Getting frustrated with family

[Kaylee's Mommy]

I know my FIL and MIL mean well.. They have Kaylee for a few hours today, the first time since starting the sensor.. I knew the sensor would be to confusing for them.. they don't have to do anything to it.. just hit esc. to see what her BG is.. but it totally throws them for a loop.. Every time she goes over there I have to explain everything all over again.. I remember how overwhelmed I was in the beginning, but I learned... I understand.. I get it.. I don't get why they don't get it.. its not like they haven't had her before.. I know I sound ingrateful because at least they take her but its not like we are newly diagnosed, we are going on two years here.. I don't get why they don't understand the simply aspects of it.. why the pump is so confusing to them.. its not just my IL's either, my dad won't go near the thing.. and my mom freaks out as well...

ok, done my rant.. Iam thankful that both grandparents will take her..

[momofsingingdiabetic]

*hugs* Kim......I am so lucky Danielle is older and does so much of her management herself. I cannot even imagine having to do this with a younger child...

I have the same type of issues with my mom with her computer. I explain and explain... Maybe it's sort of like that.... just one of those things that doesn't stick.

[D-Dad]

yep i t can be a pain. I have some written instructions that I give.

[CC'sMom]

I know it’s hard to do, but try to be patient with them. A lot of older people are extremely intimidated by technology. It doesn’t matter how many times you explain it to them, sometimes they just can’t grasp it. They love her and I’m sure they’ll take great care of her. So enjoy your break and try not to worry about it!

[Momof4gr8kids]

You know, I think it is the generation and the tech they didn't grow up with. The younger you are the more game boy, computer oriented i pod type of stuff has been used since you were small, and you get used to a new devise sooner. People that haven't used all of this stuff since birth, or their young/ younger years seem to lack in the understanding of new devises sometimes. I am trying really hard not to make a generalized statement because I know that some grandparents get the computer type tech devises, but I've also noticed a trend in my own circle of people I know that the older generation doesn't "get" all of the new things. It has nothing to do with intelligence. Some of the smartest people I know have minimal understanding of the windows menu. I think it comes from fear of messing things up because it is something that they are not confident around because they haven't been around it their whole life, or at least most of their life.

Like D-dad I find it useful to make them an cheat sheet, and an explanation of the menu (at least the parts they will use).

My IL's raised a child with D. They are used to the old school rules. Some of them accepted the new rules easier then other, but I could still write a vent a mile long sometimes. I know how lucky I am that I have them to understand and take Julia, but I also know that doesn't always make a negative of the vent that you need to let out. Please don't feel bad about venting about this. It IS something you need to let out, and figure out regardless if you are one of the lucky people that have someone that will babysit your D child. Who knows, it may help others to see that even if they do get their family/friends willing to babysit that it isn't always peachy keen, but either way it is a valid vent, and valid feelings. Please don't be sorry for those.

[Kaylee's Mommy]

I think the one thing that frustrates me the most is my FIL acts like he knows everything.. as I'm explaining it he's going yup yup, ok,.. got it.. and then 20minutes later he's calling to get directions again because HE DID LISTEN to me.. also, I have written instructions in her bag.. My MIL lets my FIL to all of the pump.. even though I think she's better at it.. he doesn't get how to carb count.. he'll look at the carbs but fail to check out the serving size.. its 'little' things like that.. but in the big picture, its not so little when you are talking 12 carbs PER SERVING, but a serving is 2 pieces and he gave her 1.. kwim? I know she's A-OK over there or I wouldn't have left her there.. they call anytime they have a question, I"d MUCH rather them call me than to try and figure it out on their own.. but i still get frustrated..

thanks for understanding ;)

[thebestnest5]

Kim,
Would they be open to pump school online?

I would probably just write things on a sheet, laminate it;), and bring it everytime they watched DD.

Oops, didn't read that in the post above.

I don't know if this is an option; but maybe you could bring pre-labeld food with carb counts written clearly
on the item. I bought a lot of prepackaged food when Liv was first dx'd...it made my life easier.

[momtojess]

Vent away... It is so frustrating.

Our family is similar, and used the excuse that they didnt take care of her everyday.. and that was true, but 3 yrs later they should have had the hang of the basics. (feed a low, insulin a high, etc). Now we leave 5 hrs away and they dont keep her on a regular basis so i do give them some slack now, but still 5 yrs later, I dont even think that excuse works anymore.

[Kaylee's Mommy]

Kim,
Would they be open to pump school online?

I would probably just write things on a sheet, laminate it;), and bring it everytime they watched DD.

Oops, didn't read that in the post above.

I don't know if this is an option; but maybe you could bring pre-labeld food with carb counts written clearly
on the item. I bought a lot of prepackaged food when Liv was first dx'd...it made my life easier.

I do do this too, problem is she wants papa's food.. its special ya know..LOL.. even if its the SAME THING I have at home its still better since it came from papa's house.. :cwds:

[Twinklet]

I think Jamie is right, it's the generation.

I often feel frustrated with my own mother for similar reasons. My Mom is a very meticulous, intelligent person who can multi-task like a champ and functions well under pressure. However, she freezes when it comes to the pump and acts like she's afraid to touch it.

She did attend D Family Camp with us last year and had a great time. Her goal was to learn to work the pump so she can take the girls for a weekend, but in the end she was too frightened. :cwds:

I've finally come to accept that this is how she is, although it still frustrates me occasionally.

[Kaylee's Mommy]

I think Jamie is right, it's the generation.

I often feel frustrated with my own mother for similar reasons. My Mom is a very meticulous, intelligent person who can multi-task like a champ and functions well under pressure. However, she freezes when it comes to the pump and acts like she's afraid to touch it.

She did attend D Family Camp with us last year and had a great time. Her goal was to learn to work the pump so she can take the girls for a weekend, but in the end she was too frightened. :cwds:

I've finally come to accept that this is how she is, although it still frustrates me occasionally.


I know this is what my mom's issue is, the whole generation issue.. computers and all that stuff.. .. she's also afraid of doing something wrong and hurting Kaylee.. She actually over checks kaylee when she's there.. Kaylee will say to me 'Mom, now tell grammie not to check me 100 times while I'm there.. she is ALWAYS checking me '... LOL.. my mom doesn't get it that you check BEFORE a meal, not after, and not both.. she's always checking her.. which is fine, I'd rather have her check her to much than not enough.. my main frustration is FIL.. who likes to be a bit of a know it all LOL.. when he really doesn't know it all.. :cwds:

[caspi]

It must be generational (is that even a word?!:eek:) because I'm going through it right now with my father -- we want to pay for high speed internet for him for a year for Christmas (yes, the man is still on dial-up!:eek:) and he's totally freaking out, saying they can't install it on his computer because the cable outlet is on the other side of the room and they would have to move his china cabinet to run the wire, yadda yadda yadda!!! I finally gave up. It's just too much change for him........

As for your FIL, perhaps he just doesn't like to be told what to do?? Not that he has any option in this case - he HAS to be, but maybe that's why he's not listening?? I have that issue with my father at times as well.

Ugh.... as if our kids aren't enough to handle!!! :rolleyes:

[StillMamamia]

Hi Kaylee's Mommy,

Boy, does this sound familiar. Both my MIL and FIL still don't 'get' thie whole diabetes situation....like:

- why should he eat carbs, since that will make his bg go up?
- after bolusing for meals or a correction (we're pumping), they ask...so how much is he ???:confused: Yes, I've explained a gazillion times the pump gives out insuling, not test the bg...
- their friend who's a 50 year old Type 1 since 'babyhood' told them my son needs to eat a very strict diet and not eat anything which increases his bg, otherwise he'll have to be operated on his eyes llike her
- he cannot eat any sweets or drink soda all the time...NO, we don't keep any of that stuff around, but when he's a bit older (he's 4 now) he may eat/drink these things in hiding...so he should at least know these things exist, but that they're not the best choice for his health....YET, they'll repeat this again and again and again and again...and I give out the same answer, again and again and again
- when testing my son, they keep forgetting how to do it...it's my son who explains how to press the little triangle button so he needle pokes him....and this even after getting a full detailed written explanation on how to proceed with the testing
- they ask what I send to school for snacking....I always answer 'something', since they should realize by now, I DO have my son's best interest at heart and they should trust me...yet, they still make a point of reminding me he should not be taking any sweets and any sodas. They even called one of the teachers (without telling me) to ask if any sweets were kept in the classroom...was not happy about that

Anyway, the list goes on and on, but there's one thing I've learned.....I can't change them, I can only change my reaction to them...so now I just let them rant and it just goes in one ear and out of the other. They do mean well, but they're convictions took years to take root, and at their age, change is difficult....not everyone's like this (Where? Who? :D)...but it's like that...

I've written everything, with detailed explanations and when they ask me something I say 'Oh, didn't I write that for you? Would you mind checking and let me know if I did? If not, give me a call?' It doesn't always work, but it does get the point across;)

Good luck...and breath deeply;)

StillMamamia
Proud Mom to a very brave 4 year-old, pumping, dx October 2006

[luvmytwins02]

My parents, and in-laws go through ALL the diabetes training that we, as parents, go through. They are our baby-sitters so they are happy to do that. Also, I have made books for each of them to have at their house and in Hannah's travel bag. It gives them step by step instructions on how to use her pump and her sensor as well as her glucagon shot. This prevents me from having to explain things over and over. They can look in the book and find clear instructions on how to give her medicine or clear alarms. It makes them feel much more comfortable.

I did it up in word and put it in a small binder...those they keep at their house. I put the instructions in a small notebook and keep that one in Hannah's travel bag.

hope this idea helps!

[Hollyb]

Ah, this is where I miss my dad. He died when my first baby was under a year old (heart attack, probably a complication of his Type 2 diabetes, "controlled" back then by peeing on a bit of litmus paper every morning...)

He was a pharmacist and would have been the one person in my family really interested in the details of Aaron's treatment. He would have admired the features of his pump, shaken his head at how nifty the all-in-one Inset was instead of flinching at the needle, and actually been curious about what was in our BG log.

Everyone in my family is very supportive but in a general sort of a way. Which is fine because Aaron old enough to handle things himself when he's away from home, but there are times I'd like to have a conversation beyond, "How's Aaron doing?" "Oh, he's great."