OT - parent illness & dealing w/ child's D

[Gaia]

Im not sure if Im putting this in the right forum or if even its ok to discuss it here so someone please let me know. I promise I wont be offended! :)

Without going into detail ( for above reasons), on Tuesday I was given results of some testing I had done. My world is now in a tailspin & Im not so sure I could give you my name if asked. What concerns me is, when a parent is dealing w/ a serious illness, how does it affect treating your childs everyday needs with diabetes. Both are serious and 1 definately cant be put aside for the other. ( Does that make sense?) One is stressful enough, let alone 2.

Ok I guess my question is this. Is there anyone else here who may understand what Im describing? How do you cope with both, handle both, not let the stress of one affect the other?

Ok Im going to stop here cause Im just confusing my self and getting upset again. Maybe someone here can answer this. ( Without detail, Im not trying to be nosy. Im trying to be in the general context. Your life is none of my business) Again, if this is teh wrong forum or not appropriate, I'll ask Jeff to move it or delete it. Thanks. :cwds:

[Tigerlilly's mom]

I am not dealing with a serious illness myself, so I can't offer any wise words. I am sorry to hear that you are dealing with so much, I hope that you have some friends and family that can help you through this difficult time.

Just take one day at a time, and try not to "overthink" because I find that if I take things as they come I am much more capable of dealing with what comes my way.

HUGS!

[CC'sMom]

Your post is perfectly fine and I understand your question.

I'm not in your situation, but wanted to offer you prayers and good thoughts. I hope there are others in your life you can rely on during a bad day. ((HUGS))

[zell828]

Im not sure if Im putting this in the right forum or if even its ok to discuss it here so someone please let me know. I promise I wont be offended! :)

Without going into detail ( for above reasons), on Tuesday I was given results of some testing I had done. My world is now in a tailspin & Im not so sure I could give you my name if asked. What concerns me is, when a parent is dealing w/ a serious illness, how does it affect treating your childs everyday needs with diabetes. Both are serious and 1 definately cant be put aside for the other. ( Does that make sense?) One is stressful enough, let alone 2.

Ok I guess my question is this. Is there anyone else here who may understand what Im describing? How do you cope with both, handle both, not let the stress of one affect the other?

Ok Im going to stop here cause Im just confusing my self and getting upset again. Maybe someone here can answer this. ( Without detail, Im not trying to be nosy. Im trying to be in the general context. Your life is none of my business) Again, if this is teh wrong forum or not appropriate, I'll ask Jeff to move it or delete it. Thanks. :cwds:

I'm so sorry to hear about you finding out recently from some tests about yourself. It's always tough dealing with one health issue, but adding to it makes it even more of a struggle. I think you are probably feeling overwhelmed since you state "you just found out". You might have the feeling that if you let yourself worry about yourself and take care of yourself that you will be slighting your child who also has health issues. It is possible to take care of yourself and your child as well. It just takes some balancing and some support from family/friends. I, myself, am epileptic. I had to deal with that since age 17 (I am 40 now). My husband went through a major depression at one time in his life too and then I had to deal with that for awhile too. Now my stepdaughter was diagnosed a couple weeks ago as type 1. It is possible to handle all matters and make sure nothing is ignored, although it will be more stressful obviously. There's not much else you can do. Just don't beat yourself up over everything. If you need help coping with your own illness right now since it is so new to you, I would strongly suggest seeking outside help (counseling or support groups) and make sure you keep in contact with your doctor, always being honest with your feelings. Let yourself grieve over yourself too, that is not being selfish by any means.

[Boo]

I am not in that situation, but want to offer my emotional support. Take one day at a time, and don't be afraid to ask for help; nor too proud to accept it when offered. ((((HUGS))))

[Momof4gr8kids]

You're still so new to diabetes I could only imagine how hard that tail spin is. I think asking for any help/support you need from friends, family, church, or other community group, and like Beth said; Take it a day at a time.

I'm so sorry that you have such a full plate right now! (((hugs)))

[WestinsMom]

I have not dealt myself with a problem like you seem to be describing, but I have been the daughter of a mother dealing with a serious health crisis. I will say that it affected the level of care Westin received. I wasn't on top of things, my memory was bad (stress) so I would forget boluses, etc. He survived. His a1c went up a bit for a time. But he is okay.

You do the best that you can and know that it will be enough. If you need support, outside of D support, many of us are here. PM me if you need to share what is going on. If there is good news, your son is old enough to start being responsible for the basics. He should be able to be in others care and have a good handle on what to do. If not now, I would say he should pick it up rather quickly.

You are in my thoughts and prayers, whatever is going on. :) XXOO

[bz'smom]

{{{{HUGS******** It is so hard. You just have to remember to take time for you after you have taken care of the kids. Last May I was dx with thyroid cancer, and I had (and still do have) so many rough days. I really wished that I didn't have the surgery, and would have left the cancer go. I was convinced that my family would have been better off without me. I was so down, miserable, and tired. I had to force myself out of bed each day. I was a mess emotionally (with my health, and with Brandon's d) My PCP finally said to me when I was in for an ear infection, you are sad & she put me on Zoloft. What a change for me. I'm starting to feel like my old self.

Sorry, I'm rambling, but make sure you are in constant contact with your dr, and don't be afraid to tell them how you feel, and don't be afraid to ask for help with anything! {{{{HUGS********

[LizinTX]

Like the others have said just one day at a time. I am offering you hugs and prayers, in fact I pray over this board daily.

[Gaia]

I answered another members pm & realized it'd be easier to just get it out so here goes.

For months I have been having chest pain which was 1st attributed to my fibromyalgia. But even after constant meds it continued. I had xrays, an EKG which origionally said 'low voltage' but was dismissed as a fluke & blood tests. They all came back normal but I insisted that something was causing the pain. Luckily my dr. listened and ordered a stress echo. I had that on Valentine's Day. Monday ( I said Tues by accident in my post sorry) I got a phone call that I have Coronary Artery Disease with stress & excersise induced ichemic angina. Im only 39, I dont have high blood pressure - in fact he said I cant take a beta blocker because I run low 100/60. I did smoke but w/in an hour of that call, my smokes were crushed in tiny bits in the trash. Im not overweight. Im 5'8 & 140. It makes no sense & Im so angry & upset. Im crying at the drop of a hat. Im so tired. We explained to the kids that Mama has a boo boo in her chest & yelling or getting mad or upset can make it hurt more, that if it hurt too much Id have to go to the hospital. With Joey we told him the truth. I swear it went in one ear & out the other. The tantrums are the same, everything. Then my husband tells me that work told HIM that he has to have my doc fill out a form to show that his absences ( tomorrow for the consult w/ the cardiologist & future appts.) are legitimate. IF they approve it, we are ok. If not and he misses more than 4 days, he could lose his job. LOL " lower the stress".. Isnt that a joke??

To get an idea of how Im taking this, its almost 3 in the afternoon & Im still in my Eyeore jammies. ( I love Eyeore) . Ive been looking up the catheterization they want me to have and Im not thrilled. Will I be back to normal activity right after? What am I gonna do if they suggest bed rest? Joey cant take care of 2 5 yr. olds, Mike cant take time off work and our mothers cant help. My MIL had the same thing & they nicked an artery during the cath & Im gonna be at the same hospital!! Is this more or less serious because of my age?? Is it reversible? I cant find the answers anywhere. I know my appts 2morrow but Im freaking out. Its been just over 48 hours since I found out. Im just so scared.

[Heather(CA)]

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry your not doing well (((((HUGS)))))

[hawkeyegirl]

I'm sorry you're going through this right now. Please remember that it's NOT SELFISH to take care of yourself. Your child needs you, and by taking care of yourself, you are making it possible to be there for your child.

{{{{Big hugs********

[brownkkeb]

I'm not dealing with an illness myself, but am dealing with the care of my mother who had a stroke last April. She was initially completely paralyzed on her left side, and had surgery 15 years ago that makes her right hand useless, so she pretty much needed someone to do everything for her. She was in a nursing home until July, when she came home with a caregiver who lives with her. My sisters and I give the caregiver at least a 2 hour break daily by contract, and of course all the other things of daily living need to be handled by one of us (bill payment, grocery shopping, haircuts, medical appts etc). She is still in a wheelchair, cannot walk or dress herself, or toilet or shower herself, etc.

My ds was diagnosed with D last August - I remember being frustrated with my mother when I told her I needed to cut my visit short with her because I needed to get ds to pediatrician, and she basically freaked and I had to change the appt to a later time. Thankfully ds wasn;t in DKA or anything major at the time!

There are days I feel like it's just all too much to handle, and I just try to take those days with a bit more gentleness and understanding that what is really important is the health of my son, and the time with my mother. Go easy on yourself as much as you can, and keep the larger priorities in mind as best as you can.

My prayers are with you as you go through this. Feel free to PM me if you want.

Kathy

[dbz2988]

I just wanted to send hugs your way! I've my own streek of bad luck within our family and it can be very stressful, however, you need to make sure that you take one day at a time. I know, easier said than done. But for your own health, you need to take care of you and try the best your can to not freak out.

As far as your husband and his job, he should be covered under FMLA (family medical leave act). I'm not a specialist in this area but between the D in your child and your new health problem, I would think there isn't a problem. I got it for my employer for the care of my son due to his D. Your doctor has 15 days to return it to your husband to file with his employer. I would contact your doctor and make this an urgent matter.

Hugs!!

[Barry]

Alex's worst day is better than his mom's best day. It makes her empathy less for him and his sympathy/pity for himself less. It's an interesting dynamic.

[hold48398]

I just wanted to add my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this all. All I can offer is an open ear...We are here for you for support- I hope you know this!! (((((Big huge hugs)))))

[Sugarless]

I am so sorry to hear about the hard time that you are having.:(

As previously posted, your husband would definitely be covered under FMLA. FMLA covers yourself as well as any family member.

I have type 1 as well as my 5yr old daughter. Some days can be very stressful with my sugars low as well as hers. Take one day at a time and try your hardest not to stress.

You will be in my prayers.

[Gaia]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, advice & prayers. I have to go in Wed morning for the cardiac cathaterization (sp). I got so stressed during pre-op testing that my chest started really hurting. The RN made me take my nitro which in turn dropped my pressure to 100/56. So aside from the pounding headache the nitro causes, Im getting signs Im getting a migraine. Lucky me LOL. Im gonna take pain meds & relax & hopefully bbl. Thanks again everyone. :cwds:

[bz'smom]

{{{{{Hugs********** Hopefully you can ward off the migraine before it gets too bad. Take it easy, and keep us updated.

[Charmed7]

Last summer I was looking at a Lupus diagnosis. (Which is very difficult to diagnose b/c it mimics many other conditions.) But while waiting for results, and doctor appointments, and researching etc, it was hard to not "feel" like I had the disease. It was very hard for me to work out in my head. A lot of nights crying with hubby and crying alone. I even went so far so to say I didn't want any more kids. I felt like it wasn't fair that I would have to take care of myself, before taking care of my kids. And to bring in a new baby just wouldn't be fair. Everyone kept telling me that the best thing I could do for my children was take care of myself so I could be healthy enough to care for them. That advice really didn't help. Especially with Lupus. It's not like you can turn the switch off for the night and you feel better. I worried, what if I was too tired to get up to check night time sugars. Or in too much pain to run for a juice. Or too forgetful to remember to give him his insulin. Or to leave the house without his gear.

I felt weak, and like a failure. I was depressed and it was horrible. But after some time, things started to get better. I found support and help from family members. I really did start taking care of myself for the benefits of my children. And I knew that I would have bad days, but I would have good days too. And as long as I got through the bad day, I would be sure to enjoy the good days 150% more.

I hope this was the sort of response you were looking for. I didn't read all the posts because I wanted to just write how I felt without any influence. I'm going to go through and read them now.

Good luck, and if you need anything, just ask.

Charmed

[joy orz]

I'm so sorry for all you are going through! This is scary and unfair. I've had some serious health issues in the past myself. The best advice I can give is to reach out to everyone you know and then THIS IS THE HARD PART - ACCEPT what ever help they can give. People will help out in ways that will amaze you if you let them. I've had friends walk my dog, go Christmas shopping and bring over yummy food. You feel like a schmoo relying on people, but those who care about you are happy to help.

The other thing you need to do is find a doctor and a hospital that you feel comfortable with. If you are having a procedure done, is there another hospital you can go to that won't freak you out because of what happened to your mom? You need to go into this feeling strong and confident in your medical team.

Finally, there are some excellent therapists who do work in chronic illness and cardiac care. They can give you some exercises that will help bring at least a moment of calm, that can help a bit. Our children's hospital in Boston has a social worker as part of the Diabetes team. Is there someone in your area that can help you find someone? If not, see if your hubby's company has an employee assistance program.

HANG IN THERE!!!

[Ryans-Rock]

(((((((HUGS)))))) To you!!!!

Maybe you can check with your insurance to see if they cover a nurse to come over and help out while your recovering. I know ours did when i was going through Chemo a few years ago. They came over twice a week for awhile. They would cook, clean or do what ever was needed for a few hours a day. It was a godsend to have them.

Hope all goes well. You might also have hubby go get some things that the kids can prepare for themselves to eat, even if it's just a ham sandwich. Get all the rest you can, when you can and TAKE IT ONE MOMENT AT A TIME, and before you know it the day will have passed. Then take it one day at a time. It will get easier.

Just remember, you can't take good care of those you love unless you take care of yourself.

[Gaia]

Ok this time tomorrow I will be in the cath lab having a wire shoved up my groin. Sorry. Im cranky. This day is just crawling by sooooooooooo slow. I took a nice long hot shower.........or so I thought. I was in there for only 10 minutes!!!!! Im also having issues. I havent heard from my 18 yr old yet because according to my mother, everytime she calls him he's either sleeping or at work. Yea ok...........can we say 'enabler'. My head is killing me & nothings helping. Its pouring rain and supposed to turn to ice. I told Mike it was a sign that I should reschedule. He just laughed and said ummmmmmmmm NO. The main office at the Foundry hasnt gotten his FMLA paperwork yet so it looks like he wont be with me tomorrow. He told me last night that his gas tank is getting low anyway so an hour trip each way on top of work travel isnt feasable. I mean, Im not being a baby or anything. I just wanted him with me. But we need the money too.

The nurses told me that to be on the safe side, no physical activity until we know whats going on. Im getting the impression that having this at 39 is worse than if I were 72. I've been reading, watching boring tv, computer & working on my dragonfly needlepoints. Its not helping. Im still doing dishes, laundry & dinner but anymore than that & I think Im pushing it. When Mike was on the phone yesterday, I carried a basket of clean laundry down the hall to the living room & I thought he was gonna rip my head off!

It just sucks. Id rather have a tooth pulled than do this & I HATE the dentist!!

On the plus side, its been 1 full week today since I quit smoking. Yay me.

[hawkeyegirl]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. But I did want to congratulation you on going a week smoke-free! Smoking is a very hard habit to break, and good for you for accomplishing that with all you have going on right now! You should be very proud of yourself!

[Gaia]

After all that worry, medications & scary precautions.....I have no blockages!! The doctor did say there was a 15% false positive but I never thought Id be that 15!!Especially with my family history. The bad news is they dont know whats causing the chest pain but hey, a Dx of a healthy heart...........I can handle that!! My leg is still really sore & all sorts of pretty colors from where they stuck the cath.

I really appreciate all the advice & good wishes I got here when I thought I was having a crisis. I know it's said that God doesnt give you more than you can handle, but it was a little TOO much at one time!! LOL

Now, I can focus soley on Joey w/o worrying about me. Thanks again everyone!! .....Kris:cwds:

P.S. 13 days & counting with NO NICOTINE!! And yes Im craving :)

[M&MMOM]

So glad to hear you are doing ok! Always be sure that you are taking the BEST care of yourself first-Then you'll have more to give everyone else!:)