My oldest son non D just made me feel horrible

[hallenbeckfamily]

Okay, he was in trouble for coming home 15 min late from friends. And I told him to wash his hands and his dinner was on table. I told Chris it was time for his finger poke and stepped away from my oldest to get the meter. He started crying I wish I had diabetes so you would love me as much as you love Chris.~~ Ok that felt great. Sat him down and explained why he was in trouble (he's late alot) and that of course I love him thats why I worry if he's late. And no he doesn't wish he had D. In a non scary way- No wonder my backs giving me problems. I thought it was getting easier then wham! Chris don't want to go to school and my 9 yr old wishes he had D. We have had D come in very low key in the house now a days. Its just part of our day like brushing our teeth. I try not to stress over it,if its hi we deal and if its low we deal-no panic anymore. So I don't know why he'd say that. Wow its always something~Jennifer

[dmconrad]

It is GREAT that he is talking about it!! Sure you don't like what he is saying, but he is telling you how he feels and that is opening up the door to conversation. It is a great opener for an evening one on one. My non-D is 6 and he goes through phases when he is really upset that she gets more attention than he does. We try to use those outbursts as openers to talk about what he is upset about. We will go at bedtime and sit on his bed and talk about what he said earlier, or why he got upset or how certain things make him feel. We try hard not to tell him he should not feel that way, but to acknowledge what he says and just let him talk.

The day our daughter was dx we were on our way home and were going to my son's baseball game that night (my DH coaches) and instead I had to call DH and tell him that DD had D and we were getting admitted. I would not let him come to the hospital (30 minutes away) until after the game was over and DS was in bed. I wanted DS evening to be as normal as possible. THen our neighbor came over and stayed while he came and brought us stuff. Anyway, after we had been home from the hospital for awhile my son was acting upset, and I asked him if he was sad about his sister having D, or all the time we spent taking care of her D etc. he just said no...I finally got him to tell me one night that he was upset that we did not see him hit a triple that night! So I lay on his bed with him while he recounted every detail of the game I had missed and he was better. To him, baseball is the most important thing!!

Good luck!

[mom2kenny]

Oh how I know what you are feeling. Kenny is 12 dx'd 6-11-06. His sister is 9. Her name is Kayla. She needs to have a heel cord lengthening surgery. She CANT WAIT! because she will be in a wheelchair (6 wks) and then "everyone will pay attention to me instead of my brother!" What a thing to lok forward to huh? Does your non D child act out more now? Kayla sure does.

[Momof4gr8kids]

Jennifer, I am so sorry. I have had one of my kids say those same words to me, and I think it is just their way of dealing with things. It opens up conversation, though, and that is a good thing. I sat down, and asked if they would like to talk about it, and we did. It ended up not being about me, or the time I spent with his sister. It ended up being about the fear of his sister having D. Seeing it all of the time was getting to him.

Our kids will say things like this, and vent. Sometimes what they say isn't the real problem, but they don't know how, or just don't express it the way an adult would, by saying x is the problem, and I would like to do z, and see y happen. I hope you both are feeling better. Jamie

[bethdou]

Early on, my son (non-d) said the exact same thing. We sat down and had a talk about the fact that Daddy and I were having to learn a lot of new things to keep his sister safe and healthy, and it took a lot more time to take care of all the details because they were new. We had to have the same talk several times, but I think it finally sunk in. Of course, the one night that I lost it when he was whining about "How come Meghan gets to stay up and I have to go to bed?" and I said,, "Fine, stay up, come over here and let me give YOU a big 'ol shot before bed!" might have had something to do with it too....

We did try to make some extra time for him, each of us taking him someplace on his own for a while, getting to do something special (like go out for ice cream) that would help him over the hump.

one of the hardest things about this disease is that it really does affect the whole family, even if one only person is the one getting shots and pokes....:(

[allisa]

I, too think it is great that he is talking to you.....his felings are valid.

My oldest just turned 13 :eek:

He was picking on his brother and being irritating as only a 13 year old boy can be(putting down brother and generally being a bully)....I sent him to his room and after I calmed myself down.....I told him I wanted him to write what he wanted his family to be like, what he didn't want it to be like and what his role in the family was....

LOL.....I think I had a Dr. Phil moment or something.....I was very calm and wrote my own piece for him to read......

The first thing he wrote is " I want a family that doesn't hate me" :(
I want a family that has no Down syndrome, no autism and no diabetes so I can have attention to.......:(


Wow......still crying over that now.....BUT.....for ONCE he actually sat and talked to me.....and we both cried together and I think it's always best when they can get those "hateful" words out.....and are surprised that we feel the same as them....

Be VERY happy that he feels comfortable enough to tell you his feelings......

[Rhonda]

kids sometimes say the darndest things my 12 yr old daughter non diabetic has spoken those exact words to me one time or another and it does sting a lil. I know what your talking about.

[Chase's mom]

I have had the same problem with my 13 yr old boy he always says I baby Chase, I'm like I don't baby him i'm just making sure he takes his shots and pokes his fingers. D does effect the whole family.

[Pammers]

Between Joey's D and Zack's two broken arms (which now are out of casts), I had very little time for anything else. My oldest told me I wasn't paying him enough attention because he's not sick or anything. So now I work extra hard to give him more time, hugs, smiles, etc.

When is it time for ME?