When do you get mad?

[Mom2Deacon]

I know I posted earlier this week about how Deacon had pizza at school and I wouldn't have known about it except for the tracings of sauce around his mouth. I didn't get mad. I called the school and spoke to his teacher about it all while getting the information I needed to bolus for the pizza.

I am just wondering when do you guys get mad? Do you get mad when they are given something and you do not know about it? Do you get mad when they are kept from having something or from an event? What are the reasons you get mad?

--Sara

[Nancy in VA]

I have only gotten really mad twice that is diabetes related, so far:

- I forgot my carb counts at a restaurant that publishes them and ask them for the carb count. They took forever and came back and told me a number. When I got home, I checked and their number was WAY off (by like 30 carbs). Luckily it meant that we didn't give her ENOUGH insulin instead of too much, but I called and read the manager the riot act

- I received a notice from collections for a hospital bill that the insurance was supposed to pay. Turns out the insurance DID pay and the hospital screwed up. The fact that they sent it to collections without even a conversation put me over the edge.

Other than that, my child isn't in someone else's care yet, so I probably have fewer situations in which I could get mad with someone else (yet)

[momtojess]

The only time I got really MAD at the school was when the nurse denied Jessi a cupcake at the beginning of the year, at lunch, but told me jess had one.

When had a 504 meeting at school that day, and they nurse said Jess had a cupcake.. after wards we went to pick jess up she said the nurse wouldnt let her have one.

I questioned the nurse the next morning, and she said that she told them mom Jess was D, but didnt say she wasnt allowed to have one.. Then the nurse said Jess didnt say she wanted one.. I went off, and said she didnt say she didnt want one either, and why should she have to ask for one when the other 19 students didnt have to. I let her have it pretty good, and needless to say it hasnt happened since.

There have been plenty of times when they do things that irratate me, and I can vent about it, and move on...but it really didnt make me mad.

[mathcat]

Attitude plays a big role in when I get mad.

If a single test is forgotten every once in a while but the mistake is admitted during discussion and clearly there is the desire to do better next time - I do not get mad.

Jacob's supply bag was left at school at the end of the day in kinder (teacher was responsible for making sure he put it in his backpack) but when I came to school as soon as it was noticed I could tell that it was a mistake that would not likely happen again - I did not get mad

The very first time ever that I met the nurse I gave her a paper with some information about learning the pump. She literally would not even touch the paper she was so afraid of the responsibility. I was mad. No, as I think about it I would think of that incident during other times of being mad at the nurse. I was more under stress and confused as to what to do next when that happened though.

The nurse did not call me for a 270 when the written instructions clearly said at the time that she was to call for anything about 250. She basically said that she did not have time to read the paperwork. I was mad.

I asked the nurse multiple times before kinder about any paperwork that was needed. I gave her a medical management plan that I wrote. I did not understand at the time that it was really something that was supposed to give the doctor's instructions and was to be signed by the doctor AND THE NURSE DID NOT TELL ME DURING THE MULTIPLE INQUIRES ON MY PART ABOUT ANY PAPERWORK (being that I was new to having a child with diabetes in school, I did not always know what questions to ask but I would think "Is there any paperwork, what needs to be done?" is pretty inclusive). Only after a couple of weeks of school the nurse noticed that there was no signature so she refused to assist Jacob and I had to go up for all diabetes care for a couple of weeks. I clearly was mad.

A different, substitue nurse gave Jacob a juice box for a 72 right before lunch instead of a single tablet as written on his one page summary guide. She called me, at Jacob's insistance, as he was finishing the juice. At first she was saying that he was a bit low and that they treat lows with a juice box but once it was clear that different instructions are written on his daily guide (which I have gone over with her in the past), she was clearly apologetic. She clearly understood her mistake. I was a bit irritated but her attitude about being sorry for the mistake and doing better next time kept me from staying mad.

If something serious were to happen due to mistakes made by school personnel then I would likely be mad no matter what. My response though would depend entirely on their response.

I could go on but I must attack Jacob's bathroom with bleach.


Lori
Jacob (age 7)(dx 8-30-04)(pump 3-29-05)


By the way, I tend to keep things in. So even when I am mad I deal with the situation in what looks like a very focused manner and then once I am by myself I vent and sometimes just break down. This may not be the healthiest way to handle things but that's how it is.

[zell828]

I only get mad if I know it is done carelessly. If it is something that is truly a mistake and they didn't know or it happened once and they told us, then I just educate and don't get angry. But if they DO know and are plain careless or refuse to learn, then I don't see any justification in that.

[khannen]

In answer to your question, both!

The biggest one is when a waitress at Disney World substituted no sugar added ice cream for regular in her dessert because she didn't want to make a 'big deal' about it and ask about the substitution in front of everyone. (T1 had been noted on our reservation) Big Deal!!?? I had planned to let her have the treat and bolused as if it was regular ice cream. Big deal!?? The fact that she bottomed out in the 40s and she was pale, clammy, and eyes were rolling in her head within 30 minutes? Yeah, I'd say that was a BIG DEAL! I was absolutely livid and trembling. I kept calm but the manager AND the waitress were both in tears when I explained (and showed them Shealyn) exactly what that simple sub had done to her. I know intention wasn't to harm her.. she thought she was helping by reducing the sugar. However, I would never just assume I knew how to fix someone's medical issues.

The second was also related to Disney actually.. Lol
I tried to book the girls on a pirate cruise at a resort. They go out and about on the lake on a treasure hunt and then stop on an island for lunch before finally returning.. the whole thing lasts about 2.5 hrs I think. I was told I couldn't attend with her because it would set a precedent for other parents who "wished" to go with their kids. Wish? How about her life depends on it? Staff is medically trained but even if she suddenly had a low and went into seizures, they couldn't administer glucagon. When I explained that someone trained had to be with her for her health, they actually said I should consider the tea party there instead since I could come in when they were about to eat and 'do my thing'. tea party!? I was asking about a pirate cruise people. Yeah, my kid is a girl, but if she wanted a tea party, we would have asked about a tea party, not pirates.

[momandwifeoftype1s]

I get mad about school issues a lot. However, I think that my adrenaline can be put to good use to make changes. If I just stew about things, it gets me nowhere. Taking action makes me feel proud of my accomplishments. My husband helps me determine which battles to fight. I also write things down in a journal with a time/date when things happened that have been discriminatory at school. I've used this information to get assistance from the ADA. Writing things down also seems to help me process my emotions - free therapy!

[Tresstonsmom]

School things seem to upset me alot. But then my level-headed:rolleyes: hubby tells me to calm down, and talk to that person tomorrow. I usually calm down, and seem to approach it in a different, calmer way. I try to explain the right way to do things, and how it needs to be done. I am the fly-off-the-handle kinda' gal, but have had to learn lately to calm down.

Something that REALLY makes me mad lately.:mad: Is when people that have no clue into Type 1 diabetes, nor do they deal with my child's D on a regular basis or any kids D for that matter. They try to give me advice, tell me what is right to do and wrong to do for him, or tell me that a pump is bad for kids(that was a family member yesterday!!) I just want to SCREAM, and throw our D bag at them !! I honestly think if they lived in my house for a week and dealt with what I did, then they would keep their mouth shut !!:mad:
I know that before D, I didn't know much about it, but I didn't give my 2 cents when not asked/needed. I feel like them giving me "tips" on D , is like me telling a construcion guy how to build a bridge....:eek:

Ok, I feel better now....until I get more advice.

[Mama2H]

I got mad yesterday when Hailey went to cheer leading try outs and was the only girl NOT picked :( No reason to bring it up to the school because there is no way to prove it was because they don't want to worry about training someone for her at away games :mad: I never mentioned the D probability to Hailey but no matter what her heart is broken now :( How awful to be the only girl NOT picked :(

ETA: Speaking with the other girls when Hailey was not around, they all said that she did great and that they couldn't believe that girls that had to stop and be reminded of the cheers got picked over her.

[kemjris]

The two things that had me most angry were when a substitute refused to allow my daughter to go to the nurse when she felt low. My daughter was afraid to just walk out. (she was a fifth grader/newly diagnosed). Of course the school was apologetic, but....you know what could have happened. Thank goodness it was almost the end of the class period and she went to the nurse after class. I'm a teacher in the same district which makes it even more frustrating when my own colleagues don't want to learn or help.

She had a math teacher, who refused to allow her to make up a test after school (she missed the original due to high sugars), even though it is stated in her 504 that she would make-up work after school with the teacher or in the office with the administration. Oh, the reason she told my daughter she couldn't take it after school, "how do I know you won't cheat?". My daughter had never given her any reason to suspect cheating. As a matter of fact, she was struggling with math at the time, because this teacher doesn't know how to explain things on an 8th grade level. So my straight A student is now failing Algebra 2. (sorry for the rant). Well administration set her straight and my daughter now takes her make-up tests in the office. And if she's cheating she's not very good at it, because she has gotten less than a 70% on every one of those tests.:confused:

I'm looking forward to my daughter joining my husband and me in the high school where colleagues are much more willing to learn and help.:)

[Charmed7]

I don't really get mad. My husband gets furious. Especially at my family. He gets mad at school too. Our code is, deal with mom first. If it isn't taken care of, then dad will call and I can't be held accountable for what he says/does. :p

I sort of give the people around my son the benefit of the doubt. Its not like they are purposely hurting him. They don't live with it all day. They won't remember everything. So you have to keep reminding them, and keeping tabs. I guess I just feel like my job never stops, even if he's in the hands of someone else. Heck, my job doesn't stop even when he's home with dad.

My husband definately has higher expectations. His biggest arguement is: If you don't know, then just call us. Don't just guess. So most of my plans with other care-givers goes like this: Check sugar, call me. Make plate of food, call me. :D

Charmed

[Jensmami]

I got mad yesterday when Hailey went to cheer leading try outs and was the only girl NOT picked

Nicole, that is terrible:eek: I am so sorry for Hailey, tell her it is the teams loss not having her.

[Jodi's dad]

The thing that gets me worked up the most is when my family (who should know better) just give Jodi whatever they want to and don't tell us how much or when.:mad: Even after going over the reasons hundreds of times why we need to know and how bad it is for.

[Skyefire]

The thing that gets me worked up the most is when my family (who should know better) just give Jodi whatever they want to and don't tell us how much or when.:mad: Even after going over the reasons hundreds of times why we need to know and how bad it is for.

Jason my sister is horrible for this...she totally does not get it. I did find something that works!! She walked in one day and passed Phoenix a donut:mad: Didnt ask AGAIN! This happens all the time, and could be anything! When I get mad, she trys to tell me it is just one little bite etc! So this time was the straw that broke the camels back and I just yelled at her "Get out of my house....I am tired of you trying to Kill my Son!!!" She tried to argue with me and I threw her out, told her not to come back until she could follow my rules and respect his D! I also yelled that she better start doing the same with Aiden, who she likes to feed as well!

It took her a couple days to talk to me again, then called to apoligize. I still dont think she understands but she has not feed him without permission since. So it worked.

[MamaC]

The only thing that really has made me crazy in the last two years is insurance related. Mistakes, goofs and misunderstandings have been annoying but passing.

When Tom had his seizure at camp in Delaware and had to go to the ER 3 hours from home, he received adequate care. But I have been fighting with one of the providers and my insurance since OCTOBER over a lousy $16 charge that the provider refuses to bundle on the bill and Kaiser refuses to pay as a separate charge. The provider has threatened to put us in collections and Kaiser is dragging its feet in the appeals process. DH told me to pay it and be done but it's the principle - provider is trying to gouge us for a charge that is typically bundled, Kaiser has paid everything except my $50 deductible (to the tune of almost $4 grand) but refuses so far to pay the $16, although they admit that it shouldn't be my responsibility...and I get periodic threatening statements from the provider.

Give it a rest, guys.

~~Becky~~

[ADHDiabetic Mom]

I get mad when my son treats highs as "no big deal".

I get mad when he he won't accept suggestions or instructions from me because three weeks at Camp Sweeney last summer has made him a fully-qualified pediatric endocrinologist (and I'm just an idiot mom who "worries too much"). :mad:

And I get really mad when he lies to me about his numbers so I won't get after him.

[Eminemsmom]

I only get mad if I know it is done carelessly. If it is something that is truly a mistake and they didn't know or it happened once and they told us, then I just educate and don't get angry. But if they DO know and are plain careless or refuse to learn, then I don't see any justification in that.

I agree. I try to remember that I make mistakes with my DD's care as well. (Usually in the middle of the night, but occassionally when I should have known better).

Of course, small vent approaching..., just yesterday I was having a conversation with my MIL and sister in law(SIL) when my SIL mentioned she was nervous that her 9yr old might have D because of frequent urination over the pat 2 days. My MIL responded "No, he couldn't have diabetes like Emily - he doesn't eat that much sugar" :mad: I responded politley, but after almost 4 years of caring for my daughter, i thought she knew better!

[Lee]

I get mad when I yell at my daughter for being so pesty (no - not the words I used) and them my bf points out that she looks high - and she is - and she is crying becuase I just yelled at her for somethign she has no control over...I get very mad at myself!

Oh- and it took my bf to point out that when she is running high, she gets dark circles under her eyes - that was how he knew. And he is right...

[RosemaryCinNJ]

Throwing away more than half the bottle of Lantus every month ..
When someone will say to me "Oh I could NEVER do that" when I am testing my daughter or giving her insulin! (like Im enjoying this!!) Ya wonder if people hear themselves??

[bflohockeymom]

I got VERY mad yesterday. Probably the angriest I've been since my daughter's DX last July. But I wasn't angry at any person (well, maybe myself at times). I was angry at diabetes. I was angry that no matter what I do there are times I can not control the situation. And I was angry (ok, I still am!) that my daughter can't enjoy a simple joy that most other kids can even though we're told by doctors "she can live the same life any other kid can." All we wanted to do was take an easy bike ride to the kids' school and play on the playground. Bike rides are a big deal because both my kids just learned how to ride without training wheels and they're so proud! So we pack a bag with meter, juice, protein/carb snacks, and water. We test before we leave and she is 95. Just to be on the safe side she drinks a glass of milk before we head out. We ride the relatively short ride to the school (maybe 1.5 miles at MOST) and she spends 3 minutes on the playground before she feels like she's going to pass out. She tests and she's 65 (down 30 in 20 minutes). UGH! So she drinks juice and gets ready to play again. But unlike every other frigin' time this has happened since July, the juice doesn't work. She barely raises 5 in 20 minutes. So she eats a snack... still feels like crap 20 minutes later. She drinks another juice and 20 minutes later is a whopping 83. OMG!!!! That's it - I'm all out of stuff because this has NEVER happened to us and she is full but still feeling like she is going to pass out. She can't ride home and I can't make her walk even if we go slowly. I have no one I can call to pick us up. So I ask an older girl at the playground if she'll stay with her so I can ride home and grab my car. I don't know this girl and I'm leaving my kid with her in a state we've never experienced before. Nice. Talk about mother of the year! But I could not think of what else I could do. So I start riding home as fast as my legs would go until 1/2 block away my tire flattens. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? So I throw the darn (brand new!) bike on someone's lawn and start running. And I ran all the way home beating myself up for: 1. not bringing enough with us to treat her... 2. not being a very good runner.... 3. not having a backup plan or someone to call... 4. not having a degree in endocrinology and being smart enough to cure diabetes! Fortunately by the time I got back to the school she was still ok and we headed home but no matter what I did all day I could not get her over 100. I even gave her pizza for dinner and she never spiked. WHAT? She was 118 at bedtime so I forced her to drink more milk and set a temp basal at 50% for the entire night. Then I proceeded to toss and turn all night (testing a few times to make sure she didn't drop again). She woke up higher than normal so she is ok now. But that is what makes me soooo angry!!!!! I hate diabetes and I hate that no matter how much I read or how much I'm told I still can't help her every day. She was pale and lethargic all day long and couldn't enjoy the beautiful day. I can only imagine how horrible she actually felt. I have learned my lesson but I hate, hate, hate that it was at her expense. Why can't I take this stupid disease on myself and let her be carefree???? That's what makes me angry!

[RosemaryCinNJ]

Dori...I think you did a great job!!! Who else but her mommy would throw a new bike and RUN all the way home to get her car to get back to her child as fast as she could? Sometimes these things happen and yes they are maddening for sure, but you were there every step of the way! Way to go Mom..I hate diabetes too, but from reading your post, you are your daughters hero. :) I hope next bike ride is way better for you and her..and it will be :)

[Mom2rh]

It makes me angry that my mom blamed my dad for getting T1D...and until Ryan was dx'd I didn't know she was full of it.

It made me angry when she sent me an email that basically said drinking milk causes T1D...thanks for blaming me, MOM.

[StillMamamia]

It takes A LOT to get me mad. I've been told that that peeves people off :D
If I get stupid comments on d, I usually make a sly comment or give them the CWD smiley look (head-tilted too) and move on.

But there were 2 instances when I got really really angry:

- My MIL telling me it was probably because I breastfed that Ian got d
- My MIL telling me I could never understand what family life is about, since I'm from a different culture (I know, not d-related...sorry)

:cool:

[bgallini]

I got mad yesterday when Hailey went to cheer leading try outs and was the only girl NOT picked :( No reason to bring it up to the school because there is no way to prove it was because they don't want to worry about training someone for her at away games :mad: I never mentioned the D probability to Hailey but no matter what her heart is broken now :( How awful to be the only girl NOT picked :(

ETA: Speaking with the other girls when Hailey was not around, they all said that she did great and that they couldn't believe that girls that had to stop and be reminded of the cheers got picked over her.

Now THAT would p$$$ me off to no end! I think I would talk to the school about it. I had issues with my son not being played enough in rec league soccer games. The deal with rec league is if you pay, you play at least 50%. He wasn't played 50% after the D dx (it's possible he wasn't played enough before that but I'm not sure about that). I tried to talk to the coach and the league. Didn't get anywhere but I let them know my feelings on the topic and he moved on to the highschool team (where he also didn't play much but he's not very good! sorry Alex!)

[bgallini]

The only thing that really has made me crazy in the last two years is insurance related. Mistakes, goofs and misunderstandings have been annoying but passing.

When Tom had his seizure at camp in Delaware and had to go to the ER 3 hours from home, he received adequate care. But I have been fighting with one of the providers and my insurance since OCTOBER over a lousy $16 charge that the provider refuses to bundle on the bill and Kaiser refuses to pay as a separate charge. The provider has threatened to put us in collections and Kaiser is dragging its feet in the appeals process. DH told me to pay it and be done but it's the principle - provider is trying to gouge us for a charge that is typically bundled, Kaiser has paid everything except my $50 deductible (to the tune of almost $4 grand) but refuses so far to pay the $16, although they admit that it shouldn't be my responsibility...and I get periodic threatening statements from the provider.

Give it a rest, guys.

~~Becky~~

Have you tried contacting the better business bureau? I had a similar issue with Patient's First and a collection agency and the BBB fixed it right up.