Jealous Sibilings

[Chase's mom]

I have a 13 year old son also and since my 12 year old was dx'd 3 weeks ago my older son seems to be jealous. Of course I have been paying more attention to chase trying to get him regulated on his insulin and bs's. Like when we go to the pool I have to pack certain foods for Chase and my other son is like oh so he can have all these treats now. I try to explian to him that those are free snacks for Chase and that i would do the same for him.He just doesn't understand I guess.Anyone else have this problem??

[amyd]

Hi Kathy.

I have 4 children and now that the baby's been diganosed, they all have special needs. Somebody is always jealous of someone here :)

What I try to do is keep things as even as possible. If one is having a special snack, the others get a snack that is similar. If one is using therapy putty, the others get playdoh- etc, etc.
I know your children are older than mine so maybe a good talk with your older son would help. He may have a lot of emotions running around and no appropriate outlet for them.

Good luck and hugs!

[wellsfamily]

Yes, we have had many issues in the past few months. One day my daughter ,Autumn(5), started crying and saying you just care about Aidan, you don't pay one bit of attention to me etc.... We had to make a point to try to do special things alone w/ her, b/c it is true Aidan gets A LOT of attention. All of our family makes a big deal over him and tells him how brave he is, so i guess to a five year old he is getting a lot of extra attention, and she isn't. I think the key is, like I said, taking the non-d out for ice cream or to the movies once in a while. I let Autumn get cotton candy when Aidan isn't with us, b/c that is her favorite, and obviously it wreaks havoc on his bs if he eats it. Hope this helps.
Heather

[selketine]

I would pack the same snacks for both kids. Sometimes it is necessary to make the non-D one wait a bit for a snack or dessert but I do try to give them a similar if not the exact same thing. They don't always want the same thing. However if we let the non-D one have something we almost always give the option to the D one of having the same snack or food.

And we do let the non-D one go a bit crazy (cotton candy and soda at the ball game) if his diabetic brother isn't with him. William (the diabetic one) is 4 yrs old and I'm not ready to try cotton candy just yet!

[Kelly]

My daughter is an only child... at the moment, so I don't have this issue yet.
But I have been the jelous sibling. :p My younger brother has type one. When I think back, I was very cruel in some of the comments I made... like you only love Chris now... you have no time for me anymore. And then I just wouldn't listen and walk away. I knew deep down that the extra attention he was getting, I certainly didn't want, but at the time, I just wanted some individual attention too... kwim?

I also remember that growing up, lollies were a special treat... as in we had to be really good to get them. Well when my brother was diagnosed, my parents kept a secret stash of chocolates and all in case he went low. And then when he did go low, he would be a lil poo, really disbehaving, talking back, throwing things and all, but then would get a treat... which used to be only if we were really good we would get one. I now know all the reasoning behind his moods due to being low, but it wasn't until mum and dad sat us (me and my elder bro) down and explained it, that it made sense.

I also remember everyone saying to Chris... you are doing so well, you are so brave... yaddayaddayadda, and that he was good at sticking to his new diet (they were very strict on sugar intake back then). The thing was, when he was dignosed, we all changed our diets to the sugar free stuff... but it was only Chris that got congrats for sticking to it, even though all of us were doing it. That used to really peeve me. :cwds:

The phase of jelousy doesn't last very long though. I think I was only being a real cow about it for a coupla months after diagnosis... and then every now and then that I wanted someone to notice me for a change. :rolleyes: I think it is only natural for your other children to feel a bit left out... positive attention or negative attention on one child is still attention... and lets face it, our diabetic children really do need a lot of extra attention, we just have to ensure our other children understand and get that lil bit of individual attention every now and then.

[mom23boys]

OMGosh! Kathy I can so relate right now. Christian was dx'd a little over 3 months ago, but of course, I have bought special snacks for him and he really likes slim jims, but my other children also love them. I realize these package 15 carb snack and juices are more expensive so I buy them only for Christian and the other boys now feel left out because they want those snacks too. I am trying to find the happy medium. Where do I start.

There is one good thing about the packaged snack though that I really like for instance chips ( the variety packs) about 15 carbs a bag. The kids are now eating less for a snack than they used too when I would buy a big bag and they would just sit and eat half the bag. I guess I gotta weigh the good with the bad.

Terri

Mom to Christian 11, dx'd 4-3-06
Gunner 10 and Micah 5

[allisa]

Kelly, thanks so much for your reply....it is really great to hear from a sibling and get that perspective first-hand regarding things we haven't even thought of.

I do feel badly for the siblings....it is hard enough to make sure all kids get equal love and attention, but when one child has special needs that must be met, it must be double hard.....not only is a sibling MAD for not getting the attention.....but then they get to feel GUILTY about being mad.....

I have to say also.....that I don't think it is fair to make all siblings change their dietary intake becuase one sibling has diabetes.....We all agree that it is VERY unfair to the child with Diabetes and how hard it is for them......so why then impose the same stringent rules on a child WITHOUT Diabetes ?? At least the child with Diabetes has an unfair rule with a PURPOSE....what is the purpose of making everyone else change ?

Having said that.....it doesn't mean I think sibling # 1 should gorge themselves on just sugar because they can.....BUT......if an extra popsicle or cold drink on a hot day is what he wants and the Diabetic Sibling must have sugar free substitute.....can't they have differnet things ? OR if the sibling wnats an extra helping of pizza.....is it not okay ?

[Chase's mom]

I buy Chase those same things also the slim jims and weight watcher snacks that only have 15 carbs and certain lunch meat. So when we go somewhere especially to the pool I will pack Chase's snacks for him along with the insulin and bs kit.My older son only ask why is he getting all kinds of different snacks. I have to explain that if he gets low I can give him this. Or if he can have a free snack I give him that.So confussing:eek: :eek:

OMGosh! Kathy I can so relate right now. Christian was dx'd a little over 3 months ago, but of course, I have bought special snacks for him and he really likes slim jims, but my other children also love them. I realize these package 15 carb snack and juices are more expensive so I buy them only for Christian and the other boys now feel left out because they want those snacks too. I am trying to find the happy medium. Where do I start.

There is one good thing about the packaged snack though that I really like for instance chips ( the variety packs) about 15 carbs a bag. The kids are now eating less for a snack than they used too when I would buy a big bag and they would just sit and eat half the bag. I guess I gotta weigh the good with the bad.

Terri

Mom to Christian 11, dx'd 4-3-06
Gunner 10 and Micah 5