorexia thing. I've done the bulimia thing. Starting at around 13years old. My parents and doctor found out at 16 and was hospitalized. i was hospitalized again in dka a month before my 17th birthday. Then again 2weeks after my 17th birthday. and once more a year later. It has been a VERY rough road to come down. Finally, at 18, things are worked out better everyday. My family is very very supportive and help me a lot. I look forward to living a long full life because people cared enough to get in my face and confront my problems head on - even when I didn't want to. Now, at 18, I can take things into my own hands, and be trusted with them. I have my bad days, still. But, doesn't everyone? It sounds like you are doing everything you can to help your daughter. I would encourage you to really just be there for her, letting her know you are there, letting her know that you want to keep her from further hurting herself.

I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time. We're all here to talk to. Keep up posted:)

[hartpukas]

I am so very saddened and sorry for the loss of your son. You are strong for passing such information onto us as parents. I will heed your advice on being pushy and insisting on reading the meter and giving shots myself if necessary. My heart goes out for you and your family. Warm hugs, Heidi

[monkey97]

I was so sad when I read your story. I worry about the teen years to come, and try and make sure Phillip shows me his meter every test and I watch him inject. being a solo mum this isn't always easy when I'm trying to get tea at the same time, so sometimes his sister watches instead. She loves looking after her big brother, and he doesn't seem to mind it. Hopefully if I keep up like this it won't be so bad when he's a teenager.
Stacie
mum to
Phillip 9 1/2 dxd 27 January 2005
Shanaiah nearly 8, allergic to dairy

[Mariel's Mom]

I cannot express adequately how sorry I am to hear of your tragedy. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. All of us with children of this disease mentally know how dangerous this disease is but I cannot fathom your feelings of helplessness when dealing with an older child who is rebelling so much against this insidious disease. Those of us with young children feel the pressure of continuously monitoring everything our children eat and do that can affect their sugar control - but we at least have the control. What is frightening is having to give up some of that control as our children age - needing independence and yes chafing from the yoke of this disease.

I have printed out a copy of your post and am keeping it in a very secret place. At the right time...when Mariel gets older and is emotionally ready for me to turn our conversations from "Diabetes is "serious" but very controllable and you will have a wonderful and normal life" which is what we talk about now - to "Diabetes can be "Deadly" but very controllable and you can have a wonderful and normal life if you take it seriously and are responsible".... then I will share with her your touching post. Thank you

I wish you peace

[Eoin'sMam]

Barbara

Thank you so much for sharing Michaels story, thank you for having the strength to do it. It was so difficult to read I cannot begin to imagine how difficult it was to write. I will keep this for Eoin when we get to the teenage years and we will keep you and your family in our thoughts

Lou

[Kelsmum]

HI Barbara,

I, like many others, read this with the same lurking feeling of dread and fear, and just cried for you and the journey you have been on with Michael.
His death will not be in vain, your courage and heart for those of us who are undertaking what I feel like is a lifetime challenge, will undoubtedly affect all who read your words.
I have just started this long road. My daughter Kel, who is 15yrs next month, was diagnosed only 11 days ago and been out of hospital for one week today. And all my worst fears for her future, lie in the facts of your sad story. But at the same time, I have great hope in Kel's ability to be disciplined with her maintenance of diabetes, as she has shown from Day 1, great courage, acceptance and compliance to what she must do, every single day of her young life, from now on. She went back to school only 3 days ago, and already she has slotted her testing,insulin etc, into her little routine with as much grace and ease as she could muster up. Deep down, I know she feels like screaming at life right now, and all I can do is be there for her,til I die, muddle our way through the technicalities of this disease, and give her the best possible chance to live life to the fullest. I want her to read this story one day too, but knowing when the time is right is hard. It may scare her,since it's her early days, but it might be the very thing to keep her focused. She is remembering to do most all things on time, but being a kid, will sometimes walk well away, leaving her hypo jelly bean pack without realizing for long periods, and then having to be given them by me, causing her to feel followed and watched. All teenagers hate to be babied in any way and I struggle already with how much I should let her be independent. Your story will remind me why, I should always just go ahead and check, despite her protests.

Kelsmum:)

[bjgrayowl]

I wanted to thank you all for being brave enough to read about Michael and for yours prayers. I hope that someone from reading this will not die from this terrible disease. That living with all of the testing and the shots are needed to stay alive. It was so hard for Michael the last 6 months he was going to the hospital a lot. I would talk to him about how important it was to test so many times and day he would say I was just being over protective. I was trying but he was all most a grown up and you can not be with them 24 hours a day. This first year with out Michael has been so hard. I try to talk to other teens that have this illness about Michael. So they can see that it is real that the number of children that die form this is so high that they have to be so careful and don't be afraid of asking for help when it gets to be to much for them. I know that in my heart Michael would not want to just be unable to live without him. He would want me to live the best I can until I see him again and to help his brother and his sisters with their loss also.

Thank you all for that keep reading this and I pray for all that have this that God will watch over them and help them though live with this until they can find a cure.

God bless you all
Michael’s mom Barbara

[T_Adelaide]

Barbara thank you for sharing Michael's story with us.
I am dreading the teen years! My daughter can be stuborn enough already. {{{{{hugs**********

[sheila]

Thank you for sharing your heart wrenching story (as I wipe a tear away).

This hits close to home for me. My brother did not take care of himself and passed away (several years ago). I worry about my daughter and her teen years.

(((((hugs)))))

[OSUMom]

Barbara, I'm so so sorry and sad for your loss of your son. Your story touches me deeply as I have a 19 year old son who is newly diagnosed at 18 years old only 3 months ago. Know you are in my thoughts and in my prayers. Thank you for posting.

Laurie

[Momof4gr8kids]

Barbra, Thank you for your courage to post your story, and help others. You, and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs, Jamie

[Treysmom]

:( Thank You for sharing your story. :( We will share your story with Trey when he is older.

[susanH]

barbara,

thank you for sharing michael's story with us. i have an 18-year old son, your story is very difficult for me to read; i can not imagine living thru it as you have. i hope others will learn from your son's struggle with diabetes.

God bless you and your family.

susan

[lisalotsamom]

Barbara, I'm sitting here with tears for you, your family, and your precious Michael. Our Tessa is 3 1/2 now, and has had type 1 for 2 years. The teen years are one of my fears--battles that may come up during the journey to independence. Please know that your son's life and your telling his story has sent ripples out that will be felt far beyond what you can see. I will tell it to people I know, and we can all benefit from Michael's life. You are in my prayers.

[MrsBadshoe]

Barbara, Thank you for sharing your story. My son is almost 13 dx at 10 and my dd is 9 dx at 7. Your story is my biggest fear...I will print it out so I have it to share with my kids if the time comes that I need too...

[My-3-Boys]

My deepest condolences go out to you and your family.

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. My son is 9 years old and I tell him on a daily basis how important it is to take care of himself. I can only hope that we don't have to face what you have.

[mom23boys]

I cannot even express how your letter saddened me. Your story moved me beyond words. My heart aches for you as all us parents are just trying to make it through another day of highs and lows with blood sugars and regulating insulin.

We don't even stop to think that there may be a possibility that they may get weary one day and just can't do one more finger poke. I pray the Lord will give us all the wisdom we need to know when something isn't right.

Thank you for your generous heart to share your story. I know that your story will touch more lives than you know.

May the Lord give you the strength and grace at the time that you need it.

Terri wife to Tony
Mom to Christian 12, dx'd 4-06
Gunner 10 and Micah 6

[renee]

I read your story , I have a teenage son with type 1. I am finding these years are rough. He is skipping testing you have encouraged me to look in his meter more often it can only help him. Thankyou for sharing your story it will help a lot of parents with teens with type 1.



Renee
mom of dillon

[zet]

May God bless you and thank you for sharing your story. We are all here for you if you ever need comfort.

[Abby-Dabby-Doo]

I often try to go back in the threads and try and learn something new! We're 6 months into diagnoses next week, and I only feel we've scratched the surface in learning.
This is something that I did not intend to come across, it's heartbreaking. I intend on printing this out, and if the time/need comes I will pull it out and share it.
I don't know if Barbara still visits this site on occasion, but my thoughts and prayers go out to her and her family. Thank you for sharing so others can learn from your situation! :cwds:

[momofphoenix]

I am so sorry for your loss. Like many others I was dreading reading it. My son is almost 8 dx'ed 2003 at age 3. He hates to test but reminds me about his shots... I am very fearfull for the teen years as he is so stuborn now... I am forwarding this to a girl on the Dlife website she is in her 20's and is really having a hard time maybe this will help her understand what could happen if she doesnt start taking care of herself and test and inject when needed......


thank you again for the post I will also share it with my son (if/when) the time comes....

Jessie

Mom to Phoenix dx'ed 2003 at age 3 now almost age 8

[lisamomtotwins]

I am sooo sorry for your loss! Thank you for sharing your story!

[THE SARGE]

Barbra, please accept my deepest sympthy for the loss of your son. I to deal with Diabetes on a daily bases, my oldest sister past away at the age of 16 without ever wakeing up from a coma and never knowing that she was a Diabetic, I was 8, my oldest brother past away at 51 after having lead a very productive lift even though it was shorten by complications of Diabetes. I my-self also have Diabetes and have been on a Insulin Pump for 17 years it has saved my life, I am classified as a "brittle" Diabetic because my body just won't settle down. I come from a family of 6 with 3 of us having TYPE 1DIABETES. My sister was a senior in high school, my brother had been in the US Air Force and had worked for the Federal Govt. and had retired after having lost parts of he's foot to complications of Diabetes, this was after working for 30 years, I had planned on following my brothers and had enlisted in the Service and was 3 months away from reporting for boot camp when I recieved the news of the Diabetes, of course I was devastated not to go with life I had planned, but I learned that things don't always go the way we plan, I was a senior in high school at the time (by the way, the same school that "High School Musical" was filmed at) but I changed my plans and worked for over 30 years for my state govt. and am now retired.
Barbra, don't blame yourself for your sons death, "LEARN" from it and help those around you to understand that it's not the end, just a new beginning to understand how we can help ourselfs to live. There are many famous people around us who have Diabetes let others know about that and if any of your other children are diagnosed, let them know the world is still full of wonder and joy if you look for it! I am now 59 years old and have had Diabetes for 42 years in December 2008. Thank You and God Bless You and Family. THE SARGE

[mollgirl]

I am so sorry for your loss. I have a 15 year old son just diagnosed 3 months ago so I am new to this. Your post made me cry. I made my son read your post. He takes care of his own d pretty much but I check his meter so I know his #'s are what he says they are. I have no idea what we are in for but I know it will be a wild ride. My prayers are with you.Thank you for sharing your story.

[PokesforLife]

Barbra,
I am so so sorry. I have a new T1, he is 13 and he is reading this post tonight. I don't care if it scares the pants off him. He is doing very well so far, no rebelling, no fighting, no hiding, no cheating and I am going to keep it that thanks to your brave post!!!
As it is every other parents greatest fear, it is mine, I just don't want to imagine it and I work very hard not to think about it, but tonight we will, we will talk about it, we will go over the rules again, I will ask questions and I will make a point, and I have you to thank for that.

May your days get sunnier and your nights get warmer. My heart is hugging you, god bless you,

[Ellen]

While each person makes their own choice about how to express the potential for complications with their teens/children, it is important to know that the research is very clear that scaring children/teens/adults is almost absolutely not helpful and most often counter-productive. There are positive ways to empower our loved ones who have diabetes.

[Sarah Maddie's Mom]

I'd just like to point out that this Thread was posted in March of 06. And that the OP hasn't posted in over a year.

[bjgrayowl]

I have read all of the reposes that I have gotten to the post ("My sons death can not be in vain")about my son Michael he was very special. I want to thank all that have left a repose to let me know how much sharing about Michael has touch them and that it might be of some help. I was very sad and not able to write as much as I would have liked too. I am better able to write now. I felt that I had to share what happened to Michael so that other teens would know just how deadly this illness is. I tried to tell Michael but he thought it would not happen to him. It is so hard when they are almost grown up I did not know how much to try and push him. I have forgiven myself for thinking that I let my son die. For so long I felt that I failed as a mother to save my son. I go on each day by praying for God to give me strength to keep on living Michael was my oldest child I have 3 others that I worry about. I try not to be over protective, but I know that I am. I do not believe that I let my son die, it was this terrible illness took him too soon. He had to help me take care of him. He just could never get there in his head to live with it. I know that he is a peace and in the loving arms of the Lord and he never again will have to suffer with being sick. I keep praying that someday I will see him again.
I just want to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers that they have share with me. My Gob Bless you All and keep you all safe.

Barbara Sims Michael's Mom