The 3 older ones are off to see their father :(

[Mom2Deacon]

I have spent all morning packing them all up to go with their grandparents to see their father. A$$hat flies in tomorrow night and will leave in the early morning on New Years Day. I am out of sorts. I know that they will fun. I know that their basic needs will be taken care of. But this is the very first visit like this. Normally I am there and this time I won't be.

Deacon, who is not going, is about to be taken over to my parents' house. He does not need to be here to see his brothers leaving. I doubt my MIL will understand since she is bringing his Christmas gift but frankly I am in protecting Deacon and myself mode.

You guys please bear with me for the next week. I will be a mother to one for about a week. I am doing my best to cope with this.

--Sara

[MReinhardt]

Oh Sara, I am sorry. We are all here to help you through it. Just give us a yell.

[StillMamamia]

Hang in there.
You're doing an awesome job. And Deacon will be smothered for 1 week, right?;)

[RosemaryCinNJ]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sara****************************** ****** When Deacon goes to grandmas and your other 2 are with A$$hat do you have a little time for yourself? that was on my Christmas list...didnt get it! lol..
We are here for you Sara..

[coni]

Hugs to you Sara. It must be so hard. My husband used to refer to these times without his son as his "alternative lifestyle". I hope you and Deacon make some special memories.

[Mom2Deacon]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sara****************************** ****** When Deacon goes to grandmas and your other 2 are with A$$hat do you have a little time for yourself? that was on my Christmas list...didnt get it! lol..
We are here for you Sara..


I probably will be getting a break here and there. Deacon is currently keeping himself busy with his new legos and coloring. We are going out of town on Monday to visit a friend of mine that Deacon loves. I am looking forward to that. I get to relax but I am having a hard time convincing myself to do just that.

--Sara

[Ellen]

How are you doing Sara? How's Deacon - has he been asking any questions? Have you heard from your other children at all? ((Hugs))

[Becky Stevens mom]

Im sorry Sara, this must be real hard for you. The kids will miss you. You will aways be their Mom. Be nice to yourself, you deserve it

[Mom2Deacon]

How are you doing Sara? How's Deacon - has he been asking any questions? Have you heard from your other children at all? ((Hugs))

I am realizing how tired I actually am which just makes me angrier to tell you the truth. I am still very angry that A$$hat isn't even going to get a taste of what he has caused us. His mother will do everything when it comes to the kids while they are there. He has chosen to be a sort of parent for 4 days. Gee, there are times I wish I had that luxury.

Today I didn't do anything of importance. I just read or watched a tv show that I haven't had a chance to catch up on. I helped Deacon stay occupied. We listened to the storms roll by. It is still raining and our sump pump keeps coming on. I have such a hard time stopping. It is unusual for me to do nothing and then I feel guilty that I did nothing. Of course, lord knows, I deserve to do nothing for several days.

Deacon hasn't asked anything this time. He misses his brothers though. I am taking him to see his brothers' therapist on Monday to talk if he needs to. We are then going out of town to visit my best friend who happens to be Deacon's favorite person. He is currently placing post it notes all over the house.

I did speak to Alex last night and I emailed the kids this morning. I email them every morning while they are gone.

Thank you for asking how I am. I hope that I can get used to these types of visitations.

--Sara

[MReinhardt]

I am realizing how tired I actually am which just makes me angrier to tell you the truth. I am still very angry that A$$hat isn't even going to get a taste of what he has caused us. His mother will do everything when it comes to the kids while they are there. He has chosen to be a sort of parent for 4 days. Gee, there are times I wish I had that luxury.
--Sara

Sara, I too would get angry at what my x did to the girls and I. Then I though how peaceful my life has been without him in the home. I though of all the freedom that the girls and I have now, and I dont have to answer to him. I am only accountable to God, my girls, and myself. I also realized that the when I got angry at him, that is what he wanted. So I dont give in to the angryness no more. I dont every try to get even. I figured, that one day his turn will come, and the Lord will have His way with him.

My situation is just a bit different from yours. I have full custody of the girls, and no visitations. But it really doesnt matter, the more angry you get at him, then he won. Dont let him win. Thats what he wants.

Hang in there, I'm praying for You and the Boys.

[RosemaryCinNJ]

Sara...enjoy your visit with your friend...How is Deacon doing? He is probably loving you and Mommy only time! :)

[Mom2Deacon]

Sara, I too would get angry at what my x did to the girls and I. Then I though how peaceful my life has been without him in the home. I though of all the freedom that the girls and I have now, and I dont have to answer to him. I am only accountable to God, my girls, and myself. I also realized that the when I got angry at him, that is what he wanted. So I dont give in to the angryness no more. I dont every try to get even. I figured, that one day his turn will come, and the Lord will have His way with him.

My situation is just a bit different from yours. I have full custody of the girls, and no visitations. But it really doesnt matter, the more angry you get at him, then he won. Dont let him win. Thats what he wants.

Hang in there, I'm praying for You and the Boys.

We haven't even begun divorce proceedings. I will get full custody when we do. DH doesn't want the kids and has told me so enough times already. This visitation was not a mandatory one just one that I agreed to. But it will lay precedent for the next ones I am sure.

--Sara

[Mom2Deacon]

Sara...enjoy your visit with your friend...How is Deacon doing? He is probably loving you and Mommy only time! :)

His nose is out of joint because he only has me. He misses playing with Sebi. Although I am relieved Sebi is gone. Deacon has been getting too many bad behaviors from him. I have been nice to Deacon and have allowed him to keep the living room and play room look like a cyclone came through. He also got his own kiddie digital camera.

I just found him asleep on the couch.

--Sara

[MReinhardt]

But it will lay precedent for the next ones I am sure.

--Sara

And your probably right. Most states have a law, and Illinois is one of them, you must go through a class called "Children in the middle" before a divorce is even granted. My divorce was done in Illinois, I moved to Iowa during the divorce procedings.

I am so sorry that you even have to go though something like this at all. I'm here, I've been there, done that already. If you need to talk, I'm here.

Like I said, I am praying for You and the Boys.

[Mom2Deacon]

We slept in again. I was awake for a while last night because we lost power for an hour. Deacon was oblivious to that. I think that as long as we can sleep in every day, I just may catch up on my sleep. One of these days I will get enough energy to clean up the disaster area our living room has become.

Deacon has claimed that we are food shopping today. I also have books and movies waiting for us at the library. I have to go get those today as well. The books will keep Deacon occupied for a bit. They are about Okapis which is his newest stuffed animal. He named it popsicle.

--Sara