Newly diagnosed...Husband support?

[KellyH]

Hello everyone,

I posted a few weeks ago. My baby girl (16months old) Abbie was diagnoses as Type 1...no prior history in the family (Type 1, my husbands father is type 2). We are still trying to get into a regimen with the insulin levels...still pretty much all over the map. To make life more difficult we just made a major move this summer and last week I started work. Luckily my mom was able to come down last week and my mother in law is in town this week. I was stressing about daycare, but Kindercare will do blood sugar checks and our insurance will pay for a nurse to come out and give her insulin around lunch time. My question: is this schedule feasible? I have been operating under the assumption of trying to get daycare/ if it doesn't work out stay home with the baby...but I am worried about her care? Does anyone else work or was the decision to be SAHM precipitated by the diagnosis? Just background, I actually like to work and my little girl is very social....I am a school librarian so I don't actually work a typical day and I have summers off, so it used to work really well for our family and for my little girl, but with the diagnoses I am very divided. Frankly, exhausted...and feel like I can't give enough of myself to either part of my life.
My second question: how did husbands handle the diagnoses? I am not sure if my husband really realizes the full extent of this disease? A part of it is just his way to handle it, but I feel like it is taking a strain on our marriage. We are newly diagnosed so hopefully we will even out a bit?

A third question: do you have your toddlers on special diets? Our nurse was apalled that our endo didn't subscribe a special diet while our endo's point of view ( and I happen to see his point) is to not limit anything while her brain is developing. We already eat whole grain and hardly any sweets so I don't really see it as a problem.


~Kelly

[hold48398]

My question: is this schedule feasible? I have been operating under the assumption of trying to get daycare/ if it doesn't work out stay home with the baby...but I am worried about her care? Does anyone else work or was the decision to be SAHM precipitated by the diagnosis? Just background, I actually like to work and my little girl is very social....I am a school librarian so I don't actually work a typical day and I have summers off, so it used to work really well for our family and for my little girl, but with the diagnoses I am very divided. Frankly, exhausted...and feel like I can't give enough of myself to either part of my life.
My second question: how did husbands handle the diagnoses? I am not sure if my husband really realizes the full extent of this disease? A part of it is just his way to handle it, but I feel like it is taking a strain on our marriage. We are newly diagnosed so hopefully we will even out a bit?

A third question: do you have your toddlers on special diets? Our nurse was apalled that our endo didn't subscribe a special diet while our endo's point of view ( and I happen to see his point) is to not limit anything while her brain is developing. We already eat whole grain and hardly any sweets so I don't really see it as a problem.



Hi Kelly,

I was a SAHM when Mia was diagnosed. I could not have imagined anyone else caring for her after diagnoses. We had many ups and downs that first year during the honeymoon, especially lots of lows when we were still on the insulin NPH. I do think it can be done to go back to work but you have to do some planning and find a place or a person who is willing and ready to learn everything about diabetes and cooperate with your needs and the needs of your daughter on an ongoing basis. I am still struggling with me "loosing control" over Mia's numbers now that Mia has started Kindergarten, despite the nurse being absolutely wonderful and Mia now being on the pump, which makes things much easier.

As far as your relationship goes, absolutely, it is a HUGE strain on any relationship!!! It is important that you can find support in eachother because you will both have your ups and downs at different times. Erich took the diagnoses really really hard while I was able to stay strong at the beginning (I grew up with a friend with D) but I have occasional meltdowns at other times when he is fine. I think men deal with things differently than we do, at least in our case I often need to talk things out while my hubby quietly disappears into the garage to work on his motorcyle. It's really important that you continue to communicate with eachother and know you can tell eachother how you feel. Someone once described the D diagnoses to the death of a loved one- in terms of the grieving process that follows (denial, anger, sadness, acceptance)...at least those were the phases I went through when I lost my Mom, and I find that it was similar with Mia's D. It stinks but I think we all have to go through that. I know I will always continue to have some feelings of anger and sadness, until a magical cure is found...


As far as the diet goes, Mia was 3.5 when diagnosed, so a bit older than your child. We already ate a pretty healthy diet with whole grains, fruit and vegetables, so there wasn't a big need to change anything. I try not to make anything off-limit to Mia as I want her to grow up with a healthy relationship to food in general. In my opinion, moderation is key, I have always said that and I continue to believe that we all can eat anything in moderation. In addition, I don't want to rob my daughter of her childhood, so she does get the occasional sweet treat, cake and icecream. In fact, Mia just had a birthday and she had cake and pizza like any kid. She ate absolutely everything on her plate and we all really enjoyed it.:). Also, if we have pasta, its not always whole wheat or multi-grain...some of it just tastes nasty!! LOL.

Hang in there, Kelly. I wish you best of luck finding a suitable solution for you and your family. You can do this. You will be fine.

[Twinklet]

We are also newly diagnosed (3 months ago), but my DD is 8 years old, so quite a difference there. My youngest started Kindergarten a few weeks ago, and I was hoping to go back to work. However, I feel like it's just not feasible at this time. She is in school and doing her own blood glucose checks/shots while she's there (no nurse), but I want to be available at a second's notice if anything goes wrong. She also calls me from her cell phone with each check so I can advise on insulin dosage. I don't know if I could take calls like that every couple of hours at a job.

As far as the diet goes, our Endo and CDE do not have Emily on any type of a special diet at all. They feel that kids should be kids, and in their experience, special diets often lead to closet eating. We just cover for any carbs she eats. Now, we are on Lantus and MDI of Novolog, which makes it much easier to do this.

You do sound lucky to have an insurance company who will pay for a nurse to come to the daycare and give your child a shot once a day!

Marriages---whoo boy, can this really turn things around! I do have a wonderful DH who helps with anything and everything, but we are both worn out physically (still doing night checks), mentally and emotinally. Currently this diagnosis takes up a lot of our time as we try to educate ourselves about diabetes care, and it leaves little or NO time to ourselves. It's hard and stressful.

[Tamara Gamble]

Hi Kelly, I think whether or not you choose to keep working is up to you. If you have the proper care for your daughter and are comfortable with all of it then keep on moving. The hard part is the exhaustion you feel sometimes. I personally chose to leave my job after about eight months for alot of reasons mostly having to do with my kids. Summer was huge for me so it's great that you have that time off. My son is eleven though so he is older to be clear.

Diet. Our endo told us not to limit Tyler, that he is a child and he should eat like every other child not just for health reasons but for emotional one's as well. You will deal with more of this in the future. If you have your daughter on a healthy well rounded diet, why change it?

The hubby thing? Well, we do have a few dad's on this site that do all of the care, I wanted to mention this to be fair to them. Great job's dad's. Typically though, this is not the case. It falls on mom.

Diabete's is a family affair and should be treated as such in a perfect world. It's tiring being the only one. I think men tend to deal with this differently than women do. I noticed that when Ty was diagnosed that my husband was really quiet and kept on doing what he would normally do. This was just how he dealt with it. I on the other hand, grabbed the bull by the horns and wanted his brain moving and was frustrated that it wasn't. I was resentful in the sense that I was the only one getting up at night and felt that I was still expected to preform at full throttle in the day. So I was frustrated with him.

I have since left my job and things are easier in some ways. I can take a nap if needed and am around if something happens. Of coarse there isn't the extra money, but I don't care as long as the bills get paid. I still feel some guilt that the added income isn't there but I feel I'm doing the right thing for my family.

As you go along, you will find that typically you will get alot more sleep, it's just really hard when you get started. You also have to remember that this is a chronic disease so diabetes loves to throw a few glitches in every now and then but it becomes more manageable as you go along.

My husband tries to help as much as possible which is great. Unfortunately he works six days long hours so he is not as ept as I am but does his best. This is all anyone can ask for.

You guys will work it out, just give it time. We actually held on to each other alot tighter, there were just moments of frustration for me. I think they just deal with it differently than we do and sometimes it tanslates into apathy to us, when in all reality they just handle it differently.

Remember, this is a tough disease. Not much time has passed since your child was diagnosed. You need to give it all time. It will get better. You're just going to have to trust us on this one. Everything will get easier, things are not over, just altered. Give yourselves some time too. You have alot going on right now.

Extra hugs, kisses and laughter are in order. Make a date night for yourselves. There is information available about babysitters who are interested in working for families just like our's. They may have had D or had a family member with D or are going to nursing school and would be interested. You need to be comfortable with whomever you leave your baby with so you can relax and catch up on some much needed mommy and daddy time.

It will all work out in time so just take a breath, say a little prayer and hold everyone a little tighter in the meantime.

Good Luck! God Bless! Tami

[selketine]

I had already quit my job before William was dx'd - and plans to return have been put on hold. I think if you enjoy working and you have the daycare situation worked out (sounds great about the nurse coming to daycare!) then no reason not to give it a try. I think the diagnosis is stressful no matter what and it will take awhile to get everything worked out.

Your endo is right not to put your child on a meal plan as long as you eat a sensible diet. The book Sweet Kids is a very good one with advice on how to feed the kid and not the insulin.

[hrermgr]

Kelly-
I'm right with you on this! My baby was dxd on 7/13/06 at the age of 15 mons. It's hard and I know how you are feeling.

As for daycare, Teagan is in an in-home daycare. While in the hospital, my husband and I talked about what if our provider didn't want to take care of her anymore! I mean, she doesn't have to since it's her home. Thankfully, she is and continues to be more than willing to manage through Teagan's diabetes with us. She spent a couple hours with us right before Teagan went back to daycare and she read a ton of info, bought her own books, etc. Since daycare is in the neighborhood and husband has a home office, he went down every day for the first week to help our provider with shots, monitoring, etc. Now she calls him with any questions--he can usually run down at a moment's notice. We also put together a backpack with everything we could think of for daycare: glucgon, sugar snacks/juice for when she's low, some carb counting books(lets), pens, kleenex and every day we put in her meter & insulin bag, log book and food journal. So far, everything is going very well. How thankful I am for our daycare provider!!! She's awesome!

You may want to make regular visits to daycare during the day for the first couple of weeks--to put your mind at ease. I don't know how easy it will be to do this, but I would try. If my husband couldn't do this, I would have for sure. For me it is too important.

As for my husband, he has type 1, too, so he totally understands the seriousness of it. There are time, though, that I get frustrated with him because I feel like he wants to take total control over Teagan's care. I have to ask him to "slow down" and explain to me why he's doing what he's doing. Also, I need to remind him that she is only 16 mon old and he's 42, he's on a pump and she's not so there are differences in her care. Sometimes, he gets it, other times, not so much! But so far we've gotten through it...

Diet--our diabetes team (doc, educators, nurses, dieticians, etc.) all have said to let her eat what ever, but limiting sugar stuff (inc. juice). Because she is so little and can be a picky eater, it would be a constant struggle for us. They want us to be sure to count carbs and cover with insulin for whatever she eats. Seems to be working well. I think as she gets older, we'll have a diet regimen to follow like my husband does but for now, she eats whatever we eat. And we do tend to eat pretty healthy so it's not a huge change.

Good luck, Kelly. I know it's overwhelming right now, but soon it will be a bit easier. Yes, there are bad days but there are really good days, too.

[EmmasMom]

Hi Kelly,
You need to do what feels right for your family, and what is the best for your daughter. I loved my job too, and there are days that I miss it, (I definitely miss the extra money), but there is no way that I could feel OK with someone else caring for Emma right now. I would be miserable at work because I'd be stressed, exhausted and feeling guilty. I know the time will come that I can work again, I have the rest of my life to do it! But right now my baby girl's needs are bigger than mine.
I have found that so many things affect her blood sugar, like excitement, stress, activity, routine changes and illness. Yikes. Illness is my biggest fear, and with good reason! Her blood sugars are insane when she's sick and she has ketones very easily, so trips to the hospital are not uncommon with illness. All of this means daycare is out for us right now.

As far as diet, much of it depends on her insulin. If she is on NPH, (novalin) you will need to make sure she gets the right amount of carbs at the right times. What she eats isn't as important as when and how much. When Emma was diagnosed our dietitian sat down with us and made a list of what she normally ate, and then they tried to fit the insulin to her normal diet, (at the time it was milk and baby food). NPH is HARD to manage with a baby. The peak is unpredictable, you MUST stick to a schedule and meal plan or you will have big trouble. It also peaks in the middle of the night... insanity.
Lantus or Levemir are more stable background insulins, but require frequent "bolus" injections. If she's on this type plan she can eats what she wants within reason, and will need to have a shot to cover the carbs every time she eats.
Emma is on an insulin pump which allows the most flexibility and accurate dosing, but we still avoid regular juices and she rarely eats sweets or "junk" food. This has more to do with the fact that she just turned 2, than the fact that she's diabetic. I highly recommend researching pumps.

Husbands... :rolleyes:. My husband reads these boards all of the time, so I can't say anything bad.:D (Ha ha, just kidding honey!) This has been a huge stress in our lives. In the beginning it was really hard because I wanted him to feel what I was feeling. I wanted to see that his world had come crashing down too. I have never been more devastated, depressed, and consumed by anything. His way of dealing with it was different. He was worried about finances and insurance, he felt like his job was more important than ever because we had to be able to take care of her medical needs, and if we lost insurance... ugh. So he was working harder to take care of us, but it often felt like he was leaving it all up to me. I think this is a very typical man vs. woman way to deal with things.
Mostly things are better now, but there are still times when he just cant understand why I'm so consumed by this, and I can't understand why he's not. He's type 1 as well, and I took his dx's harder than he did, maybe it's just me!:p

[jeep_bluetj]

I am the husband, so I'll give you my perspective.

Dx was hard for me. My older sister had T1 from 9yo, so I knew exactly what D was. And nobody, once explained the seriousness, doesn't understand it. Some choose not to deal with it, some don't show how it feels. But Dx was devastating for my wife. My role quickly became to support her.

Wife and I are somewhat stereotypical: I'm the "fixer" in our family. It's my job to pay attention to what the Dr says, figgure out the dosages, do much of the 'thinking' part of being a parent of D kid. She's a SAHM, and is responsible for much of the hour-to-hour care. (And the school, and feeding the dog, and all the other thousands of things that just wouldn't get done without her) I cannot be there all the time, so the majority of care does go to her. It's not sexist, it's not because I don't want to or can't do it, it's merely logistics. I do some of the morning stuff, and generally all D care after 7pm or so is my job (including middle-of-the-night checks). There it's logistical too: I'm an insomniac and she could sleep through a train wreck.

But being typically the fixer, men are often faced with a difficult problem in relationships. What to do when it can't be fixed? I couldn't "fix" the anguish my wife felt after dx. I could understand, but my nature was to try to make it better. Time would make it better. So I had to wait it out. I was as supportive as possible, but I'm sure she found me a bit distant. And the same is true in reverse: We want our hurt fixed, not understood, but fixed.

Amy mentioned being "consumed" by having a child with D. I think all parents feel that way regardless of gender. My response (as a male) is that so what? How does that feeling benefit my D son, my non-D son, and my relationship with my wife? It doesn't. So I make a very consious effort to not be consumed by it. It's an unwelcome part of our life, but it's just a part. There are hundreds of other things to deal with in addition - we cannot just focus on his D.

[EmmasMom]

Amy mentioned being "consumed" by having a child with D. I think all parents feel that way regardless of gender. My response (as a male) is that so what? How does that feeling benefit my D son, my non-D son, and my relationship with my wife? It doesn't. So I make a very conscious effort to not be consumed by it. It's an unwelcome part of our life, but it's just a part. There are hundreds of other things to deal with in addition - we cannot just focus on his D.

I just want to clarify that I don't mean consumed, as in nothing else matters and other things get neglected. (that was only the first couple of months ;)) I just mean it's almost always on my mind. I'm the one making all of the decisions and adjustments and apts and doing the research and testing around the clock. When your dealing w/ a baby and they are in your care 24/7, there's not much getting away from it, so it is your job to worry about it. I feel like at this point being a bit "consumed" about her care DOES benefit her very much, and I try to limit the impact it has on everything else.

[hartpukas]

The stay at home thing is TOUGH! For so many reasons but the main thing is that my daughter will be 2 in Sept. and she has now had diabetes for one year. Looking back there is NO ONE I would or could have entrusted her care to. Things have gotten sooo much better as she has aged. Between the eating and most importantly the ability to truly EXERCISE, things are better. But, I still check her bg more often than I should, yet it has allowed me to really grasp how she responds to the insulin (Lantus and NPH).

Regarding food, we were frustrated since we could not find a dietician to work with us - because my daughter was so young. We were told upon diagnosis (at 11 months old) whole milk adn same diet avoid concentrated sugars. I still have the orders as if this was an easy enough plan to follow. What experience has taught me is that the more processed the food the more it affects her numbers (as in going high, staying high). At your daughters' age, we started using low carb yogurts as snacks, cinnamon graham crackers, cucumbers and hummus, black beans, chick peas, black olives, tomatoes, cheese, cheese, cheese!!! There are many choices but I have tried so hard to give her foods that are lower on the glycemic index and have found that some how it has worked.

And to stress again, the exercise connection has worked well for us, too. We walk in the morning on a trail near our house just after breakfast and then again after dinner. Throughout the day I have various activities for her from swim lessons to gymboree (an entire other issue I posted about :( ). Beware of the exercise connection b/c you may not see results (in her numbers) in the beginning but they can creep up on you, even hours after she has had an activity. Be sure to check her frequently so you will be able to track how long it takes her body to reflect her exercise.

The husband thing, hmmm... Jeff, being a man/husband said it best. :D

[jeep_bluetj]

I just want to clarify that I don't mean consumed, as in nothing else matters and other things get neglected. (that was only the first couple of months ;)) I just mean it's almost always on my mind. I'm the one making all of the decisions and adjustments and apts and doing the research and testing around the clock. When your dealing w/ a baby and they are in your care 24/7, there's not much getting away from it, so it is your job to worry about it. I feel like at this point being a bit "consumed" about her care DOES benefit her very much, and I try to limit the impact it has on everything else.

That's exactly as I understood you to mean. (No clarification necessary). The age (your Emma is much younger than my kids) and the D make for a huge parenting workload. And even at 7, while easier than 2, it's a constant concern. If my wife and I speak on the phone when I'm at work, the first subject is "what's his sugars been today?" My sister is >40 now, and my dad still worries about her every day. So, yes, there's a level of "consumed" that is inevitable.

I was primarly pointing out that recognizing the emotional burden we all deal with is an important part of parenting. We all need to address it one way or another or we become 'lost' in our child's disease. And that's not a healthy place for anybody.

[Animan]

Another Husband chiming in. When Adam was diagnosed I was in shock and denial, so I was a little slow to learn or, honestly, be motivated to learn about D. Sure is easy to stick one's head in the sand...but that WAS just me.

I got motivated and learned only because I had to. For reasons I can't go into here, I became the primary care giver and continue to. I have to say, its been the best thing for me and Adam to be involved and learn.

As for the being "consumed" part: I fully admit other stuff, and even attention to my other 3 kids has been affected. Sorry, that's just the way it is. I explain this to the other kids and they KNOW it from experience with Adam.

[Sari]

I am a full time working mom. Ross was diagnosed in Feb and as the rest of you, we were shocked. I don't want to have to work, but if we want to keep the lifestyle we like (which is by no means elaborate), then I must work. Ross is in daycare from 8am to 3:30-4:00pm. But heloves it. There is no way I would be able to keep him as stimulated as he is at daycare. He has been there since he was 4 months old. Whe he was diagnosed, I took 1 month off of work on paid family medical leave. Ross was back at daycare immediately. I went into daycare 3 times a day to do his finger and pump. After 1 month, myhusband took one month off to continue. Then daycare (Knowledge Learning Corp) took over. We brought a trainer in from Minimed (Ross's pump co.) and they trained whatever teachers volunteered to learn. 14 teachers volunteered! We were grateful. We went in for 2 weeks to do the pump with his immediate teacher to make sure she was comfortable. They call me 3 times a day now with his BS number, how many carbs he has eaten and how much insulin the pump gave him. It has worked out pretty well for us. I created a carb list so they know how many carbs in all the food (they supply the food), so they look at the list and calculate.

As for my husband... He is fantastic. In the beginning, he understood everything like he was a doctor! He just seemed to be able to follow the difference of basals, of boluses, of this , of that. My head was spinning. I cried every day for 2 weeks. He was a rock. I know he was crushed like I was, but he held it and us together. It has gotten us much closer. He is in on every aspect of Ross's diabetes. after I get the 3 daycare calls, I call him and update him or email him.

If you would like to see the forms I created for daycare, I would be happy to send them to you - or anyone. Feel free to send me a personal email. Oher than the carb list, I have a sheet daycare fills out of his BS #, his cabs and his insulin amount. Basically the same stuff they call me about.

Good luck - it is a hard diagnosis, but theses kids are amazing and if yours is like my 2 year old, he'll just go with the flow.

[Tamara Gamble]

You know I think it's great that so many dads are involved. I am seeing this a little differently. One of the guys mentioned being the fixer in the relationship. How poiniant. I think that's true. One is the fixer. Maybe that's where the key lies. I'm the fixer. How bout you?

Truthfully, my husband works his tail off for us. I have felt that we each had our place in all of the stuff, life in general and have felt very grateful that I was able to make the decision to stay home with the kids. This would not be possible without him and I know it. So he is holding up his end in all of this in a different way. I will add that I do count on him to do this and honestly at this stage in the game I would have issues with not being so involved with both of my kids, so I'm glad that I don't have to do what he does.

It could be reversed. I don't think it's gender specific, I just think typically it's the women because that's just how it is. I am grateful that we have the men on this board. Sometimes it puts things back in perspective.

The whole ying and yang thing is different for everyone, as is the should I work or homeschool or whatever. It's what works for you and yours.

Good Luck! God Bless! Tami

[coni]

Currently I go to work and my husband is at home. Our daughter is at school, and we generally share D care, but if the school were to call, my husband would be the first person they call. To tell you the truth, I "destress" (if that's a word!) at work. It's one place now where my focus isn't on diabetes care as much (although I have a low level anxiety about my daughter at work all the time). And, it's a place where I feel competent and most things are in my control. I need that balance. My husband has decided to look for work, but a major concern is how work, school, child care, D care, etc. will work. It's stressful. Do what works for you. If you feel your child is good hands, be grateful and take advantage of it if you need to - for whatever reason.

[dmconrad]

I work full time too, and I echo a lot of what Sari said. Since I carry the insurance and my husband is self employed, me staying home is not an option, especially now. When my DD was dx in May at 4yrs. I stopped working for 3 weeks (on FMLA) and while my work encouraged me to take more time, we were doing well and felt ready to get her back in a routine (and like Sari's son, my DD was missing her friends, her teachers and her Routine!). We started slow, a few hours at a time. Her teachers were just excellent, I could not have asked for anything more. They check her at all the times we have laid out and page me with the result. We discuss carbs at snacks and meals and they give her what we have planned. The school provides meals, but I always have lower carb alternatives if it is a high carb meal and snacks for her. I was able to get the dietary dept to run me a list of the carb count of every food item the school serves which has helped a lot in planning (it took forever to get - no one really knew what I wanted, but what I got is so helpful, it was worth pushing!). I started by going over each day as she was finishing eating and would give her insulin, after a few weeks, I started to teach one of her teachers (the other declined, and truly I respect that, if she is not comfortable with needles, I would rather her not do it and would rather know!) to give her the pen (novolog). Once my DD was comfortable with her teacher giving her insulin, I stopped going at lunch time and we would talk on the phone a lot more!

She has had a few lows, and they treated them with OJ and/or Smarties both of which we keep on hand at school. She has had a lot more highs and she can dip her own urine for ketones and they give her water and carb free snacks and get her moving. She has really done remarkably well and so have her teachers. Well that is all changing now....they move the children up to the next age level rooms when school starts, so today was move up day and I spent the morning crying because I felt like I was starting all over again! But she had a great day and I am going over during nap time tomorrow to do another "teaching" for her room.

Maybe I am a little different, but I don't feel like her teachers need to know EVERYTHING. I want them to defer to me and page me often and they do. I want them to know how to feed her (and we work on that together) when and how to check her and what to do. Maybe it is because I work in a hospital (I'm not an MD or RN) and the daycare is attached to it that I am a little more at ease, but I am able to run over at a moment's notice (or send a designated alternate if I am tied up - and I have several in place since my husband works out of town).

The husband issue...with my DH.... I am the primary care giver for our DD and DS, but if I just say.."please check her" or "please go give her X units in her pen" or "please go fold the laundry so I can...." he is happy to do it. Most of why he does not do other things is that he does not "see" it or know what has been done recently. Our Endo told us (when we were being discharged after dx) "you will both mess up with this at some point and she will be fine, don't get mad at each other, just love each other and try to do better". I have to remind myself of that!

Oh, and we did not change her diet, but mearly tracked her carbs and give her insulin to cover what she eats, limiting the obvious stuff that any nutritionist would tell parents to limit in ANY kids diet.

Good luck, you will do great, just love each other!

[KellyH]

Thanks so much for your posts. This is such a big thing for me...it is nice to know that you have all dealt with similar issues. I had a heart to heart with my husband tonight and feel like we are starting to get on the same page. I believe he is just dealing with the diagnoses differently than I! We are seeing the endo tomorrow...hopefully some of our questions will be answered. Abbie's numbers are still all over the place (starting the second week since being released from the hospital). Is this taking too long to get a regimen down?

Thanks, Kelly

[monkey97]

As far as relationships go I have a different situation. I'm separated from my husband. He has the kids one night a week. He used to really annoy me (to put it mildly) complaining about getting up once a night one night a week! Until one day when I'd been up 3 times to Phillip and 4 times to Shanaiah (who has a sleep disorder) I told him exactly how many times I'd been up in the previous week, and would he like to have them for a whole week and see what I really had to do. He never said a thing after that.

I was studying when Phillip was dxd. I've given that up for this year so I could learn all I could about diabetes. I didn't feel I could devote the time I needed to learning when I was trying to study for exams. I plan to go back to study next year.

[EmmasMom]

We are seeing the endo tomorrow...hopefully some of our questions will be answered. Abbie's numbers are still all over the place (starting the second week since being released from the hospital). Is this taking too long to get a regimen down?

Thanks, Kelly

Emma's numbers were seriously "all over the place" for at least 4 weeks, (40-400 daily). They became slightly better over time. We never had a day with every blood sugar in range until many months after dx's and on a pump. Perfect blood sugar days are still rare, but at least we are no longer on a roller coaster.

Be patient, you'll get there.:cwds: I hope your visit goes well!

[Mary Lou]

Hi Kelly,

I was an intern (Montessori teacher) when my son, aged 6 1/2 at the time, was diagnosed. I found that I simply didn't have the brain cycles left to continue with my school and internship after diagnosis. Even though we had two nurses at my son's school, they had never dealt with a recent diagnosis before and were constantly asking me to come and get him. Even when I was working, I wasn't able to focus on my work or my studies. I got an extension from my school, and am starting next week as an almost-certified teacher, and once I put in the "intern" hours, I will be "official".

I'm nervous about working, but Brian is older now, and the nurses are showing a lot of the intuition necessary to proper diabetes care. That being said, he still can't go on a field trip without either myself or my husband present, and we are often called in for various reasons. thankfully, the director at my school is compassionate and we all know that there will be more times for me, than for other parents, that I can't work.

I think you have to do what you think is best for everyone involved and go from there. If it doesn't work out, you can change what you're doing later on. Nothing is written in stone ( :

As for the husband question, that's a biggie! Brian's diagnosis was a huge strain for us, as I'm sure it is for most. Between the lack of sleep, the lack of control, and the overwhelming amount of stuff to learn that is CRITICAL to your child's health, what could possibly be left to invest into your relationship? Not much.

My husband and I both discussed how thankful we were that we weren't newly married, and had been through enough stressful times that this didn't cause problems between us (we're sure it would have LOL):p

It's taken years to learn, but, for us, anyway, problems generally arise from unmet expectations. One of us expects the other to behave a certain way, but don't necessarily *tell* the other person this. Even after years, it appears my husband actually *cannot* read my mind! Go figure! :rolleyes:

Give yourselves some time. Diabetes care is hard. Remember that you're both tired and frustrated. Ask for what you need, and ask him what he needs, too.

I'm sure you'll fall into a rhythm of care and research that works for you. My husband is a night owl and will stay up for those late-hour checks when needed and then set my alarm for 4 am. If I hear the alarm, I know Brian needs a check, and I stay up after that.

I plan the weekly menu, and he grocery shops on his way home from work. I do most of the cooking, but he always cleans the kitchen at night. He'll analyze the ingredients in my recipes and come up with the carb counts. Very sterotypical, I know, but it works for us. We also splurged and hired a housekeeper for that first year after Brian's diagnosis, and it made the world of difference to not have to worry about cleaning floors or toilets when we were trying to figure out what to eat and how to count carbs.

We didn't change our diet much, as we're pretty crunchy-granola to begin with. We eat more meat and cheese, though! One nurse at the school offered to scrape any frosting off any cupcake that might come Brian's way, but she was considerably older (she retired) and our endo nurse said that was unnecessary.