View Full Version : wHEN DO YOU DECIDE THAT YOU HAVE REACHED YOUR LIMIT?
Deannas mom
05-08-2008, 11:59 AM
Here's the thing...I have always thought of myself as a very strong person. Im the one everyone come to when they have problems, Im the one who "handels" everything better than most. When my brother died, it was I who made all the phone calles because I was the only one who was able to keep it together, same thing when my dad died. I have always been able to look at a situation and tackel it head on. Deal with it, fix it or let it go whetever was needed. I have been through a lot of "stuff" in my life. stuff that would make most people very bitter and hard.
I don't let things get to me I believe in "Don't sweat the small stuff" Im very even natured, It take a huge ammout of crap to set me off. My goat is hard to get if you know what I mean.
Now here it is almost two years post D Im 40, and Im seriously feeling like I just can't take any more. My stress is at an all time high. with financial burden, medical burden, working full time in a high stress job. I cant sleep, I have absoultly no sex drive.(sorry may be TMI :rolleyes:)
I have never had to get counceling before even when I was going through some really serious sh-T. as a child. I dont want to feel like a failure if I now feel like I might need some help. If there is anyone else on here that might be able to give a little advise or who might know what the heck im talking about..feel free to jump in or tell me to get over myself:D and just deal with it..maybe thats what I need is a swift kick in the but and to stop feeling sory for myself...Im up for suggestions
Hockeygirl
05-08-2008, 12:13 PM
Hi, I don't have any advice, but I do sympatize with you. I am a sahm, and I feel the same as you. I feel having 2 with D that everything and anything related to it is on my shoulders, the bills, just everything is on me. I have noone to talk to. Family just does not get how stressful it is. I feel bad that you have a stressful job on top of it all. You probably just want to run away.
My MIL says that god gave me all this to deal with because I am strong and can deal with it!!! I don't feel strong, I HAVE to deal with it. If I don't god know what would happen.
I am sorry you are feeling so bad.
Kirsten
05-08-2008, 12:23 PM
I'm like you. I'm the tough, responsible one in my family. But, between the sleep deprivation, the stress, and the worry over D, I found myself in tears almost every night 3 months post dx. I finally spoke to my GP and he prescribed a very low dose of zoloft for me. It just took the edge off enough that I could sleep (when I had a chance) and I was more easily able to regroup when things got out of hand. I'm still on them. When I'm on them, I feel more like my normal self and less like a nervous wreck. For some, even a temporary breather could be helpful, but I seem to spiral downward whenever I'm off them and that's not healthy for anyone. Don't be afraid to talk to someone. There was a study in the past year that found that 80% of all moms of D kids exhibited signs of PTSD. This is not an easy road that we are on.
(((hugs)))
Kirsten
Ellen
05-08-2008, 12:24 PM
I'd like to invite you to our pump support group so you can have a (((BIG HUG))) in Boca Raton tonight at 7:00 p.m.. - This group is extremely warm and facilitated by a psychologist (D. W.S. Rapaport) who has been treating families with diabetes for decades. Dr. Wendy Satin Rapaport is a treasure - skilled, empathic, kind and insightful...a goddess. She's only down here 6 months of the year and this is our last official group of the season although we may meet in the summer too.
Seeking help is a STRENGTH. I've attended this group for 14 years and other groups for years as well. I go myself most of the time. It's good to know that others share similar stresses, concerns...although each individual is absolutely respected for being unique as a person in their own situations. If you'd like to talk on the phone, I'll send you my phone number via email through the PM feature. I can call you too if you want to share your number. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Heather(CA)
05-08-2008, 12:29 PM
I get what your saying, I'm also the one all my friends come to etc...The thing is, when your that person, it's hard to be able to vent to others because your the one that's supposed to know all the answers. So I think if your that stressed, you should go to counseling, that doesn't mean your a failure, it's nice to have someone YOU can talk to face to face. I went back when I was going through a divorce. If I had ins. I would probably be going now as my ex STILL drives me nuts and makes D even more harder to deal with:rolleyes: Take care of you...:cwds: (((((HUGS)))))
Adinsmom
05-08-2008, 12:54 PM
(((Hugs)) I agree with both Ellen and Kirsten. I would love to join a support group or some other type of group thing. Just to make connections with people in real life. I don't have a bunch of friends and I always feel a bit restored after talking with friends and acquaintances. I would also go to your doctor and tell them what you are feeling. Hopefully he/she will run some tests and/or prescribe something to take the edge off.
*Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or nutritionist and dont play one on TV* ;)
DH and I have been overly-stressed as of late, just like everyone else. But we were making some very unhealthy choices. I have been watching a show about how nutrition effects not only health and our looks, but our energy levels, sex drive, sleep etc. Since I have been feeling so lifeless and looking pretty rough on top of the stress. I have been incorporating some of her suggestions into our families diet. All of the people on the show lake B vitamins and most of them lack Zinc. Here is my condensed version of her show: B vitamins for energy(whole grains, nuts, veggies), Zinc for a better sex drive(strawberries, spinach, beans and brown rice) and Fish oil (salmon, sardines, etc)for vitality. I really think including these things in our diet has helped a little along with organizing some things in my life.
Good Luck. I am glad you posted this. It shows I am not all alone in my feelings.
CJ's Mom
05-08-2008, 12:54 PM
Sorry, not much advice. I'm going through the same thing right now. I'm always the strong one that everyone turns to. I don't have a family support system, no siblings, my dad doesn't understand D, mom does but not as much as i originally thought. Friends, I have two that are there for me, don't understand it all but try to. Co-workers, forget it. At work anymore, I'm keeping things all business, tired of all the bickering, whining and complaining that they are so broke (they are paid 2x what I am and all have 2 income homes, kinda rubs wrong when I have a single income living paycheck to paycheck. I don't want to hear it, sell your motorcycles, boats, and brand new SUV's. Sorry, had to rant.) I just keep telling myself it's all too complicated for them to understand.
I've thought about counseling but how are they going to understand D and all the emotions if they haven't experienced it? And I don't need antidepressants. Don't get me wrong I believe they can be helpful, but sometimes I just need alone time to sort things out.
You know - we're moms, and I am also the laid back, let it slide down my back, it will work itself out type person. But when everyone, my kids, my mom ,my bf, my ex, my coworkers, comes to me with their minor complaints day in and day out, I get mad. I am a Virgo, which is what I use to explain my urge to nurture - but that only works if you are getting nurtured back...
When I am not getting nurtured back, I feel just like you do now, you asked when enough was enough - when you ask that - that means ENOUGH! Depending on your personal philosophy, choose to go to counseling or talk to your doc about some meds - or do both - that is what I did.
Two years ago, I took anti anxiety meds, now I don't - but as soon as I feel it creeping into my heart - that awful pressure - I call my doc and get them again and I almost immediately feel better ( which makes me wonder if placebo's would work :rolleyes:)
Deannas mom
05-08-2008, 01:17 PM
sometimes I just need alone time to sort things out.This is what I have always believed as well, but its two years later and its only getting worse, not better. I hate to admit defeat, but I know that im reaching my breaking point. Im never "happy" anymore, Im tired all the time. yet I cant seam to step aside and let someone else take over. Im still trying to stay in control of EVERYTHING. I need some reliefe or im gonna lose it. Calgon...take me away!!!!:p
CJ's Mom
05-08-2008, 01:27 PM
( which makes me wonder if placebo's would work :rolleyes:)
Maybe Adinsmom is on to something. You know, maybe the fish oil, zinc and B vitas. would work. I can tell when I've gotten off track and not taken my fish oil and glucosamine for a while. Maybe adding the zinc and B might help.
Deannas mom
05-08-2008, 01:33 PM
Maybe Adinsmom is on to something. You know, maybe the fish oil, zinc and B vitas. would work. I can tell when I've gotten off track and not taken my fish oil and glucosamine for a while. Maybe adding the zinc and B might help.
IM WILLING TO TRY JUST ABOUT ANYTHING
allisa
05-08-2008, 01:34 PM
maybe thats what I need is a swift kick in the but and to stop feeling sory for myself...Im up for suggestions
Yes....maybe you are just being a big baby:rolleyes:....This should be piece of cake, right ? ....what is so hard about essentially becoming an external human organ for your daughter ? It only took nature millions of years to perfect the human body....why can't you get it straight in 2 ?
Okay Barb......you are not being a baby, a wimp, a failure, you don't need a kick in the butt.......but you do need some time for you.....I absolutely went through the same thing ( and it never FULLY goes away )....
I agree 100 % with Ellen....seeking help is NOT weakness.....and the quicker you come to terms with that the better.....
I went to my doctor a couple fo years ago because I was POSITIVE I was having an issue with my thyroid.....I was exhausted all the time....my brain was "mush".,...my memory was non-existent.....imagine my shock when she said, "Of course I'll run on all sorts of blood work and check your thyroid, etc.....but I'm 99 % certain you are just depressed"....I actually laughed at her !!
I said " I'm NOT sad".....because I didn't understand what depression is.....it is physical in it's beginning, though it's symptoms are more emotional.....anyways......I'm getting too long and winded here.......
What I'm saying is see your doctor, your body is telling you SOMETHING with these symptoms.....and they won't go away by you trying to "fix all"......it won't get better if you just try a little harder.....that is actually the problem ! :rolleyes:
I don't know the rest of the answers.....quit your job ? Downscale your life ? I don't know....only you do......but sometimes something has to give.....
As far as "always being the strong one".....it SUCKS !! There is nothing good out of being in that role......TELL OTHERS you aren't as strong as they think you are !!! I feel like it is almost a brush off ......"I could never do what you do.....It's a good thing you are so strong"......I work hard every day to go and find strength....it isn't miracluosly waiting for me.....you are working hard to.....and need some help to find your strength.....I'm not saying you have to jump to meds.....but you do have to find something that will work for you.....meds aren't are the worst thing....AND.....they are NOT a permanent fix.....they are a boost to your body until your body can regulate itself and get back to where it needs to be.
The truth is.....ANYONE could do this.....we aren't special because we do.....others think they couldn't handle it....but if they were in our spot....they would make it work somehow.......
You will find a balance that works for you and your family.....Diabetes will NOT run your life......I'm so glad you came here to share your pain.....and please know you are not alone, and you will move past this.
Ellen
05-08-2008, 01:34 PM
Why do you consider it "defeat" to acknowledge your feelings? Can you look at it as a victory? Your feelings are important and valid and you're no longer pushing them down. Depression is not a choice and it is real. Know it can be treated (with therapy and/or medication, support, learning to express what you need....) and know even if it doesn't feel like it today, life can absolutely become good again. I admire you for reaching out.
Be kind to yourself.
http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/1488881/2/istockphoto_1488881_the_perfect_bubble_bath.jpg
jcanolson
05-08-2008, 01:36 PM
It takes a STRONG person to admit that they need help. It takes an even stronger person to follow through and get that help. I definitely recommend talking to your dr. and finding a good counselor. We ALL need a little extra help sometimes.
((((hugs))))
CJ's Mom
05-08-2008, 01:38 PM
This is what I have always believed as well, but its two years later and its only getting worse, not better. I hate to admit defeat, but I know that im reaching my breaking point. Im never "happy" anymore, Im tired all the time. yet I cant seam to step aside and let someone else take over. Im still trying to stay in control of EVERYTHING. I need some reliefe or im gonna lose it. Calgon...take me away!!!!:p
Wanna use my whirlpool? The only time I can enjoy it is when the kids are at their dad's. It's been 4 weeks since they've been there due to flu bug at dad's. And when they're gone I'm too tired to mess with it or all 3 dogs have to be in the bathroom with me.
You need to learn to let go of some of the control. This was the hardest thing for me to do. The first weekend after dx that the kids were at their dad's about made me nuts. He and I didn't communicate well to begin with but somehow that literally changed overnight. He doesn't hesitate to call with questions, even if it's just carb counts for mashed potatoes. Teach other family members the basics and let them keep DD overnight. They can always call you if there is a problem. There's a fine line between wanting to be in control and letting go enough that you can relax but still be "on call." You need to find that balance.
Then there's Calgon and a bottle of wine.:D
CJ's Mom
05-08-2008, 01:46 PM
IM WILLING TO TRY JUST ABOUT ANYTHING
There is a supplement called Adrenogen that I get from my chiropractor (can't find it in stores). I'll take it for a month or two, run out, don't take the time to stop and pick up another bottle and then realize that I need to get back on it. (that little light bulb went on above my head, gonna make sure I stop and get some more tonight. Maybe that's part of my problem.) It really helps boost my energy, I sleep better and just overall function better.
(That little light bulb went on above my head, gonna make sure I stop and get some more tonight. Maybe that's part of my problem the last two weeks.)
CJ's Mom
05-08-2008, 01:49 PM
http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/1488881/2/istockphoto_1488881_the_perfect_bubble_bath.jpg[/QUOTE]
Hey, that's me, the other two dogs are scratching at the bathroom door 'cause "mom" locked them out.
zell828
05-08-2008, 01:49 PM
Don't ever be ashamed of admitting you reached your limit. Everyone has a limit. Counseling or seeking professional help in order to just "vent" to someone outside of family or friends is not defeat. It is smart and good for your sanity if needed. Also, don't be afraid to even consider depression medication if needed. My husband suffered from depression years ago and it almost destroyed him because he refused help.
Seek counseling, support groups in your area, and even medical help. Don't be afraid to cry or let others see that you need to lean on others at times as well. You are only human.
{{Hugs****
StillMamamia
05-08-2008, 01:59 PM
Hey, just wanted to ditto everything everyone else said. Do seek help...it takes guts to admit when things are not well.
Many people just put up a facade, so that others don't think they're weak. Weakness is not having the courage to speak up when you are not well.
Take care of yourself, so that you can continue to take care of your family.
(((((HUGS)))))
Deannas mom
05-08-2008, 02:04 PM
WOW... all of you are so amazing...I thought...I didnt expect so many to respond...I love this forum..I love all of you...Ive been crying like a baby reading all the posts. I realize of course that im not alone in this..I just didnt know that it affects so many of us the same way. From what a lot of you described..I think I may be in some kind of depression..I just thought being depressed meant that I would be in bed all the time, not able to function at all. I really dont know much about depression, no one in my family has dealth with it. Thank you everyone.. I think I am going to attend some kind of support group and make an apt. with my PC Dr. I just dont want Deanna to know. she deals with enough crap just living with D if she thought her D was making my life unmanageable.....I couldnt put that kind of pressure on her. I cant help but feel defeated tho. like ive lost some kind of fight. admitting that I need help makes me feel weak.
CJ's Mom
05-08-2008, 02:10 PM
{{{HUGS****** Take a deep breath, you'll be ok.
Kirsten
05-08-2008, 02:34 PM
(((hugs))) You ARE strong. No one can handle this D monster alone. We all need help in one form or another.:cwds:
Kirsten
I just dont want Deanna to know. she deals with enough crap just living with D if she thought her D was making my life unmanageable.....I couldnt put that kind of pressure on her. I cant help but feel defeated tho. like ive lost some kind of fight. admitting that I need help makes me feel weak.
Then I wouldn't mention D at all if you decide to talk about it with her. I would say things like life is just overwhelming me and I need some help.
I hear where you say you feel defeated- but actually you are stronger becuase you have decided to not let D or anything, change who you are. Once you start getting help, you will be amazed at how much like your old self you feel - how is that defeat? That is called surviving!
allisa
05-08-2008, 02:56 PM
wanted to add.....it is easy to hear advice like " take time for yourself, go shopping, see friends, etc...." BUT......when you are truly in a midst of depression....even those acts can seem overwhleming and large.....
When your body truly has no more energy.....washing dishes, shopping, are huge tasks.....and as much as you want to go out and enjoy yourself....you simply can't.....if you are at a point like that.....then yes, you need help to get over that hurdle.......
Huge hugs to you.......and I think kids shouldn't be privy to parent's health issues unless absolutely necessary.....for all the stress and worry WE feel....these kiddos have it doubled....they don't need to worry about us as well as Diabetes.
I'm glad you feel validated in your feelings !
zell828
05-08-2008, 02:57 PM
WOW... all of you are so amazing...I thought...I didnt expect so many to respond...I love this forum..I love all of you...Ive been crying like a baby reading all the posts. I realize of course that im not alone in this..I just didnt know that it affects so many of us the same way. From what a lot of you described..I think I may be in some kind of depression..I just thought being depressed meant that I would be in bed all the time, not able to function at all. I really dont know much about depression, no one in my family has dealth with it. Thank you everyone.. I think I am going to attend some kind of support group and make an apt. with my PC Dr. I just dont want Deanna to know. she deals with enough crap just living with D if she thought her D was making my life unmanageable.....I couldnt put that kind of pressure on her. I cant help but feel defeated tho. like ive lost some kind of fight. admitting that I need help makes me feel weak.
It's quite the opposite from weak. I know you feel that way now, but when you feel better, you will see it was best for you. Weak is running from problems or ignoring them rather than dealing with them. Depression doesn't have to mean laying in bed. I researched depression extensively when my DH suffered from it. He didn't lay in bed either. Most people don't, they in fact feel lost, out of control, in a black hole, like it will never get better. Everything you once enjoyed is not a struggle for you. You can't just "snap out of it" either. Please do seek help. My heart aches when I hear of depression since I was so close to it in my life. Depression can be brought on by many things...stress, post traumatic syndrome, changes in life, etc. and you obviously have a lot on your plate (as do all of us) so it is understandable.
Deannas mom
05-08-2008, 03:01 PM
wanted to add.....it is easy to hear advice like " take time for yourself, go shopping, see friends, etc...." BUT......when you are truly in a midst of depression....even those acts can seem overwhleming and large.....
When your body truly has no more energy.....washing dishes, shopping, are huge tasks.....and as much as you want to go out and enjoy yourself....you simply can't.....if you are at a point like that.....then yes, you need help to get over that hurdle.......
Huge hugs to you.......and I think kids shouldn't be privy to parent's health issues unless absolutely necessary.....for all the stress and worry WE feel....these kiddos have it doubled....they don't need to worry about us as well as Diabetes.
I'm glad you feel validated in your feelings !
I sent you a PM.
what you discribe it excatly how I feel. I want to go, but it just seams like to much effort to do it. washing my car is something I loved doing, going to the mall to just walk around, I want to go , but I change my mind cuz it will take just to much effort. I hate feeling this lazy, my house is a mess and I dont have the energy to clean it. But then again, ive never liked housework so that may not be a symptom..lol
Just wanted to say thank you for posting this. It's nice to hear that there are others dealing w/ the same things I am and that Im not alone. There are days where all I do is cry too, and sometimes it actually helps............as long as DH and the kids dont see me. My doctor has me on half mg of Ativan 3-4 times a day.....and it took me awhile to call him and say "Dr T, Im a mess what do I do". My MIL is of the opinion that doing that is a sign of weakness. As for me, I took it as a big step for me. Im not weak, Im just tired - physically & emotionally. And if anyone tries to say otherwise ( MIL for instance ) , I just say yup ok & move on. Thanks again :cwds:
allisa
05-08-2008, 04:20 PM
they in fact feel lost, out of control, in a black hole, like it will never get better. Everything you once enjoyed is not a struggle for you. You can't just "snap out of it" either.
The symptoms can be different for everyone ......as I said, when my doc dxd me....I laughed at her because I thought she was nuts.....
I'm going to post something that I PM'd to Barb.....I think it is important for others to see the different signs of depression and maybe recognize a struggle they are having:
I can't tell you enough how important it is to take care of yourself and speak with your doctor about your feelings and your state of being. I told you in the thread I was SHOCKED when she suggested Depression was my problem.....the signs are so clear now in hindsight.....but when you are rushing through your day....who has time to stop and examine them ?
My biggest "sign" was my memory....I couldn't remember a DAMN thing...my dad ( also my boss at the time) would ask me for a report....and honestly I would forget all about it in 10 minutes.....when I went to the doctor....she told me to stop at the lab ( right next to the exit door) for blood work....I forgot....remembered when I walked in my front door and heard her leaving me a message about re-scheduling the blood work
I had just enough energy to cook dinner...but it was impossible for me to clean the dishes .....you may as well asked to me climb everset.....I just couldn't do it.....
I took some med for a couple of months.....and felt like ME again ( I had forgotten what that actually felt like)......
This is a very personal choice, too.....you are correct in being concerned that your daughter not know your feelings.s...but there is no reason anyone else needs to know until you are ready & comfortable to share that.
I know you will come out on top of this !!
Wanted to add: I didn't at all feel sad, "depressed", like I was in a black hole, I was just exhausted, I DID feel lazy and wondered why I couldn't finish sweeping the kitchen...how lazy could I be that I couldn't lean over, put the items in a dustpan and throw away :confused:
But there was just a "disconnect" that wouldn't able me do it....hard to explain......
I think it is important to share experineces so that others know they are not alone.......
zell828
05-08-2008, 04:42 PM
The symptoms can be different for everyone ......as I said, when my doc dxd me....I laughed at her because I thought she was nuts.....
I'm going to post something that I PM'd to Barb.....I think it is important for others to see the different signs of depression and maybe recognize a struggle they are having:
I can't tell you enough how important it is to take care of yourself and speak with your doctor about your feelings and your state of being. I told you in the thread I was SHOCKED when she suggested Depression was my problem.....the signs are so clear now in hindsight.....but when you are rushing through your day....who has time to stop and examine them ?
My biggest "sign" was my memory....I couldn't remember a DAMN thing...my dad ( also my boss at the time) would ask me for a report....and honestly I would forget all about it in 10 minutes.....when I went to the doctor....she told me to stop at the lab ( right next to the exit door) for blood work....I forgot....remembered when I walked in my front door and heard her leaving me a message about re-scheduling the blood work
I had just enough energy to cook dinner...but it was impossible for me to clean the dishes .....you may as well asked to me climb everset.....I just couldn't do it.....
I took some med for a couple of months.....and felt like ME again ( I had forgotten what that actually felt like)......
This is a very personal choice, too.....you are correct in being concerned that your daughter not know your feelings.s...but there is no reason anyone else needs to know until you are ready & comfortable to share that.
I know you will come out on top of this !!
Wanted to add: I didn't at all feel sad, "depressed", like I was in a black hole, I was just exhausted, I DID feel lazy and wondered why I couldn't finish sweeping the kitchen...how lazy could I be that I couldn't lean over, put the items in a dustpan and throw away :confused:
But there was just a "disconnect" that wouldn't able me do it....hard to explain......
I think it is important to share experineces so that others know they are not alone.......
Yes, the symptoms can vary. The usual standard list for recognizing depression doesn't mean every person will experience every symptom. The reason most people don't acknowledge they are depressive or they refuse help is because they really truly believe there is nothing wrong with them because they are not "sad". The big myth with depression is the fact that people believe if they are depressed then they should feel sad in some way. That isn't true. The standard list of recognizing symptoms is lack of energy, not caring about what you used to, loss of sex drive, feeling irritable, lazy, and losing/gaining weight. Here's a good web site listing those:
http://health.yahoo.com/depression-symptoms/depression-symptoms/healthwise--aa25647.html
Again, it does not meet you have to have EVERY symptom.
Deannas mom
05-08-2008, 04:46 PM
My biggest "sign" was my memory....I couldn't remember a DAMN thing...my dad ( also my boss at the time) would ask me for a report....and honestly I would forget all about it in 10 minutes.....when I went to the doctor....she told me to stop at the lab ( right next to the exit door) for blood work....I forgot....remembered when I walked in my front door and heard her leaving me a message about re-scheduling the blood work
I had just enough energy to cook dinner...but it was impossible for me to clean the dishes .....you may as well asked to me climb everset.....I just couldn't do it.....
Wanted to add: I didn't at all feel sad, "depressed", like I was in a black hole, I was just exhausted, I DID feel lazy and wondered why I couldn't finish sweeping the kitchen...how lazy could I be that I couldn't lean over, put the items in a dustpan and throw away :confused:
But there was just a "disconnect" that wouldn't able me do it....hard to explain......
..
This is it..this is just how I feel, no energy, my memory is shot, Ill forget something as soon as I leave the room..(oh my gosh, maybe I have alzhyimers(sp) :p...)the things I used to love to do, I just cant seam to get myself motovated to do any longer. I feel so dang lazy all the time, I go to bed tired I wake up tired. I dont feel "sad" so much as I just don't feel happy any longer. if that makes any since at all. I dont feel like "me" any more.
This is it..this is just how I feel, no energy, my memory is shot, Ill forget something as soon as I leave the room..(oh my gosh, maybe I have alzhyimers(sp) :p...)the things I used to love to do, I just cant seam to get myself motovated to do any longer. I feel so dang lazy all the time, I go to bed tired I wake up tired. I dont feel "sad" so much as I just don't feel happy any longer. if that makes any since at all. I dont feel like "me" any more.
That makes perfect sense! I am so happy you are going to the doc about it - when I was first diagnosed wit hit - I wasn't in bed all the time, or sitting around thinking poor me, I wasn't thinking! Everytime I tried to think, my brain would overload and shut down...I could perform the basics - but that was usually it. Although, when really awful things would happen, like a divorce :rolleyes: or a diagnosis of D :eek: I would work like a mad woman - from sun up till sun down without eating or resting - then I would go back to being a zombie soon there after!
But there was just a "disconnect" that wouldn't able me do it....hard to explain......
Its not hard to explain......at least not to me. Thats EXACTLY how I feel. Like Im disconnected from everyone and everything around me. Again, you're NOT alone!! :cwds:
(((((HUGS)))))
RosemaryCinNJ
05-08-2008, 08:49 PM
Dear Barb, About 9 years ago only for a year we lived in Sunrise..I wish I was still there so we can get together and talk!! I hear you!! It is overwhelming, and when people come to you, and ya just cant take on anymore at the moment..just say no..my plate is full right now I am sorry...You sound tired and who could blame you!! Do you have a good friend or family member you can turn too? Counselling is not a bad thing..and to have someone who can walk you through issues and help you sort things out is a great idea. I do understand though..Im your age too.. if all else fails come to the Jersey Shore and RELAX :)
momandwifeoftype1s
05-08-2008, 09:22 PM
Been there...sent you a pm.
I do empathize with you and have / am there. This disease takes a toll on our minds and bodies. Parents try so hard to be strong for their children, but eventually run out of fuel. The disease never stops and you have to keep going....and going...and going. Eventually our tanks empty and we need to refuel. How can we refuel?
Do you have any help? Do you have people to talk to who will understand you, places like this board. Support groups for parents with diabetic children like yourself. I know that has been helpful for me.
I feel so dang lazy all the time, I go to bed tired I wake up tired. I dont feel "sad" so much as I just don't feel happy any longer. if that makes any since at all. I dont feel like "me" any more.
I go to bed tired and wake up tired too! I really do not feel that I completely rest, because I am worried about my daughter and rarely get deep sleep. Sort of one eye open. You said, "I don't feel happy any longer." I also have a difficult time finding the happiness - the happiness that I use to experience. I am just happy finding out my daughter's numbers good for today. I have to look for happiness sometimes, it is there, sometimes it is more difficult to see.
I do not feel like "me either" I am not me. The "me" that I use to be, I have changed and my life has changed. I would encourage you to reach out to people on this board and also people in your social circle or family to give you a much deserved break. Just do something that is, "you" the person "you" were before diabetes.
I work with depressed people every day...reach out to your support and find a way to fill your tank with fuel. You deserve it! It takes alot of strength to reach out and ask for help.
blessed
05-09-2008, 12:02 AM
You know,,,, it is amazing how many of us can relate to this. Some of us are experiencing it right now or have in the recent past. I firmly believe that the diagnosis it's self brings a lot more challenges. Those who don't live it everyday can never know the toll it can take on the primary care givers. For me it is difficult because not only do I stress about my sweet boy and his care, I have this wonderful disease too! It's double the fun!!!LOL
I just told my counselor today that I feel like I am living in a fog. Things sound fun, but then when it is time to do it, I don't want to. I would rather come and veg out on CWD. Yes, it is MY escape. My healthy habit! Love you all....
StillMamamia
05-09-2008, 04:34 AM
Hi me again:cwds:
Just wanted to add that your courage in sharing this with all of us, has probably led many on here to realize
- hey, that's me too
- maybe I do need to seek help
- thank God, I'm not alone
So, kudos to you for having the guts to post, amidst all that you are feeling.
Again (((((HUGS)))))
zell828
05-09-2008, 06:58 AM
I think whether primary caregiver or not and no matter what our situation, we all live with D every day when it affects our children. D doesn't go away when your child is not with you and we all experience similar feelings and we all get worn down and stressed. Besides now dealing with my SD's D, I have been epileptic myself for 24 years too so unfortunately I know what dealing with a dangerous disease can do to a person's mind, soul and body.
I too believe this board is like "therapy". Being able to get support from others in the same situation is wonderful. Getting support from a spouse or other family members is very helpful as well so you don't have to deal with it alone.
Hats off to all you Moms and Dads as I think you are all great and your kids are lucky to have each and every one of you :)
Deannas mom
05-09-2008, 10:34 AM
I am simply at a loos for words for all of you who responded to my post. This forum has been a becon of light for me since the day I found it. since my first post I now know without a doubt, that I do need some help. I am calling my Dr office today and making an apt. One of you encluded a link to a web site about depression and I went to it, I did a lot of searching last night on the web on depression and I have several of the classic symptoms.
Tired all the time
no longer finding pleasure in the things I used to love to do
total lack of energy
forgetfulness
loss of sex drive
Im not sure what made me start this thread except that this is the place I go to when I need answers or support. If my post has given others the courage to seek help as well, than I thank God for that,