Did you or spouse have SERIOUS problem accepting D?

[Kristalfrissy]

Ok-just a tiny bit of background. My husband and I have been married for 12 years-married at 19. He has gotten increasingly crazy the last 3 or so years and was diagnosed as Bipolar. He refuses to take his medicine most of the time and sadly-we are all used to him completly flipping out over something stupid or sometimes over nothing at all. Last night, after one of these episodes--he just completely broke down over Jaden being diabetic. At first He said that he feels like he is to blame because he used to do drugs but then he said that it HAS to be someones fault and that if he ever found out whos fault it was that he would hurt them. (not in those words) Anyway--he has ALWAYS loved Jaden to pieces and I knew he was having a hard time with the diagnosis but I had no idea it was this bad. My husband is one of those types would love to disappear into the woods for a few months and live off the land and was near tears saying that Jaden would never be able to do that kind of thing. Of course I explained that he COULD do those things if he wanted-it would just take some planning and that it is no ones fault-it is just something that happened. I don't know what else to do or say. He is so angry over this-he is explosive.

[chocoholicsc]

I am so sorry you are going through all of this right now. I actually have a family member who's bi-polar and I know firsthand how challenging that can be. The best thing for him would be to be taking his meds regularly although know that's easier said than done. You might want to call your endo's office and see if they have a social worker on staff or one they can recommend to you for you to try to help him sort out some of his feelings. It could be good for you both.
The only other thing I might do, is talk to your D-child alone if possible about some of the things she hears Daddy saying. I wouldn't want her to internalize or misplace blame for her diabetes. I hope that in some way this might help you.

Hang in there,
Candy

[czardoust]

Bipolar may have a big part of it (off meds) but its also normal to get angry once in a while. It comes in waves, the grief does. His heart is hurting and he needs to place blame. My husband did this at first. We both just blamed it on my side of the family because my mom and aunt are T1's. We accept now that no blame can be put on anyone. Its just part of a bigger plan. Which, I know is lame but.... its the way it is.:(

[shekov]

My husband asked everyone he could find at the hospital if my dd really had diabetes. He really wanted someone to tell him it sould be anything else. No one did. He has come to accept it but I can tell he's still hoping that some day she'll wake up and be cured.

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time with your husband. It sounds like you could definitely use more support than you are able to get here. You need someone nearby to help you out. I encourage you to follow up with the advice you've already been given. It sounds good to me.

[Kristalfrissy]

Thankfully-he doesn't ever say anything negative about the diabetes in front of Jaden. Its kinda the opposite--sometimes it seems like he goes overboard telling Jaden how strong he is and making Jaden repeat that he is the strongest boy in the world and telling Jaden what to do and say to people that make fun of him or are mean to him.

I think we might have gotton thru to him a little because with all if this I asked Jaden in front of DH if we was happy and he said yes and that we were his best friends and he loved his little sister too. I asked him if there was anything we could do to help him or make him happier and his response was directed to DH and he said "you need to stop being so crazy because you might accidentally hurt me so you need to stop--just be a little crazy and hug me!" It was sweet and very sad to me at the sime time. Even though I know that DH would NEVER do anything to hurt the kids--I told him after Jaden left the room that it said a lot that Jaden didn't say a word about his Diabetes but about how he has been acting lately and that it isn't doing him any good just being angry about it and we needed to use our energy to take the best care of him we can.

He has agreed to go for counseling which a MAJOR deal for him. I hope I hope I hope!!! Thank you for your responses.

[MommyStress]

My husband doesn't believe my son will stay Diabetic, one day it will just go away..

he had a really hard time accepting my daughter having cancer as well..

though he did say that would go away and it did :)

my son also had the same cancer my daughter did but he needed no intense treatment like she did cause his did go *AWAY* it was all calsafied *sp*

so perhaps hes waiting on another miracle ..I smile and says lets hope so :)

I guess everyone deals with the diagnosis of illnesses different ;<

I hope your husband comes to his own terms of acceptance :)

[RosemaryCinNJ]

You certainly have your hands very full and my heart goes out to you..

[Pavlos]

so perhaps hes waiting on another miracle ..I smile and says lets hope so :)




We are all expecting a miracle from God and / or Science :cwds:

[Pavlos]

He has agreed to go for counseling which a MAJOR deal for him. I hope I hope I hope!!! Thank you for your responses.

My warmest wishes to your family's wellbeing...

[StillMamamia]

Hi Kristal,

First, let me tell you how sorry I feel that you all going through all of this. It must be so difficult keeping a strong face on, when you have so much to deal with. But please know you have a 'shoulder to lean on' in everyone on this site...:cwds:

The fact that your DH is bipolar does amplify things...dealing with d without being bi-polar is already hard enough. I do hope he keeps his treatment up...for his sake and the family's too.

My DH went into a big depression after our son was dx...cried so much, hated the world,etc,etc...he's better now, although the pain will never really go away...it was hard to give him a more positive perspective, but I'm trying. Do youknow what really made his day? That article Ellen posted about the trekking adventurer with Type 1...he saw it and he said 'Wow...that is amazing...it really does give me hope!'

So, although your DH's situation is much more serious than mine, all I can suggest is showing him success stories, inspiring stories, hopeful stories so he can see, feel and believe that Jedan is and will have a wonderful future. Share those stories with your son too.

Counseling is of course a great idea too.

I do wish you the best! Take care!

[Charmed7]

Thankfully-he doesn't ever say anything negative about the diabetes in front of Jaden. Its kinda the opposite--sometimes it seems like he goes overboard telling Jaden how strong he is and making Jaden repeat that he is the strongest boy in the world and telling Jaden what to do and say to people that make fun of him or are mean to him.

I think we might have gotton thru to him a little because with all if this I asked Jaden in front of DH if we was happy and he said yes and that we were his best friends and he loved his little sister too. I asked him if there was anything we could do to help him or make him happier and his response was directed to DH and he said "you need to stop being so crazy because you might accidentally hurt me so you need to stop--just be a little crazy and hug me!" It was sweet and very sad to me at the sime time. Even though I know that DH would NEVER do anything to hurt the kids--I told him after Jaden left the room that it said a lot that Jaden didn't say a word about his Diabetes but about how he has been acting lately and that it isn't doing him any good just being angry about it and we needed to use our energy to take the best care of him we can.

He has agreed to go for counseling which a MAJOR deal for him. I hope I hope I hope!!! Thank you for your responses.

I was going to suggest you look into bi-polar disease and learn as much as you can about it, because it sounds like his feelings are getting amplified and jumbled up due to this condition. Though I understand the feeling of being sad and going through stages after diagnosis. I think your hubby needs to take care of himself first and foremost.

I know with my DH, it took me about 2 years, but he finally is doing something about his issues (not bi-polar, but life threatening obesity) because he wants to be there for our kids. It was a long process to get him to admit he was shortening his life and time with us, and (not to sound selfish) but laying a lot of stress on me because he was too disabled to help me, and if he were to pass away, I would be left alone with a family to raise. I used every angle I could, and he finally is doing something about it (he's lost 80 lbs since the new year.)

Anyways, I think you need to ride that wave and get him into counseling. Show him a light at the end of that tunnel. Let him know he's needed (without adding stress) and tell him the best he can do for you and your child, is to get and stay healthy. I know for bi-polar, the counselor will want to put a few plans in place for handling different episodes. So you will need to get involved with his counseling.

Good luck to you. Be strong, this too shall pass.

Charmed