Sleepovers at grandparents

[Jeff]

The only thing that Marissa missed out on was sleepovers at her grandparents -- both my parents and Brenda's parents were too afraid to care for her diabetes. I'm curious if this is common.

We plan to include a new session at the July 2006 Friends for Life conference for grandparents, focusing on blood glucose monitoring, insulin injections, insulin pumps, and treating lows.

[nantomsuethom]

Would the grandparent be another $275 or will they be included with the family?
I think this would be a great thing for my mother-in-law. She is very interested in learning all that she can for Thomas.

[Jeff]

Would the grandparent be another $275 or will they be included with the family?
I think this would be a great thing for my mother-in-law. She is very interested in learning all that she can for Thomas.

From the registration form (http://www.childrenwithdiabetes.com/activities/orlando2006/Registration2006.pdf):


Family Registration includes 2 adults and their accompanying children (up to 4) under age 18. Additional adults are $75 per person and must be in the family (up to 2 additional adults per family, i.e. grandparents). Additional children are $50 per child.

Last year we had about 25 grandparents, and we're expecting more this year.

[BrendaK]

When Carson was diagnosed, we were fortunate to have his grandparents and aunt be with us at the hospital for all of the training. I would highly recommend this if it is an option. Carson has been to many sleepovers at grandma's and the initial training made this possible and much less scary for them. Last weekend my husband was rushed to the ER for emergency surgery and grandma was able to take my boys to her house for 4 days. I'm so thankful to have someone who I can trust to take care of Carson's diabetes -- especially in these emergency situations.

[T_Adelaide]

We plan to include a new session at the July 2006 Friends for Life conference for grandparents, focusing on blood glucose monitoring, insulin injections, insulin pumps, and treating lows.

That's a great idea!
We were lucky my parents were in hospital for some of the training, so Libby has slept at their house a couple of times.

[Ellen]

We had no help from the grandparents and this was a very lonely feeling.

I think it's a fabulous idea to include special grandparents sessions at CWD and to celebrate the grandparents that attend. While it's important to acknowledge the fears, helping the grandparents to address and conquer the "fears" and to engage in fully participating in the child's life is vital. They can also feel the fear but do it anyway.

It's important to stress to the grandparents how important it is that they show the child that the child is important enough to learn to do what matters. I can recommend one fabulous grandmother who has been there all along for her grandaughter. Maybe she can be a special guest speaker.

[Mik's Mom]

My daughter has had diabetes for 7 months and so far, no one is willing ( or thinks they are capable) to care for her for a few hours, let alone a sleepover. Which unfortunately makes my daughter feel very left out. She use to go to sleepovers at my sisters and mom's all the time. Now they are simply too scared to care for her.

To be fair, my daughter has had several episodes where her blood sugar dropped into dangerous lows and she wasn't even aware of a low coming on. And both my sister and mom have witnessed just how quickly she can go from being happy and playing to falling on the floor with no warning. She has hypoglycemia unawareness.

So I really can't blame them. I am told that once she comes out of the honeymoon period, things will get easier. When this happens both my mom and sister said they will take classes and feel more comfortable watching her. I hope so.

[Boo]

I am not a grandparent, but I can give you our experience. My son was diagnosed almost 2 years ago (at age 8). Immediately, my in-laws wanted to learn everything they could about taking care of him. They actually watched all 3 of my boys for 6 days this year while my husband and I traveled to France. I know, I am very lucky! My parents, on the other hand, have been a little more reluctant to learn, and therefore know much less. They will take him overnight, but only with lots of written instructions, and a phone number to reach us at all times. I think it helps that he is 10 and was capable of drawing up and injecting his own shots from the very beginning (with supervision, of course). That is just our personal experience, for what it is worth:)

[mischloss]

Great topic. My dad who is a type 2 diabetic and retired has no clue about carb counting and nutrition. So even when he visited with us, I would overhear him try to give "wrong" advice about what my son should be eating. I would not be comfortable about having my dad take care of my son for long periods of time.

On the other hand, I have had family friends and parents of my son's classmates that have been very good about learning all they could about D! And my son is starting to now stay over for playtime, dinnertime and sleep overs to these homes and I am totally comfortable with it. The parents (okay Mom's) call me the moment they have a question about food or insulin administration.

Bottom line is you have to trust your instincts with the person you are entrusting to take care of your D child. I wouldn't trust my pets to some of these people, let alone my most precious child!

[rileysdteam]

We have had no help from family members. Everyone is so afraid of bg levels that no one will take Riley for more than a few hours at the most, and those hours have to be when there is no needle to be given and no testing to be done. My sister is so afraid that she won't watch Riley at all. It is very hard never having a break, knowing that Riley is OK. It would be so nice one day to get to go on a date with my husband. On the plus side, having my husband and I always having the kids we have gotten to be a very close family.

[mischloss]

Hi RileysDteam (great name by the way)
Sorry to hear that you have no "breaks" from this but as Riley becomes older and can monitor his own BG with a monitor on hand, I am sure there will be situations where he can be left with adults for a few hours. Just hang in there and know that at least he is in great hands with you guys and right now that is the main thing. And you hit something on the head...that this does bring families closer. My son is 10 and is already heading into that difficult pre-teen stage but I think this condition keeps us always COMMUNICATING with each other. No matter how upset I might get at him leaving dirty laundry on the floor, we calm down immediately and get down to "D business" if he even hints that he isn't feeling okay (too high or too low). :)

[CAGrandma]

It is so sad that grandparents would miss out on sharing time, including sleepovers, with their grandchildren just because of fear. As if the parents caring for a diabetic kid wasn't also afraid of making a mistake, missing a low, all the 'what ifs'. Staying at Grandma's house is so neat for both adult and child.

I'm lucky that my daughter's family was living at our house temporarily last year when my then 2 year grandson was diagnosed with type 1. The 'temporarily' lasted another 10 months - my daughter, her husband, the now almost 3 year old w/ diabetes and the baby born 3 days before he was diagnosed. And wasn't that a busy time! But because they were all right here I had to learn what to do. It took awhile - just like it took awhile for my daughter - but I'm quite comfortable taking care of him now. Don't think I will ever LIKE the needles and the worry, but it makes life so much easier for all of us.

If someone wanted to get nervous grandparents involved, I think I'd start with just having them watch testing, while the parent talks about what she is doing, why, etc. Of course the grandparent can't make any negative comments because it would be terribly unfair for the child to hear! Next step would be for the grandparent to test themselves. It's all a gradual process.

[Ben'sMommy]

We don't have much help either.
My Mum is very interested and calls over alot but is too nervous to take Ben on her own. My Dad is great and watches him a bit for us but not for long periods of time. I also have 2 sisters and a brother all married with kids of their own so they are pretty busy with their own lives.
I guess because Ben is so young (2), it is an added worry. He can't tell them how he's feeling or what he needs. i can't really blame anyone for not wanting to take on the responsibilty.
I understand their reservations and would never hold it against them but sometimes I would love to spend an hour alone with his Daddy, or have a bath in peace you know?
If I'm being completely honest, if they all did offer to help I'd probably come up with an excuse now because I'm so used to looking after him myself. I don't remeber the last time he was in someone elses care.
Hopefully this will change as he gets a bit older.
For his sake and mine!!!;)

[jo maisies mum]

maisie was dxd 3 months ago and although I worried myself sick we wanted things to get back to normal as soon as possible,which meant sleepovers at friends houses and her grandparents.She s 12 so doing her own injections which makes it alot easier. Our diabetic nurse lent us an injection kit and a squashy thing to practice injections on and it was maisie that taught her grandparents how to do her jabs if they ever need to,they ve been great,really supportive and she stayed at her friends last week, we were really worried but when I phoned her friends dad he told me that his dad was diabetic so he already knew what he was doing which put our minds at rest.

[nance]

Hi Jeff,

I am the grandmother of 11 year old, Sierra. She was recently dx'd (4 weeks ago) with T1. The DeVos Children's Hospital asked for anyone close to her to come to the classes. My home has been her second home. We had 2 classes in the same week she was dx'd. Our 3rd class is Tues., May 23rd. We will know the full results of her testing (bloodwork sent to Mayo Clinic) to affirm she has Celiac, also.

We have the opposite problem here. I have copies of everything her parents have. I have learned all aspects of diabetes, including giving her shots. Right now, she will only let her Dad give her shots. She is so accustomed to staying ALL the time, it is hard for her to come visit because she knows that prior to T1she would ask to stay (EVERY time) and she is sad that she is not doing her usual. Not to mention we are sad not to have her do her "stayovers."

[Ben'sMommy]

Nance,
It is a pity that Sierra's life has changed so much but as time passes and she becomes more aware of herself and her disease I'm sure things will fall back into place for you all.
You are a fantastic grandmother. It is great to see that you are so interested and involved and that will help Sierra out so much.
Well done and I hope she is doing well.
Carol.

[rsmom]

My parents have been very willing to learn about DS's care, but given that my dad is in his 70's and my mom is battling cancer, it's tough and not often possible to have them take care of our son - my mom gets really tired, and if DS has so much as a sniffle, he can't be around my mom for many days anyway due to her immune system being compromised.

With the pump it will give us a lot more freedom in our home life, but "breaks" will be even harder as I already know it will be really, really hard for my parents to get the pump operation. We'll just have to see how it goes, though.

DH's parents haven't learned even the basics of DS's care, which has been pretty hurtful. We prepared a binder with all of the relevant information in it (written in a very basic, straightforward way) - everything from what DS will eat, what his schedule is, how to recognize high/low symptoms, how to treat them, etc....and they've never even opened it. It isn't that they're afraid or unsure - they're just the kind of people that don't think it's their problem, and they've never really "gotten it", as far as how serious diabetes is. Neither DH nor I feel we could trust them to watch our son....I know they would never do anything willingly to hurt him, but (long story) we can't trust that they would follow our instructions exactly, and that COULD harm DS.

It is an incredibly lonely feeling sometimes - I do agree that it has made our little family unit of three really close, though, too.

[Jacob's Mommy]

I have been very lucky in the aspect that my parents are very involved in Jacob's diabetes. My mom has recently taken diabetes courses to learn all she can about caring for him. My DH and I are going on a trip out of the country in July and even though I am nervous about leaving Jacob for the first time since his diag, I am confident that my parents will take very good care of him. I have given her our expired insulin vials to practice drawing up Jacob's shots, and she has come up to get a few practice runs in while I am here.

My In-laws are another story :mad: . They haven't bothered to learn anything about diabetes and still try to offer Jacob stuff to eat all day long while they are here. I can not leave him in their care. My father in-law always walks out of the room when I test Jacob and give him his shots.

I count my blessings everyday that I have my parents and I also hope someday, the light will go on in my in-laws heads that D is a part of Jacob's life.

[Jullee]

My son has been diabetic for 8 years and my daughter was recently diagnosed. My mother-in-law is still asking me if they will "out grow" this and "It can be cured...can't it"? It doesn't matter how many times try to explain this disease to their grandma, it goes in one ear and out the other.
Julie:(

[georgia]

My inlaws are amazing, they dove right in and tried (still trying, as we all are) to learn everything we can. My daughter along with her twin brother had their first sleep over at Nana and Babus just last week. Everyone did great, even me! Granted it helps we live 1 mile away. But it was a huge step, it has only been 3 months so we are all still learning, but I think it is so important for her life to be normal and to get to do all those things that she did before this awful disease entered her life.
Kudos to all the grandparents out there that jump in and learn with the rest of it. Yes it is scarey, it is scarey for the parents and gosh for the kids that have to live the rest of their lives with this. But these are our children and they need us, all of us.

[koot]

We just found out a ten days ago that our grandson who is 22 months old has type 1. He is such a sweet thing that we already have had him for an overnight stay. I think the more grandparents learn the easier it is for them to care for the child. God bless and much luck.
Grandpa

[Marc&JR.]

I applaude your outlook and willingness. As the father of a newly diagnosed T1 child this is very heartning. My mother is also very interested in learning as much as she can about this disease. I'm hoping that at some point in the future she will be able to feel as confidnet as you and be willing to take him for an overnight. Thank you and I know they appreciate you. Heck I don't know you and I appreciate you. :)

[frizzyrazzy]

my own family have all learned how to take care of my son and they did right away (grandma,grandad, 2 uncles and one aunt) all are totally capable of what ian needs. They had no hesitation. On the other hand my il's have been slow to do anything. none of my husband's siblings have done anything and my mil is JUST going to take a class...And that's what I wanted to get to - our local diabetes camp does a weekend "caregivers" weekend where the kids and granparent go ALONE to camp. The kids have fun and the grandparents learn all weekend. I feel good about this because I know Ian willl be cared for properly but at the same time I know that my mil will be learning. My kids used to go with my mil on every school vacation and for weeks during the summer.. they all miss that.

[janeirene]

I have Ashley quite often. I guess since I took her to the doctor when she was 4 years old, and diagnosed at that time, I just fell into caring for her. She now cares for herself, gives her own shots, checks her levels, the only thing I do is check if the dosage is correct. It is a sad state of affairs....when we accept what will be. But that is the reality, her life is one of needles and constant vigilance of her body. I am thankful for the strides which have been made in diabetes care. At least, these children are on a life support until a cure can be found. As to the overnites, Ashley usually sleeps with me, I like to have her in the same room. Even when we sleep upstairs, in the twin beds, I stay in the room with her. It just makes me feel ever so much better! I have my own supplies here at home, so it makes it easier to just keep her most of the time. She is the joy of my life!

[Miss Champers]

My son has had type 1 for 10 yrs and my parents haven't really been much help at all. They still don't know the first thing about diabetes and have had no interest in learning anything about it. They won't have my son staying over because they're scared but they have babysat a few times but only after we've administered his insulin and made sure he's eaten. When I'd had a few drinks one night I made a comment to them about their lack of help and ended up falling out with them for a while but now things are ok. My son isn't close at all to his grandparents and I think it's such a shame he's lost out because of their ignorance.

[BettyB]

Hi Miss Champers, What a disappointing situation for all of you. So much lost time and hurt feelings. I'm working on a book now to help parents and grandparents unite in the care of their CWD. If you can think of anything in particular you tried (to encourage the grandparents' invovement) that didn't work, I would very much appreciate hearing about it. Likewise, anything that you think might be helpful but perhaps haven't tried yet.

You've seen on here that you're not alone in this problem - thank you for adding your voice. Best of luck to your family.
BettyB

[frizzyrazzy]

since this thread has been bumped, I'd like to say that in the previous year from when I made that post (ha, 1 year ago today) and my mil went to camp with ian she has done NOTHING. sigh.

she's going to camp with him again next month and I have come to the conclusion that if one weekend per year at camp is all she's capable of doing then we'll just have to be happy with that.

Maybe it will stick this year.

[BlessedIAm]

I cannot say enough how much of a blessing and utter relief it has been that my parents took the initiative to learn how to take care of DS's diabetes. They are THE BEST parent/grandparents in the whole world! They were just as overwhelmed with his diagnosis and how to manage it as I was but they really did want to learn, and they didn't want to let the learning process drag on and on either.

On the other hand, all other family members, including my in-laws have not been as eager to learn. I've recieved a few "I need to learn" comments from people but we are already more than a year out from diagnosis and those people still have not bothered to learn how to take care of him. My DH is diabetic and his family is NO HELP at all. DH was 14 when he was diagnosed so he was taught how to do all of his diabetes management...so they never counted carbs or gave shots, etc. and boy does it show. :rolleyes:

I cannot stress enough how much it means to DH and I AND to DS that "nana and papa" learned how to take care of and have taken such an interest in learning about all things diabetes. It definitely goes a long way in cementing a bond that thankfully already existed and has only gotten stronger.

[jcanolson]

Both sets of grandparents are terrified of watching her, but always shrug off any suggestions I make of checking into classes, etc. It is VERY frustrating to hear all about how much fun they have having the other grandkids for days at a time so their parents can "get a break". ARGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!

[EmmasPapa]

I just cannot understand how a grandparent can be "terrified" of keeping their grandchild.:mad: Our grandchildren are the lights of our lives. Their pain is our pain and their parent's problems are our problems. Our biggest concern is being too intrusive.

I would hate to die knowing that I let my flesh and blood down; that I didn't do everything I could to make their lives better and that I didn't have a close, loving relationship with my grandkids.

I know for a fact that most grandparents feel as we do. You should see the emails from grandparents on the CWD Grandparent mailing list - those missives will warm your heart. To those grandparents (and other family members) that do not participate in the care of a T1 child - you should be ashamed.

I will probably get some heat here on the forum for the "ashamed" comment for being too judgmental:p, but that is just me, and I can live with it. I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy.

To you parents who are not getting the support you need and deserve; know that you are doing the best you can for your children. That is the important thing.

[jules12]

since this thread has been bumped, I'd like to say that in the previous year from when I made that post (ha, 1 year ago today) and my mil went to camp with ian she has done NOTHING. sigh.

she's going to camp with him again next month and I have come to the conclusion that if one weekend per year at camp is all she's capable of doing then we'll just have to be happy with that.

Maybe it will stick this year.


My MIL is the same - only she thinks she knows because her husband is Type 2. My dh side of the family just doesn't get it. Thankfully, my Mom and my Sister will take my son anytime. My niece (senior in High school) has even come over and taken time to learn so she can take him to the movies every once in a while. I've decided with my MIL, she just doesn't have the time to put into it - I shouldn't be surprised because even before D she only had the kids once or twice a year.

[Lance]

I just cannot understand how a grandparent can be "terrified" of keeping their grandchild.:mad: Our grandchildren are the lights of our lives. Their pain is our pain and their parent's problems are our problems. Our biggest concern is being too intrusive.

I would hate to die knowing that I let my flesh and blood down; that I didn't do everything I could to make their lives better and that I didn't have a close, loving relationship with my grandkids.

I know for a fact that most grandparents feel as we do. You should see the emails from grandparents on the CWD Grandparent mailing list - those missives will warm your heart. To those grandparents (and other family members) that do not participate in the care of a T1 child - you should be ashamed.

I will probably get some heat here on the forum for the "ashamed" comment for being too judgmental:p, but that is just me, and I can live with it. I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy.

To you parents who are not getting the support you need and deserve; know that you are doing the best you can for your children. That is the important thing.

As I have read through the posts in this thread, I have wanted to cry for those whose families aren't supportive. My wife and I are doing all we can to be a part of our grandson's life. From the first days in ICU, we have tried to be there, to learn right alongside our daughter and SIL. We want to be comfortable with Zane's needs and requirements, and we want his parents to be comfortable in leaving him with us. I can't make this go away, but I can ease the burden on those around me. I want to be as much of an inspiration to my grandson as he is to me.

As for those who don't want to be involved, I won't give you any grief whatsoever for your choice of words :rolleyes:

I just learned last week that my SIL, DX'd 45 years ago at age 12, had virtually no support from any of her family. I just don't understand it.

[jcanolson]

Neither set of grandparents has been able to do sleep-overs. My parents are older, and quite honestly, the girls aren't really interested in staying there. With my in-laws it is harder because all the grandkids get to stayover at a very early age - except Nat. We were visiting and staying in the guest suite of their apartment building, but Nat couldn't stay in their apartment even though my dh was going to go up at 3 am and check on her and we were only 3 floors away. They know how to use a meter, but they just can't deal with the overnight. How am I supposed to explain this to my child?
These are the same grandparents that buy candy for all the other grandkids and try to sneak it to them behind Nat's back. Do they think D has made her deaf and stupid?:eek: We had to have a few words over that very quickly.

[Omo2three]

What if the grandparents want to have the kids over, but just don't get diabetes- care.

I know my in-laws love our kids. She tries so hard to understand it. But she just doesn't seem to get it. For example, Bg testing, I got her a meter with strips. I showed her on my DD how to test, I showed her on myself, and I showed her on her own fingers. She took it home to practice, started to put the blood on the end and stick the wrong end inside the meter...ruining the meter....sigh. She hasn't asked for any more help. She tried giving candy all the time to Ambrea (when I wasn't looking) honey sticks, and Ambrea was great... she took it said thanks and said she would save it for later...not to hurt Grandma's feelings. (Ambrea has a big heart). Grandma will not do the needles, we are okay with that. Ambrea is old enough to do everything herself, except if she is low. So for now its short trips together:)

The sleep overs are stressful for parents to let go ...as well as the new person taking the responsibility of caring for a D or D Emergency can be intimidating.